I hate having a crush on someone

Postby venatic » Tue Jul 24, 2007 10:54 pm

Hi, I am a noob, first time poster possibley.

I really hate myself for having a crush on someone. i hate myself for lacking the ability and strength like other guys. I met this girl at work in my college, she's a 3rd yr student, I am a 5th year student. I find her very very attractive, and asked her to post for a poster that I am responsible for a school program. I never see her before at all, we are in a completely different program. She's very smart and in a very competitive program. She moved to the city from a small town, she has a very very nice personality. I really want to tell her how I feel, but I just dont' think I have a freakin chance. She's surrounded by so many "guy friends', those prob tried to hit on her... She seems very popular as well, but as the same time, study very hard, she even goes to school on sundays to study.

I went out with her a couple times, one time to do the photo shooting, another time for coffee. I was very nervous everytime I am with her, I hate myself for that. I will treat her like a princess if I can have her as my girlfriend... but I just don't think I have what it takes. I am no alphe male, some what nerdy....I hate myself....

Anyway, I called her on monday, and ask her to have lunch with me from 11-12 at school. I guess I will tell her how I feel when I see her tomorrow.... I know most likely I will just go in crash and burn, but whtever, I am a nice person, I just don't have what it takes to prove it..... Man... sometime, I blame why I get to meet her at all, since i never seen her before (my school is a small college), why given me the chance to meet such a nice girl in my last semester.... I really hope any1 who's lucky enough to get her don't abuse her ans slap her around.....
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Postby ish » Fri Jul 27, 2007 5:24 pm

you should really give it a try, you wouldnt know if you dont try.
i once dated someone on the more geeky side (lets say an academic is a better word). i waited for about 6 months for him to ask me out. i eventually ended up askin him out. he really like me but couldnt ask me out cos he was too nervous for the same reasons as yours (i had way too many guy friends who were pretty good looking and i am more on the attractive side).. and he was dumbstrucken when i asked him out..but i wouldve loved it if it were the other way round and he asked me out..
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Postby venatic » Sat Jul 28, 2007 11:17 pm

Thanks for the reply.

Last Friday, I finally have the guts, I called her and tell her how I felt.

Basically, I asked her out for a cup of coffee, but she said no because she's busy. She tell me to just say what I wanna to say over the phone...and I did.

I told her, I really like her, and felt that time is always constrained every time we spend time together... I told her, I told her I really want to take her out for a date. I want to get to know her more, more than just friends. I regretted that I didn't ask you out on a date the first time, and didn't get to meet you earlier... I told her I've got two tickets to the second city next Thursday, and would love to take her there. She said she doesn't know, because her sister is getting married next Saturday, and there might be practice and stuff. I told her, I have to book the ticket by the end of the day, so I will take it as a rain check that you are going to go. I told her I will call her to confirm it on Tuesday, she said ok.

I don't know, I felt I was very straightforward....i dunno, I have a feeling she's going to tell me she couldn't go on tuesday... ..... we will see....
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Postby captaincaveman1999 » Sun Jul 29, 2007 1:40 am

Careful buddy, sounds like you're coming off as desperate to her.

Please google "ladder theory"

Ignore the piggish misogynistic rhetoric and you have a pretty good clue as to how men and women interact w/ each other.
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Postby ish » Sun Jul 29, 2007 4:36 pm

A better way of approaching that would have been asking her out when you are physically together (NOT OVER THE PHONE)- rather wait another week if you have to. I agree with captaincavment that it sounds a little bit desperate. When she asked you to say it over the phone you shouldve said that you need to talk to her sometime whenever she has the time and is free. When a girl says she doesn't know, in the scenario you've described, its generally a softer way not to hurt your feelings. Maybe next time don't push a girl too much, rather leave her with the option at the end asking her something like, "so..would you be interested in goin out with me? You can think about it and let me know.."

On the positive side, well done on giving it a try, and hope you get what you want. Good Luck.
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Postby GSky » Mon Jul 30, 2007 8:25 am

Hi venetic,

First of all I really respect your courage! But I have to agree with both Captaincaveman and Ish.

My advice is to just take it easy and hang out with her. Forget about trying to tell her how you feel for a while, relax and just have fun, be yourself, enjoy her company. Coming onto her too fast is definately a turn off, especially for an attractive girls like her.

Confidence definately helps, but If you truly think you are no match for her, may I suggest focusing on improving yourself first!

Best wishes.
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Postby Jonny Boy » Tue Jul 31, 2007 4:41 pm

I don't know what experience you have with speaking to and attracting the opposite sex. I think it is great to try and face the challenges when trying to further yourself and it sounds like that is what you have done. It tough doing anything when the outcome is uncertain but it's possible to learn something about yourself each time you try.

venatic wrote:Hi, I am a noob, first time poster possibley.

i hate myself for lacking the ability and strength like other guys.
I am no alphe male, some what nerdy....I hate myself....

but whtever, I am a nice person, I just don't have what it takes to prove it.....

You don't seem to like yourself in comparison to how you perceive others and you have also recognised a difference. Well here is the thing. It is absoluely fine to be who you are! You don't have to be like someone else to have success. What you need is confidence in yourself and who you are and to like who you are.
You have indicated that you have qualities that you do like. Can you think about ways in which you can bring these to the surface?
Can you think of ways of bringing others good qualities to surface too?
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Postby a_rome » Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:38 pm

I'm sorry to say this but...Never tell someone how you feel that fast unless you feel a connection between you. You need to gather up a little more confidence in yourself. Do not talk about your self unless she asks. Find out what she likes then talk about that. Get her talking about herself and listen. Every thing she says you can use in your "game". Listen for things that you have in common and talk about it. If she is from Colorado, ask her what she likes more skiing or snowboarding. If she likes snow boarding better, agree with her. Be confident and LISTEN. Let her do the talking. Good Luck!!
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Postby bananamuffin » Wed Aug 01, 2007 6:01 pm

There is this website. Nerdguide to become a better person. Somthn like that.
I read about it once, not really my case, but one thing that I found. It was true for me.
Having overly romantic feelings for a girl, or thinking about a girlfriend as someone extremely special that you (maybe as you said, I'm not sure) "treat a s as princess" and are really close and so on and blablabla.... that's quite unreal. It's more like a normal friend...just a little different, with the special feeling. Not that romantic, complicated, world-changing at first...

Why do you hate yourself? A self-confident nerd is still way cooler than a self-hating nerd.
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Postby License2Thrill_007 » Fri Aug 03, 2007 11:34 am

Read this it will help http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/ebook.html get his e-book or sign up to his news letter you will learn a lot and it will help you immensely
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Postby venatic » Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:10 am

Actually, she said yes when I called her back on Tuesday !!!!

We went out, but i screwed up by trying too hard.... I was so nervous, so I ended up doing the talking most of the night, it was bad....
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