Help: I am afraid of everything

Postby anxious42 » Sat Feb 24, 2007 4:02 pm

I am a coward. I cant take chances. I am too afraid of people. Afraid that they may hurt me. Afraid that they may humiliate me. I suffer from mild anxiety and have had a couple of small panic attacks also. I feel sad a lot of times due to no particular reason but I dont think I suffer from "depression". I certainly feel anxiety a lot of times and that is what prevents me to stand upto people and I generally give-in very quickly. In a confronting situation, I sometime fight in the heat of the moments but afterwards I feel so anxious and fearful that I call the person and give-in (agree to his demands). I dont take risks and dont try to accept most challenges that involve other people. This attitute is ruining my life. A lot of people are taking undue advantage of me as I just let them do it easily and I am getting burried deeper into it. Please help. I thing I am nearing my limits.
anxious42
Junior Member
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:27 am
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Sluagh » Sat Feb 24, 2007 5:51 pm

Hello anxious
You say that you feel very fearful and anxious about people. And you paticulary dislike confrontation. How would you feel about being with people if you knew there would never be any confrontation. I know that will never be the case, but I am just wondering where your anxiety stems from. I wonder whether it comes from people or confrontation.
It COULd be that because of your fear of confrontation that you started to avoid people, hence confrontation. And now it is not just the actual confrontation which is making you anxious but people too.
But of course I could be wrong, if I am please do tell me.

Can you remember around what time this anxiety and fear of people started? And what happend at the time?
Sluagh
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1118
Joined: Thu Oct 12, 2006 12:51 pm
Likes Received: 0

#2

Postby anxious42 » Sun Feb 25, 2007 5:34 am

Thank you Slaugh for your post.

I am not anxious around people generally. I like people and like socializing. I just fear confrontation beyond a certain level. It is like a threshold level that is set lower than normal. If I may try to explain this. I am a very normal person in interacting with people generally. But if there comes a point when someone becomes even the slight bit threatening, I just collapse. The result is that I get along well with general public. But people who know me for a longer period of time, some people start to take advantage of me.

It has been like that all my like. I was bullied at school at almost every level by many. I never had to courage to fight back.
anxious42
Junior Member
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:27 am
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby Sluagh » Tue Feb 27, 2007 4:18 pm

Hello anxious
I am very sorry to hear that you have been bullied at aschool. You say you had never the courage to fight back when you were being bullied. How did that leave you feel about yourself and about those who bullied you?
To be bullied as a child is an awful act to experience and often leaves the victim with deep psychological wounds, have you had anyone you could talk to when the bullying was going on?
How was the support around you from adults, like your parents and teachers?
Sluagh
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1118
Joined: Thu Oct 12, 2006 12:51 pm
Likes Received: 0

#4

Postby Nigel H » Tue Feb 27, 2007 8:00 pm

Hi there - I would like to break down what you have written if I may - to ask for some further insight please?!

**************************

I am a coward. * How do you know? *

-------------------------------------------------

I cant take chances. * what do you think would happen if you did? *

-------------------------------------------------

I am too afraid of people.
Afraid that they may hurt me.
Afraid that they may humiliate me.

* How specifically would whom humiliate you ? *

-----------------------------------------------------

I suffer from mild anxiety and have had a couple of small panic attacks also. I feel sad a lot of times due to no particular reason but I don't think I suffer from "depression".

* I know you don't really know ..... and if you were to know what makes you sad, what would you say? *

-------------------------------------------------

I certainly feel anxiety a lot of times and that is what prevents me to stand up to people and I generally give-in very quickly.

* who presses you to give in to what? *

---------------------------------------------------

In a confronting situation, I sometime fight in the heat of the moments but afterwards I feel so anxious and fearful that I call the person and give-in (agree to his demands).

* whose demands have you given in to when you cooled off? *

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I dont take risks and dont try to accept most challenges that involve other people.

* who has challenged you to do what - and with whom? *

---------------------------------------------------------

This attitute is ruining my life.

A lot of people are taking undue advantage of me as I just let them do it easily and I am getting burried deeper into it.

* what will you have to give up, that you like doing, if you stand up to them? *

------------------------------------------------------

Please help. I thing I am nearing my limits

-----------------------------------------------------

I hope you are OK to answer all the above questions - then I'll see where we can go from there........

Thanks

Nig
Nigel H
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 326
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2005 3:32 pm
Location: Surrey, England
Likes Received: 0

#5

Postby anxious42 » Wed Feb 28, 2007 5:36 am

Slaugh, After I got bullied, I felt bad, frustrated, afraid and a very few times angry. Sometimes I was just relieved that the episode was over and tried to get busy in something. I got some support from some friends when they knew what was happening but I did not tell anyone myself. My parents and probably the teachers never knew about it or thought that it was just normal.
anxious42
Junior Member
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:27 am
Likes Received: 0

#6

Postby anxious42 » Wed Feb 28, 2007 5:51 am

Thank you Nigel for your reply. I will answer your questions one by one.

**************************
I am a coward. * How do you know? *
A: I know because I dont face up to the people who are taking advantage of me. I do that because I am afraid that they may do something worse to be. For example if I am being called bad names, I dont reply due to the fear that they may start hitting me. I think that is a cowardly behaviour.
-------------------------------------------------

I cant take chances. * what do you think would happen if you did? *
A: I become over-cautious and due to the fear of the unknown, I avoid taking chances.

-------------------------------------------------

I am too afraid of people.
Afraid that they may hurt me.
Afraid that they may humiliate me.

* How specifically would whom humiliate you ? *

A: Like on a job, a company client or a boss may start to be harsh thinking that I am an idiot or bad at my job. (Although I have been very good academically and have mostly had good success with what I do).

-----------------------------------------------------

I suffer from mild anxiety and have had a couple of small panic attacks also. I feel sad a lot of times due to no particular reason but I don't think I suffer from "depression".

* I know you don't really know ..... and if you were to know what makes you sad, what would you say? *
A: I think I become sad because of fear of unknown, or that when I have lack of enthusiasm, lack of any specific goals (I am financially OK and really dont have much urge to build wealth or own more things).

-------------------------------------------------

I certainly feel anxiety a lot of times and that is what prevents me to stand up to people and I generally give-in very quickly.

* who presses you to give in to what? *
A: For example, I may accept job assignments that I really dont want and really dont have time to do. Just because I cant say NO. I remember many years ago once agreeing to sit in to take exam for some senior at school just becuase I could not refuse his constant insisting. I knew it was a crime. I knew that I could be caught and punished but I just could not refuse.

---------------------------------------------------

In a confronting situation, I sometime fight in the heat of the moments but afterwards I feel so anxious and fearful that I call the person and give-in (agree to his demands).

* whose demands have you given in to when you cooled off? *
A: I have answered that above.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I dont take risks and dont try to accept most challenges that involve other people.

* who has challenged you to do what - and with whom? *
A: It is not that someone challenges me here. It is that if there is an opportunity (job wise) in front of me that I can take and reap the benefits, I try to avoid most of the times.

---------------------------------------------------------

This attitute is ruining my life.

A lot of people are taking undue advantage of me as I just let them do it easily and I am getting burried deeper into it.

* what will you have to give up, that you like doing, if you stand up to them? *
A: I dont think I will have to giveup anything. I would just have to face some music (of confrontation).

------------------------------------------------------
anxious42
Junior Member
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:27 am
Likes Received: 0

#7

Postby Sluagh » Wed Feb 28, 2007 6:55 am

anxious42 wrote:Slaugh, After I got bullied, I felt bad, frustrated, afraid and a very few times angry. Sometimes I was just relieved that the episode was over and tried to get busy in something. I got some support from some friends when they knew what was happening but I did not tell anyone myself. My parents and probably the teachers never knew about it or thought that it was just normal.


These feelings you had, did you ever react to them? You say you felt frustrated, bad, angry sometimes, did you act out your anger and fought back? If yes, what was the response from the bullies and people around you.
If not, can you tell me what it was that held you back reacting?

I believe that anger is an emotion felt by human beings when there is another emotion which is far more difficlut to feel and acknowledge and I wonder what feelings that could have been for you.

When a child learns very early in life that it can not fight back the child begins to feel helpless. When then no one helps the child, the feelings of hopelessness can arise.
You said that this bullying went on for quite sometime and I wonder whether through this bullying your view of the world and people in it had changed and you took this view, behaviour, thoughtpatterns and the feelings through to adulthood.
Sluagh
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1118
Joined: Thu Oct 12, 2006 12:51 pm
Likes Received: 0

#8

Postby anxious42 » Thu Mar 01, 2007 3:30 pm

Well, I remember a very times I fought back and did get out of the immediate episode. But later on I was punished by cruel remarks and indirect attacks by spreading rumors, loud conversations referring to me etc etc. To me that part (lasting a few days) was much more difficult to handle and I wished that I had never confronted the person in the first place. To me the period after a fight (or a confrontation) is the worst period. I just cant handle a situation where someone gives cruel remarks for me to listen while pretending he is talking to someone else. I think that is my weak point.

Yes I did feel helpless but somehow the view of the world still remained positive to me. I did develop a general fear of people that I did not know. I still avoid getting close to people who I dont know well.
anxious42
Junior Member
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:27 am
Likes Received: 0

#9

Postby Fearslayer » Tue Sep 14, 2010 2:11 pm

Hello, let me see if I fit the definition of a coward,I am 41yrs old and I am afraid of everything, I am a well built guy good size arms and very excellent health and I hate violence. My whole childhood was raised in violence I lived in the projects, was poor and went to school with very upper class kids who liked to make fun of me and try to push me around and this resulted in a lot of fights and trouble with the law. Fighting was a way of life, on the streets only the strong survive, at the age of 10yrs I tried to kill a school teacher ( I am not proud of this.) I stayed late after school one day and I watched her go into the classroom and I locked the door behind her and blocked the window shut, I then set fire to the school and watched it burn. I remember feeling a sense of power and control but never once thought about the women inside fight for her life, I went home like nothing ever happened. The police arrived shortly afterward and I will never forget the look on my mom's face as the police stormed the house with guns drawn determined to take me dead or alive, as at that time they were not aware that the suspect they were looking for was a ten year old boy. They stormed my room and were in utter shock to find only me, they were not sure what to do with me as I was so young. I was arrested and put in jail and later released to the custody of my mother. I went to court and no one in the courtroom not even the judge knew what to do with me as never before in the state of Kentucky was there ever such a horrific crime committed by such a young offender. The lady did not die she was rescued from the fire and recovered. I was sentenced to home arrest and parole until I reached 18yrs and then I was to be in the custody of the Kentucky department of corrections to serve time in the maximum security prison in Eddyville Kentucky. My conviction was overturned due to improper investigation. I served six years of house arrest and parole and was a free man, just my body my mind was still a prisoner of what I had done. My record was sealed for life and I was truly a free man. shortly afterward I had another run in with the law and was forced to flee the state. At sixteen I was on the run from the law and ended up a thousand miles from my home and family I headed south to Florida. I could not contact my family much and my grandfather died while I was away. I turned to god while I was away and after fours on the run I decided it was time to face the music. I was allowed back to my home town with a stern warning from the judge who by now was tired of seeing my face as he had seen it more than the faces of his only family, he told me is I was to get a ticket for anything even littering he would put me away for life and I knew he wasn't playing. I gave up the life of crime, drugs, and wild women. I got married had a son and life was good or so I thought my wife was a very religious women and from a good family and I never regret marring her, but the church we went to was very controlling and after 15yrs of being in and out of there control we divorced due to an affair and we could not put our life back together again. The church had stripped me of everything I lost my identity, I lost myself and all I had left was fear, fear of being alone, fear of abandonment,fear of the unknown. I have never felt so much fear in my life. I was abused mentally and emotionally and I blamed God and even to this day I trust no one and I even have trouble trusting God. I fear everybody and everything. I am afraid that if I stand up for myself I will be punished, I get pushed around all the time. I was assaulted once at work by a co-workers husband, he caught me off guard and starting hitting me and even though I out weight him and out powered him I never returned any punches and only held him off and then ran away, I felt that I was wrong and that I deserved it, and I am always afraid that I will hurt some one very bad and I don;t think I could live with that. everywhere I go I am faced with confrontation at the worst level, everyone wants to fight me, they size me up and then want to provoke me to fighting and I do as I always do, back down, at time I wished I could just fight back and I pray to God to give me the strength to avenge myself. I my friend am a COWARD and I don;t like myself.
Fearslayer
New Member
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 1:20 pm
Likes Received: 0

#10

Postby asim699 » Tue Sep 14, 2010 4:34 pm

It appears that you are really a coward just like me, thanks GOD there is another person like me in this world.

I have a very important point to discuss. In your case you feel anxious all the time, Anxiety is caused by Amygdla (a gland in brain) when it releases adrenaline. Having anxiety is important in real dangerous situations because it saves our life. But sometimes due to breakdown in health the gland produces adrenaline without any apparent reason. This is known as free float anxiety.

The free float anxiety might be caused due to the nutrition we are taking. If you take more sugar then the pancreas will emit more insoline to store it. Sometimes this becomes a disorder that all sugar is stored and your blood suger level breaks down. When you have low blood sugar level, adrenaline is released to produce an alarming situation in which you feel anxiety. Try studying Hypoglycemia diet.
asim699
New Member
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 3:04 pm
Likes Received: 0

#11

Postby dav1307 » Thu Sep 16, 2010 7:39 am

You can create a really healthy diet that helps you feel better. Complex carbs, proteins, and fats are basically what this would be. Fruits, veggies, fish, chicken, some ground beef, eggs, nuts, good water, grains, are all really good for you. See if you can try to eliminate all the other stuff you might eat, like pizza, or bbq food, or high fat stuff. The more you turn your diet into a healthy one, the better you will feel I believe. Then once on a healthy diet, you can manage stresses in a healthy way, where it only bothers you for a little bit, but you don't dwell on it, or let it effect your overall happiness.
dav1307
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 2449
Joined: Sun May 15, 2005 12:32 am
Location: USA
Likes Received: 0



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Anxiety and Panic Attacks