My best mate has become obsessed with me...

Postby rachelmwah » Tue Aug 01, 2006 1:17 am

My best friend (male) has liked me for a long time and he is starting to scare me. He seems almost obsessed with me to the point where i don't know how to act around him. When i'm with some of our guy mates he gets jealous at the fact that i am only talking to them and he makes sure he is round me most of the time. He understands that i don't feel the same about him and he has reasured me that he will be ok with us just being friends. I have tried to tell him how i feel about his 'obsession' but he continuously reasures me that he will change eventhough he doesn't realise how he is.He always asks to spend more time with him alone but i am unsure of the reason for this whether it is because he is trying to distract me from becoming good friends with other people or whether it is because he wants to get close to me. I am at the point where i am unsure of how capable he is of over-powering me and sometimes i feel that if he did try anything i wouldn't be able to say 'no' to him because i would be scared of his reaction to this. Everytime i let him down or reject him he self harms and i feel like he is only doing this to make me feel guilty as a result of telling me about what he has done. Also, he seems to feel like he has to know every little detail about my life and if i do not share my problems/feelings with him then he gets upset and makes me feel bad. I don't think this obsession is healthy for either of us and i am wondering if anyone can give me advice on what to do and how i can help him and save our friendship. Please help.
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Postby User0817 » Tue Aug 01, 2006 2:36 am

Welcome! You have come to the right place.

Your situation is very similer to mine. I fell in love with one of my best friends, however I am not obsessing over her, or making her unconfortable in public haha. I feel sorry for both you, and this other guy, it is hard for both parties. You should understand he is doing his best to stop. The poor guy can't help how he feels, I am sure you are a wonderful person, and he sees that. He has a lot of trouble dealing with this, and trust me, the jealousy thing is one of the hardest parts. I really like my friend, and as much as I can hold it back, I still feel jealous. It hurts, mainly because you know that if you should not feel it. It hurts really bad, and its really hard to control, but if you can stand by and help him that would be great.

Unrequited love is a hard thing. It sucks when a situation like this comes up. Don't think however, that you are at fault for his misdoings. You can't control the way you feel, and you can't make yourself love him. It is one of those things in life that sucks, but you can't help it. You can make it easier however.

I hope you are good friends with him, because he needs your support. Tell him how he is making you feel. For example tell him that he is hurting your feelings by what he is doing. At the same time you need to tell him that even though you do not have feelings for him, you still want to be a close friend. Small compliments will really brighten his day, you have a lot of power in your hands. Just remember you have to tell him he is also hurting you. Do not do things out of your confort level. If you do not want to be a close friend of his then you need to tell him to leave you alone. You are not being unfair to anyone if he is making you feel bad, but you have to know that its not his fault he likes you.

Good Luck, I will offer more help when it comes to me.
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Postby Hed Kandi » Tue Aug 01, 2006 6:29 am

Hi Rachel, welcome to the forum.

Your friend is perhaps finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that your friendship would never extend to something more, or something than he wished for, and he is acting very selfish.

Hopefully though, the fact that you have known him a long time should make it a little easier to try and resolve this, although i can appreciate you have tried to make him aware of his overbearing ways, but now i think you have to become a little more forceful. It's never nice giving someone an ultimatum, but sometimes it's what people tend to adhere to.

Really it has boiled down to this, he has to be made aware that he must cease to be so obsessive (or clingy), and that you cannot continue the friendship on these terms.

I wish you good luck.
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