Angry Virgin

Postby charles99 » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:38 am

I'm a 20 year old male that is a virgin. Ive never had a girlfriend and have kissed 2 girls in my life. I always tell people ive had sex before which is a complete lie. I'm terrible with women and don't know how to get them to like me. If I haven't had a girlfriend by the age of 25 I'm going to seriously contemplate suicide. If I do not commit suicide at that age I will wait till i'm 29 years old and I WILL commit suicide at that age if I haven't gotten a girlfriend. Everyone says being yourself in front of women is the best way but its just soooo hard for me. I don't even know why. Hell I must be a complete coward and loser. I'm not as good the average 20 year old male and it tears me to shreds inside. I can't wait till this issue is over. Just needed to say it.
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#1

Postby Cyberwulf » Fri Aug 04, 2006 11:16 am

Hi Charles99,

Don't get caught up in this whole virginity thing.
Try and not to worry, there are plenty of virgins who are older than you, you just don't know it because they don't advertise it. I was also quite late losing my virginity so I understand where you are coming from.

You need to work on your self confidence and self esteem as I believe these are the cornerstones of your problem.
Stop comparing yourself with other people of your age, you are not them and they are not you so don't compare.... You're not being fair on yourself by doing this.

You could try a bar job, there appears to be an abundance of women there and you get to interact with them regularly.
I'm no lothario, but there are women attracted to men for all sorts of reasons.

Keep smiling and interacting with people, once people get to know you they may see a different side... one that they want to get to know more.

Don't lock yourself away from the outside world, you won't meet anybody in your bedroom!

You are still young and you have plenty of time to experience life. Many couples meet at work so don't lose heart.

Perhaps some of the female members at the forum can give you some pointers....
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#2

Postby Vincent1976 » Fri Aug 04, 2006 1:30 pm

Hi Charles,

I'm 29 and technically still a a Virgin. I've had a girlfriend who was 14 when I was 17 for two years and we did sexual stuff, we never went all the way though.

Then Three times I've been with call-girls and again, we did sexual stuff, but we didn't went all the way because I was happy with just touching and stuff.....

I've had an incredible hard life with lots of emotional, mental and physical pain.

Though I'm getting better on a daily basis. My plans for the future are to write screenplays, fiction, create video game levels, etc.

What does it matter if you are a Virgin or not? It's other people who are not a Virgin anymore being stupidly proud of it and thinking they have something you don't have.

What does it matter, again I ask you? Nothing at all.

Remember that.

Cheers
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#3

Postby satanstoystore » Fri Aug 04, 2006 4:40 pm

charles99 wrote:...If I haven't had a girlfriend by the age of 25 I'm going to seriously contemplate suicide. If I do not commit suicide at that age I will wait till i'm 29 years old and I WILL commit suicide...


this might be part of the problem. When you think like that your subconscious, which holds your behavior, your learning, and your future, will consider that as "planning." It's telling your subconscious- don't get laid by 25, consider suicide at 25, don't get laid until 29 and then kill self.

Your subconscious is not going to find new behavior and feelings for you. It's not a fortune teller, you have to be direct. You have to give it clear instructions. Usually experience itself is clear. But when you imagine yourself in the future, it must be with what you want. Because whenyou imagine what you don't want, all it can give you is what you don't want. It doesn't guess. It assumes you already know this.

There is a common denominator between all mental illnesses not physiological in cause and that is they are not in good rapport with their subconscious. If the two of you were on the same page you wouldn't be working against each other.

"Everyone says being yourself in front of women is the best way but its just soooo hard for me."

what makes it hard?
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#4

Postby johnjoe » Fri Aug 04, 2006 9:54 pm

Hi,

Love yourself first, be happly with the unique and beautiful person you are, and don't worry about anything else at this stage. Being relaxed and happy with the unique person you are is the most important thing. It makes you relaxed, accepting, attractive and at peace.

You will then attract into your life what you most desire, because you are putting no effort into the search, just enjoying the moment, loving the world as it is. Putting a 'must have' tag on something makes it more difficult to achieve.

Joe
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#5

Postby starryeyed » Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:41 pm

hmmm. theres nothing wrong with you or being a virgin.
Ive always been really really shy and hadnt even kissed a boy before until i was 18. Then in a year i made up for all those kisses id missed out on and then when i was 19 i lost my virginity to my current boyfriend who ive been with for nearly 1 and half years.

I used to worry there was something wrong with me but in actual fact it just wasnt my time, i probably wasnt ready. I grew up, changed my image a bit, got a bit more confidence, started going out with friends more, started a new job...

How about something like that? Do u go out with friends much? do u have a lot of social interaction with girls? You dont seem to have much confidence in yourself how about an image change to make you feel good about yourself?

Maybe you're so focused on this 'problem' you think u have that its effecting how you come across to people? My advice would be to relax, put it out your mind (i know easier said than done) and enjoy yourself, you'll come across to people much better this way, and let things happen naturally in their own time.

My boyfriend lost his virginity to a girl he was dating a few months before me, he dated her because he was 18 and hadnt done it yet and wanted to get it over with, he didnt like her a a person and says he really regrets it now. I think its a shame too, since i was just round the corner, and would have preferred it if he had still been a virgin. Its NOT a bad thing. The majority if girls will like this, you dont have to advertise it to them, but u dont need to lie either. I know u want to get it out the way, but just be careful.
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#6

Postby fitzchiv » Sat Aug 05, 2006 2:27 am

Hi. I can sympathise with your situation as i can fully imagine what you're going through. All guys have it at some point, wether theyre virgins or not. As everyone else says, the virginity thing shouldnt be the focus of your life. Sex is just sex, your first time will come, but first you need to adress the real problem. Without more depth i cant offer any advice on what could be the problem with regards to your approach to women. But my friends and i have a concept called 'the ladder'. You can quickly fall down the ladder but you see far better the higher you get. In more simple times the ladder is confidence, no one starts climbing from half way up, we all have to build.
There must be a section of your life in which you're arrogant, everyone has SOMETHING they know theyre good at, better than someone else at, clever at, etc etc. it can be as simple as being good on Halo, understanding House of the Dead first time of reading, dress sense.
What i would say is you need to bear that arrogance in mind when you're faced with a woman. DONT use it as a basis for your approach, but for a basis of the aftermath. I'll get to what i mean in a second. Firtly with the ladder you need to start at the bottom, so, strangers. A bar, club, party, anywhere you're almost certain not to meet these people again. This gives you the anonymity to be a bit less stressed. Then, dont go for stunning women, who can be very ignorant. Pick a girl you could see yourself on the same level as, and be honest with yourself. Then, probably with a drink in you, wait for an opportune moment, or catch her eye, and just approach her. The thing is, she's a stranger, you make an idiot of yourself so what? you'll never see her again. Just be simple in what you say, then end the conversation before she has a chance to, on your terms. DONT give her the chance to cut you off. Walk away and out of sight, and reflect. This is where the arrogance comes in. You've gone up to this girl, talked to her, ended the conversation and come away unscathed. SHE is the one wondering what went on, whereas you know you were in control. Partner that thought with that of dominating your mates on the Xbox or whatever.
Thats the start. The more you get used to the 'who gives a toss' frame of mind, even if deep down you're terrified, the more comfortable you'll feel. IF you get blown out straight away by one of these girls, dont let her win! look her up and down, smile and just say 'yeh whatever love'. Walk away. She may have made you feel bad, but you've not lost face.
I hope this helps and you get what i mean.
The alternative is a long-term thing built up with a girl who's a friend or colleague.
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#7

Postby Imperialdream » Sat Aug 05, 2006 2:36 am

First off, let me tell you that there's nothing wrong with you.

Maybe you're going to meet your other half very soon - a year? two years? Maybe 3? But hey, what tells you you might not bump into that person tomorrow afternoon? Keep believing, friend, and your other half will come.



If not - keep in mind this: being single is not the end of the world. It doesn't mean you can't live a happy life just because you haven't had sex early enough. I'm still a virgin, and I also have a lot of trouble dealing with women. You're not alone.

I can be very flirty, but the moment the girl is standing right in front of me - I get too shy/confused/uneasy to really flirt with her. It gets much easier, for example, behind a computer screen. But that's my problem, and hopefully not yours.

Oh, and hey, what tells you that those people who "laugh" at you aren't virgins themselves? This society is full of hypocrites - they'll laugh at you just to make themselves feel better - which is rather sad.

Cheers! :)
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#8

Postby johnjoe » Sat Aug 05, 2006 10:00 pm

Hey , how about a response Charles 99

When I was down and out of luck
When dark the path, my life had took
When I was at my lowest low
A rope, a helping hand did throw

And pulled me up, out of the pit
And in the dark, a candle lit
And for my hunger gave me "Bread"
Then quenched a thirst inside my head

This loving servant helped me see
There's so much more to this, than me
By helping me, she showed me love
And led me to the One above

And now, alone, as I reflect
I find a spot of self-respect
That had been drowning in my tears
And had not shown itself in years

Let me through life, now walk, not run
Because the help of this true one
Did set me straight and on my way
And I'll remember day to day


Joe
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#9

Postby twisted illusions » Thu Aug 10, 2006 10:49 am

Hey perhaps I can help ( I am a girl btw)


what is your main aim? to have sex or find a girlfriend?


if you just want sex, then that can be easy to get, girls now a days seem to be quite liberated, if you meet someone in a night club bar etc, just be pleasant and pay her a few compliments, at the end of the evening say you enjoyed meeting her etc, and that you would like to spend some more time with her, wait for her response, if it is positive then ask her to come back to yours for a coffee :lol: if she agrees, then when you get to the house or whatever take things from there.

for example try to kiss her, if she is okay with that, then you can start touching (her, outside her clothes), if she is okay with that, the undo her clothes and touch her (inside her underwear)

bearing in mind that she should be responsive to all this, if she has not done so, then get her to touch your penis.

if you are both phyiscally ready for sex ( I am sure you don't need me to explain, how you know when a girl is ready), then ask about protection, you will know by this time if she is really up for it, if she says she is on the pill or do you have condoms etc, then umm put your condom on and have sex with her.

like I said the girl will be doing some of the work and pointing you in the right direction anyhow. for example if she is not phyiscally ready then dont push it, wait until she is ready. maybe go down her or something.

If you are looking for a girlf then my only advice is be yourself and take things slowly.


any questions feel free to ask :D
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#10

Postby kohken » Thu Aug 10, 2006 11:56 am

dont worry, i was 20 before i lost mine. I waited till I had a relationship behind it.
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#11

Postby Magnatolia » Sun Aug 13, 2006 11:00 am

It's all based on the way you think. You're ashamed of the fact that you're a virign obviously cos you lie about it. So how do you rate in the looks, personality, friends, lifestyle departments? Perhaps improvements are in order.

And it sounds like you're giving all control to women in general. Contemplating suicide cos you don't have a girlfriend is pretty much giving them control over your life. Is that what you want?

Maybe a friend can hook you up with one of their female friends?

Being yourself is technicall an incorrect term. For me, what this means in essence is don't lie/fake it. Give them 'you' whether it be the current you, or an improved version, but never offer a fake personality that you can't maintain.

Oh, and personally I'm a 23 year old virgin, cos I screwed up in school and didn't have any friends. Working my up though.

Hope I've helped.
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#12

Postby Transparent » Sun Aug 13, 2006 11:54 am

Bah.. bs.. Ill tell you what they have that virgins dont..sex!

Sex is a crucial part of a persons life. We can beat around the facts all we want.. but point blank: We are sexual beings, and going so long without sex is mentally unhealthy.

Address the problem(be honest with yourself) and then go out and get ya a partner. Throw your standards out the window. Find somebody you like for their personality and sh** will occur naturally. Don't worry about lack of experience and honestly dont mention it. Just do it. See as nice as these people are being, in the real world the V word will get ya Cblocked. Been there and it wasnt pretty.

Anyways. Good luck and I tell ya. Killing yourself is not the answer. I would rather be a virgin bum drowing myself in whiskey beneath an expressway than to not exist. At least then I could still close my eyes and dream of a better life.
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#13

Postby Sam901 » Sun Aug 13, 2006 4:30 pm

Transparent wrote:Bah.. bs.. Ill tell you what they have that virgins dont..sex!

Sex is a crucial part of a persons life. We can beat around the facts all we want.. but point blank: We are sexual beings, and going so long without sex is mentally unhealthy.

Address the problem(be honest with yourself) and then go out and get ya a partner. Throw your standards out the window. Find somebody you like for their personality and sh** will occur naturally. Don't worry about lack of experience and honestly dont mention it. Just do it. See as nice as these people are being, in the real world the V word will get ya Cblocked. Been there and it wasnt pretty.

Anyways. Good luck and I tell ya. Killing yourself is not the answer. I would rather be a virgin bum drowing myself in whiskey beneath an expressway than to not exist. At least then I could still close my eyes and dream of a better life.


I totally agree with you.

and to the OP, where are you trying to find these women? if you want to lose your virginity, go to a bar/club or something chicks are way more likely to lose their inhibitions if they had something to drink.

if you want to have a girlfriend then you must make an effort to be sociable, and just be nice and friendly and try to make the most of your appearance, dress smartly etc. and 20 is not exactly old, so just chill! it is seriously not worth getting distressed about.
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#14

Postby thefool » Sun Aug 13, 2006 7:32 pm

You can be whoever you want to be. If you find you are not who you want to be, you must search within yourself and find out what your reasons are for being who you are now.

Perhaps you feel that who you are is fine, but is not being communicated to the outside world. Iow, people do not see who you are or have a distorted picture of you. Again the reasons why this is are within yourself.
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