It's nice to find a forum where everyone with the same problems come together and help each other out.
So, I'm going to explain my problem here. Apparently I'm a college freshman. I'm been thinking about what I have acheived in life and I say it's not very much. Yes, you're all think I'm still young but I still feel empty and worthless.
My social skills and self confidence has been really low. Eversince I was growing up I'd never had a chance to open up to people. All of these years I have been trying to figure out who I am, but can never really accept myself. There are so many influrences and views out there thats it's hard to know where you stand in the world. I think I try to be someone I'm not. I imagine being a confident and successful person, but it'll never happen because I don't like myself.
Whenever I say something, do something, look at someone, I would get weird looks from people. It seems like they don't understand me. I think it's because the way I talk and look.I don't look confident and the way I talk is boring. I'm not a very excited person. I don't get very excited at things anymore because I'm afraid to embarass myself. Maybe it's from a lack of expierence of people. I was always constantly rejected from people. A group of friends would reject me because I couldn't bond with them, group projects, some teachers, adults, family members. I didn't have anyone to spend prom with because a girl told me people feel uncomfortable around me.
I notice that once people take a good look at me or hear me talk, they don't want to know more about me. Maybe I don't know how to react or say because of my speech disability. I was born in the U.S. and someone thought that I was born in another country. I don't know why I can't give the right impression to people.
People look for excitement among others, guess I'm not the one. However, my emotions keep interfering with my thoughts and makes me angry. I feel like my life has repetited itself, because now I don't have a stable relationship with anyone. My other friends would forget me because I don't have a deep bond with them. I'm not the first person on everyone's list of best friends. Just always the last for everything.
I do think that I can form a stable friendship with someone but they never go deep. I always ponder these thoughts of rejection and it makes me angry. I once wrote a angry note to a friend becuz I was angry at myself, and she wrote back "I thought it was cool that you said ' worthless and dull person." I think she said that becuz I found out who I am. "Worthless and dull"
So I be glad if someone would give me advice to open up my shell. It would help, I hope. Thanks.