I need help with controlling my anger and explosiveness

Postby Silver87 » Fri Jul 14, 2006 2:42 am

I'm 19 and i can't keep living the way i am right now so i've decided i need to make some major changes in my life. I have a problem with getting angry and exploding over small things, this only happens at home in front of my immediate family and i can't treat them like this anymore. I'm also afraid that when i have a family of my own that i will have the same problems and i don't want that to happen either. I think that i only explode at home because that is where i feel the most comfortable and know that no matter what they will always be there for me. I also think that while i'm not at home i don't address things that aggravate me which causes things to build up and eventually i explode at home, but this is just a theory of mine. In addition i know that anger is an emotion that is usually caused because you aren't addressing your real emotions because they are harder to deal with and confront e.g.- someone walks in on there spouse cheating and they get angry, this is only because the real emotion the person should be feeling, extreme emotional hurt, is much harder to deal with and confront than anger. I don't really know where to start on changing this but i do know that i need to change it. If anyone has any suggestions on where to start and/or techniques i can use to start confronting my true emotions please post a reply. In addition if there are any questions at all that i could answer to help you help me just ask and i will most definitely answer.
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#1

Postby good spirit » Fri Jul 14, 2006 3:01 am

Hello Silver87 and welcome to the forum. :D

You sound like an extremely intelligent young man, just from reading that post. Here is a site that will help you. :D
http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/article.php?id=30



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#2

Postby Silver87 » Fri Jul 14, 2006 3:32 am

I just finished reading that article and i feel it is definitely a good place for me to start with changing my life, or at least this part of it. It's also great because along with the suggestions it gives logical explanations as to why they would work. Thank you very much, i think this article will prove to be an invaluable resource to me.

And for anyone who comes across this post definitely read the article because whether you need it or not, chances are at some point you will be able to use its contents to help yourself or someone else. In addition, if anyone has any other suggestions on ways i can help control my anger and deal with the actual issues at hand please post because i feel the best way to ensure a change in my life is to know as much as i can about all possible techniques/"solutions."

Thanks again good spirit
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#3

Postby good spirit » Fri Jul 14, 2006 4:58 am

You're welcome. Ok, here's a couple more then...

http://shs.wustl.edu/healthPromotion/re ... niques.htm

http://www.uiowa.edu/~ucs/asertcom.html



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#4

Postby itsthehair » Thu Oct 19, 2006 9:13 pm

Silver87 wrote:I'm 19 and i can't keep living the way i am right now so i've decided i need to make some major changes in my life. I have a problem with getting angry and exploding over small things, this only happens at home in front of my immediate family and i can't treat them like this anymore. I'm also afraid that when i have a family of my own that i will have the same problems and i don't want that to happen either. I think that i only explode at home because that is where i feel the most comfortable and know that no matter what they will always be there for me. I also think that while i'm not at home i don't address things that aggravate me which causes things to build up and eventually i explode at home, but this is just a theory of mine.




this is exactly how it is for me. I am terrified of getting married and making some poor guy's life a living hell like my mom did to my dad.
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#5

Postby justin787 » Thu Dec 24, 2009 11:28 pm

Ok well im 18 years old and i just got out of high school and i was in a special day class but i didn't know what for im thinking it was my anger but anyways.What im really here for is i want to change my anger cause its getting way and i mean way out of hands when i get angry i take it out on everyone when me and my sister are fighting i go way out of hand i shove and i also throw her on the ground.Another example is when me and my girlfriend fight i grab her really hard and i shove her all over the place im always saying im going to change but it never happens i want to change my life around im planing on going to the army but my anger is really bad and this is with everybody my whole family i get at i want to change everything about me im to forceful and i dont know what to do i need help bad i want to change this so me and my family go back to the way we use to be and me and my girlfriend too. I'm thinking that it was when i was like 8 years old i got bit in the head by a dog and before that i was passing my classes and after that i started to get mad and throwing things at teachers but im not saying thats what it is i just want to know why im like this and i want to change everything about me i need help i pray every night so i can change and it just keeps happening please someone help please
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#6

Postby Craig M » Sun Dec 27, 2009 6:56 pm

As has already been said, you seem like a very intelligent young man, and you have deep insights into your anger experience. I also appreciate your insight that anger comes from not being equipped to deal with the deeper emotions of extreme emotional hurt etc. I think this is a learning edge for many people. Many of us can benefit by getting in touch with the deeper issues so we aren't so 'anger trigger happy'. I have a suggestion in this area.

From my experience, getting in touch with our body is a powerful way to access the deeper emotional materials. We can't get to these emotions using our logical brain, the gateway is through the body. Emotions are powerful energetic situations and they dwell in our physical being, not in our mental brain. One way we avoid feeling these emotions is by getting fixated in our head, which causes us to stay disconnected from our body.

Having said that, how do we get back in touch with our body? There are many ways. One is to simply take time every day, lay on your back, and do some light stretching, breathe deeply, and literally cultivate an awareness of the feelings of your flesh and bones. It may sound strange if you have never done anything like this, but if you put the time and effort in it works. It's not a quick fix, but over time you can develop an ever deepening awareness of what is happening with your body and the emotions that are stored there.

There's lots more to say about this topic but I hope this little bit is helpful.
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#7

Postby desperate788 » Sun Dec 27, 2009 7:16 pm

explosiveness? This is important as its his ultimate goal..
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