What's wrong with me. I don't like myself.

Self esteem - in this over-hyped field it's essential to distinguish fact from fiction.Self confidence - faith in your own abilities is so important in today's high-achieving world.

Postby waterdemon » Thu Nov 09, 2006 5:22 am

Hi everyone,

It's nice to find a forum where everyone with the same problems come together and help each other out.

So, I'm going to explain my problem here. Apparently I'm a college freshman. I'm been thinking about what I have acheived in life and I say it's not very much. Yes, you're all think I'm still young but I still feel empty and worthless.

My social skills and self confidence has been really low. Eversince I was growing up I'd never had a chance to open up to people. All of these years I have been trying to figure out who I am, but can never really accept myself. There are so many influrences and views out there thats it's hard to know where you stand in the world. I think I try to be someone I'm not. I imagine being a confident and successful person, but it'll never happen because I don't like myself.

Whenever I say something, do something, look at someone, I would get weird looks from people. It seems like they don't understand me. I think it's because the way I talk and look.I don't look confident and the way I talk is boring. I'm not a very excited person. I don't get very excited at things anymore because I'm afraid to embarass myself. Maybe it's from a lack of expierence of people. I was always constantly rejected from people. A group of friends would reject me because I couldn't bond with them, group projects, some teachers, adults, family members. I didn't have anyone to spend prom with because a girl told me people feel uncomfortable around me.

I notice that once people take a good look at me or hear me talk, they don't want to know more about me. Maybe I don't know how to react or say because of my speech disability. I was born in the U.S. and someone thought that I was born in another country. I don't know why I can't give the right impression to people.

People look for excitement among others, guess I'm not the one. However, my emotions keep interfering with my thoughts and makes me angry. I feel like my life has repetited itself, because now I don't have a stable relationship with anyone. My other friends would forget me because I don't have a deep bond with them. I'm not the first person on everyone's list of best friends. Just always the last for everything.

I do think that I can form a stable friendship with someone but they never go deep. I always ponder these thoughts of rejection and it makes me angry. I once wrote a angry note to a friend becuz I was angry at myself, and she wrote back "I thought it was cool that you said ' worthless and dull person." I think she said that becuz I found out who I am. "Worthless and dull"

So I be glad if someone would give me advice to open up my shell. It would help, I hope. Thanks.

Waterdemon
waterdemon
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Postby Arie » Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:08 am

Maybe you should try to break down social interactions into skills. For example...

a) making others laugh
b) listening well or understanding their situation
c) remembering little facts they tell you
d) discovering their dreams/goals
e) utilizing rooms or personal space effectively

ETC.

It would probably be best to initially focus on one skill when talking with someone because it's difficult to hold onto more that one thing while trying to understand what someone is telling you. And once you get tired of focusing on one skill, say trying to make someone laugh, you can switch over to discovering an individuals dreams/goals.

Let me give a little summary of each...

a) Everyone likes to laugh, being funny is an acquired skill, it's a type of focus, even seemingly natural comedians practice, practice, practice, of course, it doesn't seem like that because their having fun, but they focus on humor alot and seem to always have the intent of "I'm going to try to make them laugh."

b) If someone llistened to your problems/experience/goals and they really understood what you were saying and comprehended your situation you would naturally like them. You wouldn't be able to help it. Most people have the tendency to listen a little bit then interject their own opinion on what they should do or why their wrong or why they have a better story etc etc without truly understanding the other persons situation/reality.

c) Can you imagine telling someone a little fact about something and then you bring it up a week later? It gets instant rapport.

d) If you really want someone to like you, seek to understand their real dreams and ambitions. Get curious about their hearts desires.

e) Have you ever had a stranger talk really close to you? Did that make you feel comfortable? Some people have no personal space sense. Alot of times just taking a step or two back away from someone will make them feel much more comfortable. You can not sit down or stand up in a room of people without changing the energy. Learn how to use space effectively to make people comfortable around you. Have fun.


PS- You may also want to check out this book called "The Art of Connecting: How to Overcome Differences, Build Rapport, And Communicate Effectively With Anyone"... I haven't bought it yet, but it looks really good.
Arie
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Joined: Fri Jun 18, 2004 2:44 am




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