I think im addicted to my girlfriend

Postby djones0823 » Thu Sep 30, 2004 9:05 am

i know that sounds weird. ANd is properly wrong.
But i seem to have all the addiction symptoms

I need her and when shes away its almost as if i have withdrawal symptoms, i pine for her and i cant do anything else properly.

WHen im with her i feel normal again

Is this love, or addiction?
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#1

Postby Glitter » Thu Sep 30, 2004 1:07 pm

sounds like separation anxiety to me - will try and find some info on it for you.
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#2

Postby djones0823 » Thu Sep 30, 2004 1:47 pm

thankyou
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#3

Postby rogue » Tue Oct 05, 2004 6:52 pm

when you love someone, you want to be a part of her life.. when she is not in your surrounding you cannot enjoy the aspects of love.

Man, stop worrying about it. Enjoy every moment of it instead of breaking your head over it. Not everything you experience is a syndrom or an addiction, the way we live is complex but therefore not everything is an abnormal event.

Your experiences just tell you the beauty of love between two persons and what you might miss.
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#4

Postby Michael Lank » Tue Oct 05, 2004 7:18 pm

One thing to consider is how your Basic Human Needs are being met.

If you're relying heavily on one person to meet all or many of your human needs then you might experience the feelings you describe.
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#5

Postby djones0823 » Sat Oct 09, 2004 3:18 pm

seems bout right, shes the only one who makes me feel normal and thus i want to be with her as much as possible.

Is it dangerous to rely so heavily on one person?

I have to say, i have had thoughts along hte lines of, " i can't cope without you, if you leave,(suicidally) then i wont be able ot bare life without you"
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#6

Postby thefella » Mon Oct 11, 2004 4:15 pm

Sorry mate, Sound like your a little insecure. You need to be able to let anyone go and do their thing and be safe in the knowledge that you'll be allright regardless.

Not having a pop, used to be a bit like that myself.

Love can be mistaken for other things.

I am not saying you dont love her mind u :0)
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#7

Postby briary » Mon Oct 11, 2004 4:33 pm

Hi Djones0823

I can relate to your problems here. I believe it is to do with insecurity. I become very attached to someone and then try desperately to cling on to them, fearing they will reject or abandon me.

I know my insecurities in this respect stem from the continual rejection I have had from my mum and I am unconsciously desperately searching for someone to fill the gap left by her.

I wish I could advise you on how to deal with the situation but I am struggling with this myself. I do know that causing the other person to feel smothered and suffocated only causes more problems in the long run. You could try to spend some time with other people, other friends, and maybe both spend doing separate activities that you enjoy.

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#8

Postby Eleanor » Mon Nov 08, 2004 1:48 pm

You remind me so much of my (very recent) ex boyfriend. As well as all the problems I'm going through at the moment which made things hard, I'm also a very independant person. I hated the fact that he relied on me so much, I was the only one he turned to, the only one who could make him feel better. There was so much pressure on me to be there for him ALL the time I couldn't cope with it anymore. And I also worried for him, as I knew it's not healthy to rely on one person (like putting all yor eggs in one basket...). You need to learn to rely on many people - friends, family AND your girlfriend. That way not only do you get more feedback, more advice, but it means theres less strain on her. My boyfriend and I broke up last week, he rings me everyday saying if I don't give him another chance he'll commit suicide. I love him so much still, I never want him to hurt but we're not right for each other. But I find myself lieing to him, giving him false hope that we may get back together in the future so he'll carry on with life.

i don't know what advice I can give, other than try talking and spending time with other people - or you may be pushing her away.
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#9

Postby yellowgreen5 » Mon Nov 08, 2004 11:11 pm

I know a lot of people like that too. They are very dependent: can't this be emotional abuse in some cases (like when they say they will commit suicide if you leave them)?
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#10

Postby TwoSidestotheMind » Tue Nov 16, 2004 12:02 am

I think I read that addiction to another person is almost the same is addiction to cigarettes or something: it produces a chemical in your brain that your brain ends up needing to function properly.

Maybe you actually have a chemical problem instead of an emotional one. Who knows, they might come out with patches for it someday.
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#11

Postby Seraph Clear » Tue Nov 16, 2004 2:49 am

I think this is so common and like Eleanor said can cause problems.

I think it's a good idea to write and define what you want and decide who you want to be and see how your girlfriend fits into that. This will allow you to be part of her life without smothering her and also allow you to have your own selfworth and purpose giving you confidence.

She will not only respect you more for being yourself but I expect you will be in a healthier relationship which is more enjoyable and free for both of you.
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#12

Postby Macleod » Tue Nov 23, 2004 11:01 am

this is definately one of my problems in life.. obsessive

I meet a girl I like, I need to trust her with my feelings 100% (and rely on her 100%), she thinks I'm being to heavy, I get rejected although we go through a huge emotinal back lash, Longest I've pined over a girl is for 1.2yrs... then I pine over someone else to try and take my mind off it and end up obseesed with them. i get angry, sad, depressed


its made me scared to date to be honest
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#13

Postby pamela73 » Mon Jan 31, 2005 11:49 am

Bless your heart,

Have you tried talking to your other half about how you feel? They care for you and would hate to know you were suffering. Please consider talking with them about it, it might reduce the obsession if they are no longer on a pedestal, but your equal.

As a past sufferer, I am now married to a wonderful man and while I love spending quality time with him, I am not anxious when he's not around.

What is crucial is being able to spend time alone without worryng they will leave you or cheat. Tell your other half that you are spending time alone as personal investment. Then identify and chase your dreams, make them separate from your other half. Find yourself; what is your favourite pastime? Colour? What did you want to be when you grew up, travel? Sing? What makes you different and special compared to other people? Enjoy finding this out. Take up a course, learn something new, take a class for higher paid job one day, anything but build your strength AWAY from your other half.

The danger is you could push them away; if they sense you depend on them to live and breathe, they could feel resentment that THEY are not 'allowed' to live and breathe.

Friends are a great way to start. Hire a dvd, organise a night in and try it : ))
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#14

Postby Guest » Sat Apr 23, 2005 4:28 pm

hello im new on this forum so forgive me if im alittle slow at things. :oops:
i just want to say D that i feel the same way and its nice to know you do to. how comes you never said these things to me. i have to agree that it is insecurity and rejection that makes you feel this way. but maybe that just me takin from personal experience. but i also agree that it is love coz i feel the same for you and i refuse to think of it as just some thing going on in my head instead of my heart.i hope u agree with me.
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