My husband loves shemale but he loves me too :(

Postby desperatehousewife » Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:31 pm

Hi, I'm female 35 yo. I've been married for 1.5 years now. I have a problem that makes me trauma everytime I remember it.

When we got married, I didn't know that my husband had relationship with shemales/transgender. Later on, I caught him in the act when he was chatting with one of his shemale friends. He denied it at first, and was a bit upset that I caught him. I was more shocked. Why would he have relationship with shemale anyway?

Short story, finally I had a chance to talk to this shemale he was chatting. This shemale told me that my husband loved her (I am not sure in what level), and she said their friendship was too beautiful to stop (cause I wanted them to stop communicating). This shemale told me about everything that I've never heard from my husband's mouth such as he ever had a serious relationship with a shemale in his hometown. I was so shocked and started to imagine all the sex relationship happened with both of them. I really don't have any idea why he did that, and why he didn't tell me since day one I knew him.

Now, he always in denial about this, but I know that he always browse naked pictures of shemales at night or when I am not around. He never tell why he likes the shemales. All he said was they were human too and they had women's personality. I couldn't stand it for he is still doing it until now. I don't know where to seek help as he beg me to not telling this to his family. He loves me a lot and so do I, but facing the reality like this, I couldn't imagine how my family would go (I'm pregnant now).

Could someone help me what to do? All I can do right now is just praying that he would leave his "world" and step with me to reach our future and dreams.

Thank you for listening this...

DHW
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#1

Postby PoppyGoodWill » Sat Aug 04, 2007 12:58 am

I feel compassion for you. That's a big secret and a big part of your husband's life to find out about only after you married him and got pregnant. So now you're in a very difficult position. And it's his fault, because he didn't share this part of his sexuality wiht you, and what's more, he's basically cheating on you now.

A few things to think about:

Your husband likes shemales and there's nothing you can do about it. That is who he's attracted to (along with you, of course, otherwise he woldn't have married you). There's no sense in asking him to stop being attracted to shemales, because he can't. That's like asking you to stop being attracted to men. You can't. It's natural for you. And as strange as it is to you, shemales are natural for him.

BUT....you are totally entitled to ask him to stop chatting with, seeking out and seeing shemales. ESPECIALLY one who tells you boldly that he loves her. If he keeps pursuing this friendship/relationship, that is the SAME as cheating on you with another woman. He is married, which means no chatting with other people on a sexual/intimate level, no cruising websites looking to connect with other people, and no keeping up correspondance with a person who would tell his wife that they love eachother. That is CHEATING! Whether it's a woman or a shemale, doens't matter.

So I think you should tell your husband that this is not about why kind of sexual preference he has, but about what he does about it. Perhaps you can live with him looking at pornography of shemales. But tell him that you can not -- and wlll not -- live with a cheating husband. He has already damaged your trust by keeping his correpsondance with this shemale (and others??) a secret. He needs to clean up his act, and commit himself to your relationship. If he doesn't, then you should leave him now sister, cause it's only going to get worse.

So, to recap: try not to focus on the fact it's shemales, but on the fact that he's betraying your trust and your marriage vows by his behaviour. Tell him if he doesn't clean up his act, it's over between you. You deserve better.

good luck. Sending a hug your way.
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#2

Postby desperatehousewife » Tue Aug 07, 2007 10:22 pm

Hi Poppy,

Thank you for the reply. I guess I really need to hear something from someone who can understand it. The difficulty is that I can't stop thinking about this is shemale, although I am not against on all shemales, but when it concerns about my husband's life, then it's my concern too.

I wish I could be someone that you were talking about; think about the relationship not the gender. I guess I am not able to do that right now, but I have to try to make a progress in my life.

Thanks again for your suggestion, I really appreciate it.

Regards,
DHW
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