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Christianwife22
New Member
Joined: 01 Oct 2004
Posts: 1
Fri Oct 01, 2004 2:35 am
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| Adult eyes woman only |
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Truly embarrised so please bare with me
I am 22 and live in CT and recently married a wonderful man . Were both Christians and proud to say we both waited til marriage . I lost my mom when I was 10 to BC and was raised by my father and he was very strict. I couldn't even look at the word sex if you know what I mean
Now since I am sexually active I have a question about orgasms well a few questions and I am hoping someone can help me
Does a woman have a orgasm from intercourse
What position brings a woman to orgasm
How do you know if you have a orgasm
How long should your partner last ( TMI ) my husband maybe lasts about 3 minutes of penetration
I read that masturbation helps a woman learn her own body which makes having orgasms easier . I know masturbation is a debate but do a lot of woman masturbate even if there married.
I have thought recently about masturbating (again TMI ) but I just can't start . I feel foolish and start laughing . Do woman say " Hey I am going to masturbate now " or does it just happen . I can't see myself saying to myself " Laura go masturbate " . Do woman set up a romantic scene when they masturbate
maybe this is all dumb but I need to talk to someone. I tried our pastor's wife and a nurse at my OB GYN but when it came time to talk I didn't say a word a my face blushed
Thanks for all your help
Laura |
f clifford
MVP
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 492
Location: Australia
Fri Oct 01, 2004 5:50 am
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Hi laura,
There are so many exellent books on female sexuality and sex in general.I suggest that would be a good place to start.Go to your local bookstore ,or to amazon if you feel shy,and shop around....these books exist because people want to read them!
My answers would be "sometimes /depends /varies" etc...you see what I mean?
Its so hard to answer your questions because sex is so different for every individual, man or woman. Everything you ask and worry about has been thought about by millions before you ,I promise, and will be asked well into the future!
Maybe someone else can suggest a book???? Good luck!Faye.x |
Glitter
MVP
Joined: 28 Sep 2004
Posts: 677
Location: Texas USA
Fri Oct 01, 2004 12:34 pm
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Hi!
Agreed.....Go check out the bookstore!!
Other than that, talk to your husband about the way youre feeling, and enjoy practicing! |
kotetsurain
Junior Member
Joined: 22 Sep 2004
Posts: 21
Location: Buckley, WA
Sat Oct 02, 2004 12:43 am
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I'm sorry if I'm intruding, in that I am male, but I have quite a few female friends who I've helped through the same type of situation and questions. First, yes, females can and do orgasm during intercourse, but it's usually not the best way to achieve one. As for positioning, it really depends on your body and his . . . experiment, see what feels best. As for how you know, it's unmistakable. If you have one, you do know it, and there is no question about it. As for the lasting, some guys last minutes, others hours, and still others it just depends on many random factors. Nothing to worry about though. And if he doesn't last long enough to bring you to an orgasm, there are always other (sometimes better) ways he can give you one.
Masturbation does indeed help you learn your body . . . as for getting started with it, it's really just a spontaneous thing for most people. Though, I have had a few friends who's say something like "Hey, I'm gonna go home and masturbate, have a good night!" and skip away happily. If anything, from the point of view of a guy (which is of course NOT how every guy is going to see it) I'd encourage it. Example (TMI as well) would be my now best friend, once girlfriend. She was really curious about things like this, and one night she was asking about them. I had her sit with me, and I sort of guided and encouraged her until she came to an orgasm. Most of her questions were answered that way, and a few I just answered later on.
So, my advice is to simply experiment, and maybe ask your husband to join you. |
051
Junior Member
Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 25
Location: Ohio
Sat Oct 02, 2004 3:39 am
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Talk to your husband. It can take years to "learn" each other in bed. The position that is best for you probably will not be "best" for him. You have to find it. Explore your body alone also,,,, this will make it much easier on him,,, please trust me on that. You need to know how your body works so you can help him get in tune with you.
3 Minutes seems way to fast to me. The key to making it last longer is in the forplay. His level of excitment needs to peak in forplay and then come down a little before you get to the more serious part. It's sort of like a distance runner getting through to the 2nd wind. If it's just a sprint you don't ever get to the 2nd wind. Stop having intercourse and have some forplay then go back to intercourse.
More than anything else learn to communicate with him on this. Honest and open communicaiton. Relax and "learn" each other.
51
I am a male but posted here because you seem so sincere in your question, and I truely just want to give you a male perspective on this important issue. If I should not have posted I apologize. |
Onetuffgal
New Member
Joined: 13 Sep 2004
Posts: 15
Sat Oct 02, 2004 10:52 pm
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Dear Christianwife,
I almost didn't respond because this is so personal, but I just didn't want you to feel that you were the only one with these feelings. And by the way, good for you for waiting until you were married! How rare is that? I, myself waited until I was 21, so like yourself, I wasn't very experienced and couldn't understand why I couldn't have an orgasm during intercourse. I thought there must be something wrong with me. But I wasn't afraid to explore my body and masturbate because I actually think it's very healthy. I hope this doesn't sound too graphic, but what I discovered was, the only way for me to achieve an orgasm during intercourse, was if I got on top and controlled the movement. But be patient, because it won't happen overnight. I wasn't actually able to experience an orgasm(during sex) until I was 25 years old! With me, it was a matter of really trusting and bonding with the person. It does make you feel so vulnerable when it happens.
As far as your husband only being able to last 3 minutes, well, that's a big problem. But like yourself, he's still inexperienced and beginning to explore his own sexuality. With time and practice, he'll get better. I would definitely talk to him about it, and tell him you want to experiment with him. Tell him you really want to know what an orgasm feels like, and he'll hopefully be more in tuned to your pleasure and what you're getting out of it.Make it a fun little game you both play. I think the key to great sex is, you have to have a sense of humor about it. Be open-minded, and don't be afraid to try different things and see what works best for both of you. And the more you both talk about it, the easier it will get. But of course, that's just my humble opinion.  Good Luck to you and God Bless! |
051
Junior Member
Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 25
Location: Ohio
Sun Oct 03, 2004 7:45 am
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| How to start communicating |
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Difficult at best to start the first conversation about "sex" with your partner. Try this next time you are intimate: find a motion that feels good to you and just tell him you like it. The man in him will cherish those words form you and he will want to know more about what feels good to you. There is your starting point.
51 |
anjolique
New Member
Joined: 10 Oct 2004
Posts: 16
Mon Oct 11, 2004 1:24 am
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Masturbation can help, particularly as you explore what works for your body. Rest assured it is important to understand that no all women feel orgasms- about 25% do not feel one at all. Then of course it also depends on the type of stimulation (about a third can with vaginal sex and other stimulation, others with cunnilugus, while others with masturbation...not to mention the other endless combinations).
There is not one particular position for orgasm, however stimulating the G-spot would help. Also, you may want to look at Kama Sutra books for ideas.
As for your question of how long he should last, well, I read a study that said nationally its about 2 mins for men (however that was a study in the 70's by Masters & Johnsons). Please note that length should not be an issue unless he is feeling unsatisfaction because of the duration. Many times this is associated with anxiety in a man. As he relaxes, he may be able to last longer so to speak. Likewise, sometimes women are not able to orgasm because of the stress associated with a need to orgasm. The typical male question, "did you cum yet" might just be what stops us from orgasm.
I'm taking a sex therapy course right now and learned so much! I would recommend taking one if there is one available at a local university. Also do read "For each other" by Lonnie Barbeck. |
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