Adult eyes woman only

Postby Christianwife22 » Fri Oct 01, 2004 2:35 am

Truly embarrised so please bare with me

I am 22 and live in CT and recently married a wonderful man . Were both Christians and proud to say we both waited til marriage . I lost my mom when I was 10 to BC and was raised by my father and he was very strict. I couldn't even look at the word sex if you know what I mean

Now since I am sexually active I have a question about orgasms well a few questions and I am hoping someone can help me

Does a woman have a orgasm from intercourse

What position brings a woman to orgasm

How do you know if you have a orgasm

How long should your partner last ( TMI ) my husband maybe lasts about 3 minutes of penetration

I read that masturbation helps a woman learn her own body which makes having orgasms easier . I know masturbation is a debate but do a lot of woman masturbate even if there married.

I have thought recently about masturbating (again TMI ) but I just can't start . I feel foolish and start laughing . Do woman say " Hey I am going to masturbate now " or does it just happen . I can't see myself saying to myself " Laura go masturbate " . Do woman set up a romantic scene when they masturbate

maybe this is all dumb but I need to talk to someone. I tried our pastor's wife and a nurse at my OB GYN but when it came time to talk I didn't say a word a my face blushed

Thanks for all your help

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Postby f clifford » Fri Oct 01, 2004 5:50 am

Hi laura,
There are so many exellent books on female sexuality and sex in general.I suggest that would be a good place to start.Go to your local bookstore ,or to amazon if you feel shy,and shop around....these books exist because people want to read them!
My answers would be "sometimes /depends /varies" see what I mean?
Its so hard to answer your questions because sex is so different for every individual, man or woman. Everything you ask and worry about has been thought about by millions before you ,I promise, and will be asked well into the future!
Maybe someone else can suggest a book???? Good luck!Faye.x
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Postby Glitter » Fri Oct 01, 2004 12:34 pm


Agreed.....Go check out the bookstore!!

Other than that, talk to your husband about the way youre feeling, and enjoy practicing!
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Postby kotetsurain » Sat Oct 02, 2004 12:43 am

I'm sorry if I'm intruding, in that I am male, but I have quite a few female friends who I've helped through the same type of situation and questions. First, yes, females can and do orgasm during intercourse, but it's usually not the best way to achieve one. As for positioning, it really depends on your body and his . . . experiment, see what feels best. As for how you know, it's unmistakable. If you have one, you do know it, and there is no question about it. As for the lasting, some guys last minutes, others hours, and still others it just depends on many random factors. Nothing to worry about though. And if he doesn't last long enough to bring you to an orgasm, there are always other (sometimes better) ways he can give you one.

Masturbation does indeed help you learn your body . . . as for getting started with it, it's really just a spontaneous thing for most people. Though, I have had a few friends who's say something like "Hey, I'm gonna go home and masturbate, have a good night!" and skip away happily. If anything, from the point of view of a guy (which is of course NOT how every guy is going to see it) I'd encourage it. Example (TMI as well) would be my now best friend, once girlfriend. She was really curious about things like this, and one night she was asking about them. I had her sit with me, and I sort of guided and encouraged her until she came to an orgasm. Most of her questions were answered that way, and a few I just answered later on.

So, my advice is to simply experiment, and maybe ask your husband to join you.
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Postby f clifford » Sat Oct 02, 2004 3:37 am

Just a quick point....I would disagree with the idea that it is unmistakable when a woman has had an orgasm. When I was younger I agonised over the same thing. Now Im in my 30s I would say, yes its unmistakable ;but when I was younger I had my fair share of complete fizzers!
I found that the feelings have intensified since my 20s. I think that confidence and the ability to let go have a huge impact on the intensity of orgasm and this generally improves with age. Many women hold thier breathe at the point of orgasm and this can lead to the aforementioned fizzers. If theres not enough oxygenated blood in the appropriate bits it can result in diminished sensation.
That ''Will I ?....Will I?.....Oh s*** will HE!.....Will I?.....Whats that burning..did I leave the cooker on..?." sort of worry can block out the ability to enjoy the full range of sensations and result in a minor release that leaves you feeling abit...ermm....confused.
Just my opinion....Faye.x
PS.Kotetsurain....Are you sure your best friend wasnt involving you in abit of a fantasy there? How many of your male friends needed a woman to show them how thier bits worked? Good ploy though!
Last edited by f clifford on Sat Oct 02, 2004 5:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby 051 » Sat Oct 02, 2004 3:39 am

Talk to your husband. It can take years to "learn" each other in bed. The position that is best for you probably will not be "best" for him. You have to find it. Explore your body alone also,,,, this will make it much easier on him,,, please trust me on that. You need to know how your body works so you can help him get in tune with you.

3 Minutes seems way to fast to me. The key to making it last longer is in the forplay. His level of excitment needs to peak in forplay and then come down a little before you get to the more serious part. It's sort of like a distance runner getting through to the 2nd wind. If it's just a sprint you don't ever get to the 2nd wind. Stop having intercourse and have some forplay then go back to intercourse.

More than anything else learn to communicate with him on this. Honest and open communicaiton. Relax and "learn" each other.


I am a male but posted here because you seem so sincere in your question, and I truely just want to give you a male perspective on this important issue. If I should not have posted I apologize.
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Postby starship » Sat Oct 02, 2004 10:54 am

Hi Christianwife22

It can be embarrassing at times, asking for intimate advice from somebody we know, can't it? That's where I find that a good book works wonders. We can read at our leisure and take time to think about how we can apply information to our own lives.
And thank goodness for the internet. That's the place to find the book(or books) that'll answer all the questions and show you how many women share your concerns. And caring men, who want to enrich their relationships.

I always start by suggesting The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort. There's a new edition out now, with updated information. If you copy and paste this link you'll get there ... 83-0746311

This next link will take you to a list of books that I got by doing a general search ... 83-0746311

The numbers of books being written show just how many people want to know more about how to have a satisfying sexual relationship.
And you'll solve the birthday present problem for many years to come!

Happy reading
starship :)
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Postby Onetuffgal » Sat Oct 02, 2004 10:52 pm

Dear Christianwife,

I almost didn't respond because this is so personal, but I just didn't want you to feel that you were the only one with these feelings. And by the way, good for you for waiting until you were married! How rare is that? I, myself waited until I was 21, so like yourself, I wasn't very experienced and couldn't understand why I couldn't have an orgasm during intercourse. I thought there must be something wrong with me. But I wasn't afraid to explore my body and masturbate because I actually think it's very healthy. I hope this doesn't sound too graphic, but what I discovered was, the only way for me to achieve an orgasm during intercourse, was if I got on top and controlled the movement. But be patient, because it won't happen overnight. I wasn't actually able to experience an orgasm(during sex) until I was 25 years old! With me, it was a matter of really trusting and bonding with the person. It does make you feel so vulnerable when it happens.

As far as your husband only being able to last 3 minutes, well, that's a big problem. But like yourself, he's still inexperienced and beginning to explore his own sexuality. With time and practice, he'll get better. I would definitely talk to him about it, and tell him you want to experiment with him. Tell him you really want to know what an orgasm feels like, and he'll hopefully be more in tuned to your pleasure and what you're getting out of it.Make it a fun little game you both play. I think the key to great sex is, you have to have a sense of humor about it. Be open-minded, and don't be afraid to try different things and see what works best for both of you. And the more you both talk about it, the easier it will get. But of course, that's just my humble opinion. :D Good Luck to you and God Bless!
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Postby 051 » Sun Oct 03, 2004 7:45 am

Difficult at best to start the first conversation about "sex" with your partner. Try this next time you are intimate: find a motion that feels good to you and just tell him you like it. The man in him will cherish those words form you and he will want to know more about what feels good to you. There is your starting point.

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Postby Annabell » Mon Oct 04, 2004 12:31 pm

Dear Laura,

You may find these articles helpful. It can sound quite theoretical - don't worry, it is not as if you had to remember what a book or an article says about what position you have to be in to achieve it etc etc when you actually start experiencing it as it is you who knows best - but it is good to learn about what is what anyway, as it will help you to learn.
And I know this one talks a lot about the magical G spot but I don't think that is necessqarily the key to an orgasm, it is not just the inner parts that are sensitive (and the article emphasises that too).

A couple of other pages here that you may also find useful:
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Postby anjolique » Mon Oct 11, 2004 1:24 am

Masturbation can help, particularly as you explore what works for your body. Rest assured it is important to understand that no all women feel orgasms- about 25% do not feel one at all. Then of course it also depends on the type of stimulation (about a third can with vaginal sex and other stimulation, others with cunnilugus, while others with masturbation...not to mention the other endless combinations).

There is not one particular position for orgasm, however stimulating the G-spot would help. Also, you may want to look at Kama Sutra books for ideas.

As for your question of how long he should last, well, I read a study that said nationally its about 2 mins for men (however that was a study in the 70's by Masters & Johnsons). Please note that length should not be an issue unless he is feeling unsatisfaction because of the duration. Many times this is associated with anxiety in a man. As he relaxes, he may be able to last longer so to speak. Likewise, sometimes women are not able to orgasm because of the stress associated with a need to orgasm. The typical male question, "did you cum yet" might just be what stops us from orgasm.

I'm taking a sex therapy course right now and learned so much! I would recommend taking one if there is one available at a local university. Also do read "For each other" by Lonnie Barbeck.
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