Boyfriend likes rough sex...

Postby tomorrow » Fri Dec 15, 2006 6:29 am

why is it that my boyfriend likes rough sex? he likes to hit me, and when i say 'no'.....he enjoys the rape senerio, but would never actually commit such a terrible crime....is this a control thing? it doesn't really effect our relationship because i let him know when i don't feel like being rough and he listens, i'm just curious as to what makes him this way
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#1

Postby tatenen » Fri Dec 15, 2006 9:37 am

tomorrow wrote:why is it that my boyfriend likes rough sex? he likes to hit me, and when i say 'no'.....he enjoys the rape senerio, but would never actually commit such a terrible crime....is this a control thing? it doesn't really effect our relationship because i let him know when i don't feel like being rough and he listens, i'm just curious as to what makes him this way


I think there is not crime as long as both (or as many as it involves) are happily alright with it. If your boyfriend likes punching you when making love and you agree, I think there is not problem there. The problem is if he forces you to do something you do not pu up with.

Any "perversion" is not insane at all. They say that even paedophilia is not a desease... so long you do not touch a kid. Here is the same. Shall he like some bizarre sexual deployment, so to speak, is fine. If he forces you, that is getting closer to sexual crime...

Best regards !!!

Raúl
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#2

Postby Hobgoblin » Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:01 pm

I think if he hits you to cause some harm like some severe bruising or sever pain then I would be worried but you should not agree to it if you dont feel comfortable. Dont do things just to make him happy, sex is about two (or more people) interacting but it should be in a way where it is what they all want and you should look at how you want him to make you feel also.

Some people like to be submissive and like to be treated a bit rough which i think is fine, but the factthat you have bought it up makes me wonder that you do have a problem with it or else why would you bring it up.

Perhaps you should explore how you would like him to fulfil a fantasy of yours....the only time I would worry about it is if he is always doing the rape scenario.....

As far as the scenario it is a control thing but only in a way where it is exploring dominance.........just as long as he doesnt seem to play this scenario in the non sexual side of your realtionship then I dont think it is bad, but you need to acknowledeg if your happy with it being like this and what you want also....
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#3

Postby Hobgoblin » Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:02 pm

I think if he hits you to cause some harm like some severe bruising or sever pain then I would be worried but you should not agree to it if you dont feel comfortable. Dont do things just to make him happy, sex is about two (or more people) interacting but it should be in a way where it is what they all want and you should look at how you want him to make you feel also.

Some people like to be submissive and like to be treated a bit rough which i think is fine, but the fact that you have bought it up makes me wonder that you do have a problem with it or else why would you bring it up.

Perhaps you should explore how you would like him to fulfil a fantasy of yours....the only time I would worry about it is if he is always doing the rape scenario.....

As far as the scenario it is a control thing but only in a way where it is exploring dominance.........just as long as he doesnt seem to play this scenario in the nonsexual side of your realtionship then I dont think it is bad, but you need to acknowledeg if your happy with it being like this and what you want also....
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#4

Postby zebedee » Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:10 pm

if your not comfortabe with it then tell him. role play is fine BUT should be comfortable for all involved.
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#5

Postby sunchild » Thu Dec 21, 2006 6:06 pm

tomorrow wrote:why is it that my boyfriend likes rough sex? he likes to hit me, and when i say 'no'.....he enjoys the rape senerio, but would never actually commit such a terrible crime....is this a control thing? it doesn't really effect our relationship because i let him know when i don't feel like being rough and he listens, i'm just curious as to what makes him this way



fantasy of your boyfriend may be,
talk to her about it
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#6

Postby tomorrow » Fri Dec 22, 2006 5:45 am

thanks guys for your help....my boyfriend is absolutely wonderful in all other aspects of our relationship (he treats me like a queen!)....and i have asked him before why he likes to be rough, but he simply just doesnt know, and hence me asking you guys! haha, well thanks for your responses
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#7

Postby Faranth » Sun Dec 24, 2006 6:42 am

A lot of people simply enjoy a power play exchange in the bedroom. Adding an element of tension or rough play into sex can be extremely erotic and very pleasurable. Often the people who like to play rough in the bedroom are completely different in other aspects of the relationship. I don't think anything is wrong with rough sex as long as you are willing and trust him. They key is that you are OK with it. Don't do something you're NOT ok with for his benefit. But I don't think it's inherently unhealthy. Look into some FAQ on BDSM and Dominant/Submissive relationships...

(Here's one, but I'd suggest googling some others. There is also a book called Different Loving you can look up on Amazon.com, it provides a good overview of d/s relationships.)

Link: http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

It's a good idea to have a 'safe word.' Meaning, a word that you say that will make him understand you want him to stop. Safe words should not be words like "no" or "stop" since often saying no and stop is part of a forced sex roll play, which you indicated he was into. I would pick something completely out of place that cannot be mistaken.

If you want to talk more about it, feel free to email me. If not, have fun and play safe! :)
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#8

Postby gianttcr » Sun Dec 24, 2006 7:12 pm

Ask him if he's willing to play the role of the victim one day in this role playing game. If he says yes, hit him with a 2x4, call him your b*tch, and make him wear your high heels and skirt. You're obviously having issues with this and you need to listen to your gut instinct. Don't do what does not feel right....never!!
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#9

Postby pretty eyes » Mon Jan 08, 2007 9:08 pm

He sounds sexually dysfunctional-this behaviour is abnormal and has no place in a loving relationship it sounds rather peverse.

It sounds as if he has power and control issues with women.
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#10

Postby thefool » Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:17 am

meh...

Let's pull out the old label box and start slapping some labels around shall we?! And based on that we'll make an entirely devine assesment of this mans cerebral conformity with what is considered 'the norm'.

Wtf?!

Why does he do it? My guess would be because he likes it! Why else? Why does he like it? I don't know... why do you like the things you like (while others seem to be indifferent to them or even dislike them)?
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