I'm Uncomfortable In My Own Skin and I Hate Being In Public

Postby shyguy7k » Sun Jul 01, 2007 8:10 am

I feel really pathetic coming here with my problems, but at this point I can't get professional help, so here goes...

I don't know when this started but i'm uncomfortable in my own skin. I hate the way I look. When I go out in public I feel like everyone's staring at me, or thinking about how ugly I look. During high school I dreaded going into the crowded cafeteria during lunch and feeling what I thought were prying eyes. When I'd hear someone laugh or see someone having an aside with someone, I'd think it was about me. Every day I loathed the panicked search for familiar faces that I could feel somewhat safe with. I even feel like my friends criticize me in their heads or behind my back. I do everything I can to try and figure out what they think of me.

I'm not out of shape, but I'm not a finely toned adonis. When I'm around other people my little pudge feels like rolls of giggling fat and I feel so damn awful. I try and avoid pool parties and the beach for this reason. I really wish I was one of the attractive people that can just walk around in public without a care. No one's told me I'm attractive except older women in a "oh what a handsome young man" sort of way. Most everyone gets some sort of positive feedback about their looks, why not me?

I know the whole "eveyone's looking at me" thing is irrational, but I can't shake the feeling no matter how hard I try. I run and try and eat right, but it's not doing anything. Still I know no matter how rock hard a body I build, I can't do anything about my face and whatnot. I just want to feel attractive, to be able to walk around in public with confidence, but I feel like there's nothing I can do about it.
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#1

Postby **rain** » Sun Jul 01, 2007 1:02 pm

It isn't about how your body actually looks but your own low self esteem. Until you can learn to like yourself, then no amount of "fine tuning" will make you feel any better.

Why are you unable to get any professional help? It took me 12 months of counselling before I finally began to realise that I'm as good as the next person. I don't have to be the prettiest/slimmest/wittiest person around. It really doesn't matter because I like the person I actually am :D

Oh, and by the way, you certainly aren't "pathetic" to come to a forum with your problems. Talking can be a great way of viewing the situation in a different light.
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#2

Postby inthegardenshed » Mon Jul 02, 2007 5:19 pm

Definitely agree with 'rain'. Sadly I know this is about your low self-esteem, cos I was like you for many years of my life. Even though I can look back now and see that I never was ugly, I did'nt believe it at the time and wasted so many years feeling I was'nt good enough.
What a shame, and how horrible you must feel. I know there is no amount of reassurance I or anybody else can give you, because until you learn to like yourself, it wont mean anything to you.
I can only assume that when growing up, you were not given much positive affirmation that you were a worthwhile human being, equal to all others on this planet!
After many years of feeling hopeless and inferior, I finally realised that this was only because my mother was highly critical of me, and never encouraged me or gave me any praise. Knowing this has enabled me to learn that I was good enough, and always have been, its just that I BELIEVED that I was'nt.
Now I quite like myself, and am kind to myself, and feel so much better about life in general.
The other day I saw a video of myself 19years ago, and remembered how much I disliked being me back then.
Its a shame to waste your youth feeling so horrible, trust me I know.
Only you can start to learn a different way of feeling about yourself, and I hope you get there before too long.
Do try and see a counsellor if you can, it will be a worthwhile investment in yourself, and hopefully save you further years of pain and sadness.
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#3

Postby shyguy7k » Thu Jul 05, 2007 7:33 pm

**rain** wrote:Why are you unable to get any professional help?


Well, I'm not out on my own yet (headed off to college), but we can't afford the cost of a counselor right now.
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#4

Postby inthegardenshed » Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:38 pm

Just wondering how old you are, cos many youth counselling agencies offer counselling free for young people up to 25yrs old. I know this cos I worked in one in Chesham, Bucks and there are many around the country. Its worth a try.
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#5

Postby Wizkid007 » Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:13 pm

This problem probably started at home with lack of touch and maybe even direct criticism.

Only way to beat it is doing something meaningful and worthwhile working toward a goal.
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#6

Postby **rain** » Sat Jul 07, 2007 1:25 pm

My counselling is also free and they visit me in my own home.
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#7

Postby cornelius » Mon Jul 09, 2007 8:21 pm

I too feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I could overcome this situation some how. I'm in college now and for a while I tried to feel better about myself by getting good grades and being "above the average". Turned out that this only worked for a little while. I have limitations, and couldn't be the best all the time. So i got to a point where everything I felt good about (getting good grades), was not enough. Now I feel inferior in every posible way. And ugly, and uninteresting, and stupid. I've been intherapy for many years now, but my doctor has not been able to tackle this problem and so I reject the treatment now. I don't know what to do either.
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