I wish I was dead

Postby JDD » Wed Nov 01, 2006 9:48 am

I am so sad I wish I was dead, I wish all the pain and hatred would go away. I wish I could be happy I wish someone really cared about me; I wish I really made a difference in someone’s life, I have wanted to die for five years but have always found a reason not too, I am afraid one of theses days I am going to wake up and not have a reason to live anymore, I feel so worthless and pathetic why would anyone ever want to love me? I can not tell my friends how I feel because they would worry, and I don’t want to cause them any trouble, I just wish it would all end. But wishes never come true for me.
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#1

Postby Krakatoa » Wed Nov 01, 2006 11:01 am

hang in there... it can't be all that bad =) , we all have problems... but there will be better days ahead
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#2

Postby Olgadapolga » Wed Nov 01, 2006 11:20 am

Have you spoken to anyone about how there are many people both professionals and voulenteers who have an understanding and know where you could access local support.

First port of call should probably be your Doctor although I know not all are sympathetic. If you cannot talk to them write it down or just print off what you have written here.

I do not know where in the world you are where ever you are check out the befrienders website they can offer free counseling over the phone http://www.befrienders.org/

US ring this number 1-800-784-2433 it's toll free and anonymous

In the UK you have
Samatitains http://www.samaritans.org/ they have both telephone and email support
MIND http://www.mind.org.uk/
and
SANE http://www.sane.org.uk/public_html/SANE ... ELINE.shtm

They will all be able to point you in the direction of support locally and nationally.
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#3

Postby Pookie » Wed Nov 01, 2006 12:06 pm

Hi JDD,

Welcome to the forum.

I suspect that if I was to ask you what was specifically wrong at the moment, you would most likely answer "Everything", and then provide a very long list of examples.

I have found that this "Everything" is actually the key to the solution of pulling myself out of depression. By making a small improvement in how I feel about one small thing, gives me enough of a boost to make a small improvement in another small thing, and create a virtuous spiral, rather than the viscious spiral that is at the heart of depression.

My brother (who also suffers from depression) once said to me that it was OK to live at the bottom of the pit, because he knew that nothing could get any worse. However, he has since turned his life around, and is now married with two beautiful kids. He has a new saying, regarding his wife - "Every day I grow more fond of her".

I have a couple of recommendations for you:

Start reading the Depression Learning Path, which can be found from the Home page of the Uncommon Forum site. I found it very surprising, but also very illuminating, and a great help.

Start your virtuous circle by making some small improvements in your physical environment:

Eat well and regularly - three meals per day, every day (I keep a stock of breakfast cereal bars - as I am always late in the morning).

Get some regular exercise - I find that taking long walks works for me.

Do some tidying up at home - once you have done a bit of tidying, try to create a system that will make it easier to keep that part of your life in good order.

Finally, I would suggest that you try to offer advice to other people on this forum, as I have found doing so helps me to understand my own depression better.

Best Wishes,
John
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#4

Postby Poss » Wed Nov 01, 2006 12:19 pm

Hi JDD,

Can you give some more information about what situation you are currently in? I would love to be able to help you and give you some support, but it's difficult without knowing what is going on for you. I often feel the same, that I can't go on, don't know how I'm going to get through the day, and have wished over and over that I wasn't here. Alot of it I believe, stems from my childhood and I just cannot deal with it. But hey, this is about you, not me. How old are you? Are you working right now? Let us try to help you.

Take care and remember that there are people here who will listen and who will understand you.

Poss
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#5

Postby johnjoe » Wed Nov 01, 2006 5:45 pm

Hi JDD,

What Pookie said is the right path to take, you do need to take action, action defeats depression, because your body and brain will respond positively to movement.

Things do change, small steps start to impact on rhe brain chemistry. Are you getting support and help and are you on any medication?

Do something every day to make a difference to your physical and mental state- take a different path>

Yes we all know that it is easier said than done and most of us here have been where you are now>

Best Wishes

Joe
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#6

Postby Misery » Wed Nov 01, 2006 8:54 pm

Hey

Its really strange to hear others feeling what i am feeling. I can't really give you any advise because i don't have any but just know that you are not alone!!

Reading your post has made me realise that i'm not alone and has made me feel a little better. So if wishes did come true and everything was to end then i would have still felt alone.

All you to keep telling youself is that this will not beat you and you will stand up and be counted no matter what!!
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#7

Postby JDD » Thu Nov 02, 2006 11:19 am

Krakatoa
Thank you I hope there will be better days.

Olgadapolga
No I have never talked to anyone, but thank you for advice and information.

Pookie
Thank you, I will defiantly look into your suggestions, though I already eat well, and I exercise daily, and cleaning my apartment just makes it worse because the rest of my family will just create a mess all over again. And I will try and help people on this forum though I don’t see how anything I say can help anyone.

Poss
I will be more than happy to give you any information you desire. But for starters I am 20 years old; I go to the local community college near me, and I have a part time Job at Togos which is a sandwich shop incase you do not have them in the UK. I have two brothers. If there is anything else you would like to know just let me know. And thank you.

Johnjoe
Yes it seems it’s always easier to say rather than do, and thank you for your advice. And no I don’t take any medication and I have never sought professional or volunteer help.

Misery
I am very happy that what I posted has helped you even if it is in the slightest of ways, and do not be concerned about not having advice for me knowing I am not alone is more than I could ask for.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply to my post it means a great deal to me that you have spent the time to listen and reply to me, so thank you all so much.

Joseph
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#8

Postby johnjoe » Thu Nov 02, 2006 11:50 pm

Hey another Joseph, great:

Hope you are feeling better and that the advise you recieve is helpful.

Life can be lousy as I know, I was ready to end it all last year and just held back!! and I work in the mental health sector.

So even knowledge is not helpful but action is to get the old brain to work for you not against you.

I found that when I took massive action and told myself that I could not stay this way, I started to change little by little.

Best Wishes

Joe (Joseph)
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#9

Postby stylishgirl » Sat Nov 04, 2006 7:10 pm

Hi i've just read your post and it made me sad to hear you say that you wish you was dead. When we are depressed our mind thinks in in a completly negative way which isn't good at all.

You said that you don't want to tell your friends because they will worry. If they are good friends they will be there for you and will help you get through these bas times.

Have you ever been to see your g.p to them how you are feeling? It might be something worth while to do just to get some help.

I really hope things are feeling better for you

Take care

Lorraine x
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#10

Postby blinky » Mon Nov 06, 2006 11:52 pm

It will get better. There will be some light at the end of the tunnel even though you probably cannot see it at the moment.


Talk to someone. Even if it's about something completely different - it might help occupy your mind with different thoughts. It worked for me at the weekend when I was extremely distressed and thought I wasn't going to make it through till today.

I hope this helps. I am thinking of you.

Paul
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