To all beautiful people waiting for a miracle,
Thank you so much for replying to my message-time off work for depression. Going through depression and having to study for an exam is only possible by staying at home-recovering and studying.The unfortunate thing is that people like my boss think that i have only taken time off to study,they don't understand how hard it is to study when you are depressed because of poor concentration,loosing the ability to relax and sleep,loss of self-esteem and self-confidence,constant fatigue and exhaustion,bad and intermittently functioning memory,forgetfulness,side effects of medication-drowsy/sleepy during day.I am currently on citalopram 20mg,domperidone 10mg and codeine 30mg,3x daily for severe migraines. I grew up with domestic violence at a very young age My problem is that i worry about what other people think too much-i don't know if that is just me or due to my depression.I have taken time off work for three months and i don't think i will be returning for another 3 months becos i need some me-time.I don't even want to return to my workplace because i'm scared of how others will judge me and also cos its so frightening. The unfortunate thing is that i am bound to a contract with the company to stay on one year post-qualifying.The thing is that i have been with the company now for two years and i just want a new start. With my depression i am so used to just shutting my old friends out of my life and running away and starting afresh.I won't be able to do that this time and thats whats so frightening. If i breach the contract i could end up payying alot of money-including locum fees.
My boss doesn't believe that i am depressed becos when i test my patients i give them so much love-i think i do this becos i want to be loved.Anyway he thinks i'm a good employee and wants me to return to work.He called me and said he was missing me so much.But at the same time he put undue pressure on me by saying that i was away during the busiet period and i had cost the company alot of money becos they had had to employ locums to cover me and they were paying me a third of what locums get.This put alot of pressure on me and i had yet again two restless nights in a row.The other thing that happened was i foolishly said i was not going to return until i had done my exam in 2 months becos i need to sort my head out and the Gp has only written me a sick note for one month so he got suspicious and thinks i'm making it up/. I would just prefer it if he just sacked me.Why doesn't he?