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suicide without a note

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skylark
Full Member

Joined: 14 Apr 2006
Posts: 123
Location: UK

Mon Jul 02, 2007 2:50 pm

suicide without a note

a distant relative just committed suicide recently,

stock piled two weeks supply of pills

just wondering, I watch too many murder programs

is it unusual?

satanstoystore
MVP
MVP

Joined: 10 Sep 2004
Posts: 8050
Location: seattle

Mon Jul 02, 2007 3:52 pm

I'm sorry for your loss. I am not sure about notes.

Greenfield
Junior Member

Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 22

Mon Jul 02, 2007 8:10 pm

Sorry for your loss.

Unusual to commit suicide or not to leave a note? Suicide is definitely extremely unusual in my experience, not leaving a note probably not usual. People in such distress and dreadful mental condition probably don't care so much to be thoughtful and leave a note. Just a perspective here, and again, sorry for your loss. Be well and all the best,

Or Bar

sea otter
Junior Member

Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 69
Location: The Sea

Mon Jul 02, 2007 9:05 pm

I too am sorry for your loss.

My dad tried to commit suicide but was revived. He left without leaving a note.

My husbands mother killed herself. She did not leave a note.

Recently we were hiking and found a woman who drove over a cliff. She survived without injury. She had tried to kill herself. She did not leave a note.

So the 3 people I've known did not leave a note. I do not know what is usual.

Take good care, once again I am sorry for your loss,

Sea Otter

dark fairy
Full Member

Joined: 06 Jun 2007
Posts: 101

Tue Jul 03, 2007 12:55 am

its such a shame to hear that.
my dad best friends committed suicide by jumping in front of a truck. he didnt leave a note but he sent his wife a text message saying 'goodbye, i love you', but that is all. he had depression his whole life and wasnt the first time he attempted suicide so maybe thats why he didnt write a note.

megan
Moderator

Joined: 14 Oct 2004
Posts: 3510

Tue Jul 03, 2007 5:52 am

I was in this state many years ago and I didnt leave a note. I was found though and was in hospital for several weeks but often people dont leave notes because its an extreme distortion of feelings when you are suicidal. You think that no one really cares and the world would be better without you and you are so totally and completely devoid of hope. Leaving a letter is a more rational thing to do. Some people do of course, they have enough clarity and insight to know that people behind may need it.

A friend of my sons recently hung himself at the age of 21. He was laughing and joking around with his father the night before, no one had a clue he was even depressed. there was no note found.

I am really sorry for your loss. I wish people who were suicidal could just grasp that the terrible feeling and hopelessness they feel is actually a dillusion. the problems are temporary and you can heal, but suicide is final. It also devastating to people left behind, moreso than a death through any other 'natural' cause

There are organisations around to help people feeling suicidal at the moment; putting in a google search with the word suicidal would turn them up. There is the Samaritans of course

sea otter
Junior Member

Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 69
Location: The Sea

Tue Jul 03, 2007 1:45 pm

Hi!

Megan thanks for writing what you did. The residue even after many many years is so sad. I still feel hurt (turned into anger) about my dad. We were never allowed to talk about it, no counciling...nothing. Same with my husband. He was 13 when his mom hung herself.
We ended up working on healing together. Then we take a nice walk along a beach and find this other woman in her car Mad

! I had to hold her hand through the broken window while my husband ran for help, 45 minutes later the help came. It brought it all back for a review. I cried so hard that I collapsed on the beach.

With the lady, she had no idea what we all went through to rescue her. My husband ran down a desolate beach, round trip was 3 miles. 2 helicopters came and landed on a dangerous beach with a sheer cliff, around 7 rescuers came down the beach. Then there was all of the emotional turmoil. When she got out of the hospital she called and told us she was broke and asked us what we both did for a living. No "thank you's" nothing. We both felt so flat and sick to our stomachs. I actually felt hatred towards her until I dug deep and found what was really going on.

There really is no closure in that situation. I can only speak for myself and my husband, the guilt, sadness, and anger a suicide leaves behind has been hard to recover from, we feel bewildered and shocked. We both never got a chance to understand "why"??? they did it (attempt in my dads case).

Crying or Very sad

All around it is the worse experience for everyone involved....

Sea Otter

megan
Moderator

Joined: 14 Oct 2004
Posts: 3510

Tue Jul 03, 2007 5:30 pm

Hi Sea Otter ... You and your partner have clearly had some terrible experiences of this. Suicide is a double whammy really. firstly you have the usual bereavement and grief of loosing someone you love and then there are feelings of rejection, of feeling that "I didnt matter enough" or " they couldnt have cared about my feelings"; not to mention guilt that you didnt prevent it ... all natural but inappropriate feelings as none of these situations are true. A suicidal person has a completely distorted view of reality. They actually are unbalanced. Its odd that someone in this frame of mind can very often 'seem' very calm and rational. they probably feel some peace once they have made up their mind, as in my son's friend. Many suicidal people would think that their families would be better off without them anyway and dont have the reason and rationality to write notes very often or appreciate that those left behind may need to understand.

I am glad that your dad survived it. I'm glad I did, because I certainly didnt stay in that hopeless dark place.

It may feel awkward but perhaps you could try and talk to him about it? tell him that you need to understand and would want to help him. This may give you some clarification and closure

There are also bereavement counsellors that would also help you work through the suicide of a loved one. Its good that you and your partner can talk about it and work through it all

sea otter
Junior Member

Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 69
Location: The Sea

Tue Jul 03, 2007 7:35 pm

Megan I am so happy you survived!!! Trully I am!!!! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and depth of knowledge. And I am sorry you went through such a sad time in your life.
Your posts have really helped me. I've been reading your posts over and over. I have to make sure I break my walls of hurt to really understand the other sides perspective. It's been hard for me to open enough to explore this perspective. I'm a little embarassed to admit I was more focused on my own pain. I think that evolved from not being allowed to talk about it with my parents. I had no other frame of reference to understand except my own pain.

Thanks for helping me start to break those walls down and dig deeper.

My parents were extremely abusive. They are sick people. I mean sick as in mentally gone. They both came from terrible pasts...

I chose not to follow their path and lovingly pulled away. They couldn't handle not having control so they disowned me. Strange word, but for lack of better I'll use that. It was like loosing them in death only they are still alive. It's a long sad story, but I'm better off and happier now. I'm writing this to let you know that speaking with my dad is not an option.

Warmest Regards,

Sea Otter

megan
Moderator

Joined: 14 Oct 2004
Posts: 3510

Tue Jul 03, 2007 8:20 pm

Hi Sea Otter, I know sometimes when there seems no resolution that best thing you can do for your own peace and survival is split from them. It does sound like you have a relationship with your partner that is open and you can talk. I hope so and I hope this continues to support you. Its natural to think of your own pain, especially when you are young. After all thats what you can feel, its inside you. Its only when you are rational and detached from a situation that you can see a situation from other angles.

I also came from a very shaky and abusive start in life and got away from it since my early teens, so I can relate to what you are saying. Sometimes it seems that your parents behaviour has somehow engulfed you and become part of you, but it isnt. Its about them, their sickness, their problems. Takes some time to realise that you are independent and a free spirit and really can heal and be your own person ... I'm still learning and sounds like you are on the right road.

Hey Sea Otter (love the name!) keep strong and love who you are.. nothing and no one can stop you shining!

Michael Lank
Super Member

Joined: 22 Feb 2004
Posts: 5816
Location: Lewes, UK

Tue Jul 03, 2007 8:29 pm

According to Wikipedia 'It is estimated that 12-20% of suicide victims leave a note'.

megan
Moderator

Joined: 14 Oct 2004
Posts: 3510

Wed Jul 04, 2007 5:55 am

Not many then! I also read once that most successful (hardly seems the right word!) suicides had one to several failed attempts before.

megan
Moderator

Joined: 14 Oct 2004
Posts: 3510

Wed Jul 04, 2007 6:09 am

Few helpful and informative links here

http://www.maytree.org.uk/

http://sobs.admin.care4free.net/index.htm

http://www.communigate.co.uk/london/depressiongroupforcroydon/page5.phtml

http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/mind/wwr_suicide.html

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/How+to/How+to+help+someone+who+is+suicidal.htm

nickysantana7
New Member

Joined: 18 May 2007
Posts: 12
Location: North east england

Fri Feb 15, 2008 11:12 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss about 5 years ago i was on a bridge contenplateing killing myself. The police turned up and took me home but it caused allot of problems with my mum.She was upset for a long time and feard i was gowing to do it ..I only realy rember just wanting to end the pain i was in and my mind was thinking of the things i didn't want to think off it was realy bad . but now when i think off the pressure i put on outher people i feel terrible but when you are in that state of mind your mind dosn't think that way(about outhers)...About 2 years ago i had a friend who did jump of f that exact bridge and he died. being angry i suppose i just appart of grieving

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