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Confidence and Self Esteem Resources
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Moreno
Junior Member
Joined: 07 Feb 2004
Posts: 66
Sun Feb 08, 2004 9:40 am
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lie down, close your eyes. think of situations where you have blushed. think of the things you might want to say in certain situations, but don't because you might blush. they look at you.
what is it they might see, realize about you?
when we say something in front of others and they look at us if our boundary is not so strong, we may feel like they can see inside us. What might they see about you?
do you feel like the things you might say are strange, different? when you go into your feelings about being seen/heard do any earlier memories come up (from school, in your family) where you were looked at and it felt bad? What happened?
So my general suggestion is for you to explore the feelings, memories that come up when you remind yourself about blush situations. Then when you understand more about what might be seen or how you might be judged share this with someone you trust, a close friend. This might include a kind of reality check- would that have been a strange thing to say? etc. It could also include sharing your feelings about whatever memories come up.
And you have strong emotions and that's great and not the problem. The problem is you can't do what you want and I wish you luck in finding out why and getting some warmth and support in there. |
amber1970
New Member
Joined: 24 Mar 2004
Posts: 17
Wed Mar 24, 2004 3:18 pm
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:roll: Have you tried a practical solution of wearing a foundation base, then powder on top and a little blusher. It would mask some of the redness, but more importantly could give you more confidence if you felt more attractive, that people were seeing you, not just red cheeks. You should try it, and don't worry about the blushing, it's an attractive feature for some people. I'm anaemic and I wish I had a bit of colour in my cheeks!! |
Mark Tyrrell
Uncommon Knowledge Staff
Joined: 16 Sep 2003
Posts: 442
Thu Mar 25, 2004 4:48 pm
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| Blushing |
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Hi
Self consciousness really gets in the way of enjoyment and spontenaety. We fear the gaze of others and imagine what they 'must' be thinking of us.
However there is another way of looking at it and I don't mean to be glib or suggest a slight change in perspective is all one needs to stop blushing, but: What do we humans have to do to actually be noticed by others?
I'm always amazed when I watch shows like 'Trigger Happy TV' where grown men dress as out sized rabbits, cats etc. and pretend to fight in the street. What amazes me is the way most of the public just carry on going about their business hardly seeming to notice! Many people, it seems, just do not pick up on subtlies or even more obvious behaviour in others.
I work quite regularly using hypnosis to treat blushing and nervous sweating
which is an instinctive (non-conscious) response so it makes sense to work with it on the instinctive level which is what is accessed via hypnosis.
We know that blood flow can be controlled through the instictive use of the imagination i.e spend five minutes imagining your hands heating up around an open fire and you can direct more blood into your hands-strongly imagining your hands in ice can cool them. So working with a skilled, solution-focussed hypnotherapist may help you control blushing.
All the best.
Mark. |
jimmycat
New Member
Joined: 23 Mar 2004
Posts: 8
Fri Mar 26, 2004 12:34 am
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| Re: Blushing is getting me down |
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The symptoms of Idiopathic Craniofacial Erythema or severe facial blushing include: uncontrollable, unprovoked facial redness that flushes over the entire face. The flush of redness also carries with it a significant amount of heat that masks itself over the entire face.
Facial blushing can occur at any given time with no advanced warning. Blushing can be brought on while talking with coworkers, having lunch with friends, making introductions, hitting the brakes in the car, even taking communion at church. All of these seemingly "normal activities" bring on a whole new feeling of shame and unworthiness in the victims of uncontrollable facial blushing, once the redness sinks in.
A person suffering from Idiopathic Craniofacial Erythema may exhibit one or more of the following indicators:
1. Knowing in your mind that you are somehow "different"
2. Choosing a profession that makes you feel "safe" (from the redness). Examples include: Lawyers that don't try cases, Research doctors who don't see patients, people suffering from facial blushing are those usually working behind the scenes.
3. Difficulty in relationships
4. Drinking alcohol excessively in order to speak your mind
Children suffering from the medical condition of facial blushing avoid people of authority or speaking in front of the class, all actions that would evoke the redness. Family members and friends of people suffering from the medical condition of facial blushing often accuse the victim of lying or being "guilty of something" once they watch the redness sink in.
There are anti-anxiety medications that can help control an over-active nervous system. Please consult your doctor for more information. There is also a surgery option, but is used with EXTREME cases becuase the risks are high. CBT may be your first stop. Perhaps by learning to deal with this problem, you may learn how to effectivly manage it. There is a wonderful book out there called "The Hidden Face of Shyness" by Franklin Schneier and Lawrence Welkowitz that was written to help people with social anxieties like this. Perhaps check a copy out at your local library. Best of luck. |
DebbieC
New Member
Joined: 21 Apr 2004
Posts: 2
Wed Apr 21, 2004 11:38 am
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| Same problem here!!! |
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I have the same problem as Louisa and have tried to relax and take deep breaths etc. I blush for no apparent reason at times, just if someone asks me a question! One big problem I have is if a guy says something complementary about my appearance I blush at first(which I imagine is normal), but if I ever see that person again I get nervous and shake and can't think straight and go bright red! How do I stop it?! It makes me look so silly. Same thing happens if I like a guy, once I know he likes me too I will never be able to look at him in the face again and when I do I go bright red and start shaking! Men get fed up with this because they can't talk to me and just give up on trying to talk to me. What do I do??? |
sarahj
New Member
Joined: 29 Apr 2004
Posts: 1
Thu Apr 29, 2004 7:54 pm
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| i wish i knew the answer!! |
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i am totally the same. I have just started a new job and i convinced myself that i wouldn't start going red again. Today i have come home from work and feel totally miserable as a lad who works there said something to me (nothing spectacular) and i went bright red - and if i hadn't realised everyone else around me thought to point it out! Its funny with me because i am a confident person and work in Sales but i think alot of it has to do withworrying about it happening then it happens. I think people see me as some sort of oddball when i go red ..then i start hating myself and my self confidence drops to an all time low. I felt like punching the girl i sit accross from, and i may as well have glued the telephone to my ear as i tried to stay on it all day so as to avoid getting into a conversation...and going red again. I found this site as i was looking to find out more about the operation you can have although it does seem a bit drastic. I have tried that green base concealer you can buy but that hasn't worked either. I am 28 now and don't want to spend another 28 years feeling the same as i don't think i'll get anywhere with my career being this way.I do sympathise with you about talking to lads - i use to drink and was ok then -but i don't think this was advisable...especially having bumped into one a week late in Asda - i tried to act casual but felt like a complete tosser!! |
Cjm
Guest
Thu Apr 29, 2004 9:39 pm
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Sarah J I know exactly how you feel! I am a 28 year old guy and since I was about 14/15 I have been unable to stop myself blushing. Ok some people don't see me as shy cos I have had a few relationships etc but I always feel nervous and worry about going red. I started a new job six months ago(only my 2nd job since I left school) and I work in an office full of mostly women. They tease me a lot and make me go red and the last few days it has really started to get to me. I have tried focusing on something else and breathing slowly etc but it gets me nowhere-I still blush. I have tried to laugh it off but inside I am unhappy. They are nice people to work with most of the time but they are making me life hell by teasing me and they don't know it. I feel like it's my fault and I shouldn't go red. I just want to be 'normal' and feel relaxed. One of the women said today you shouldn't be bashful at 28 and I know I shouldn't. Has anyone got any advice? I have read you can take a tablet to stop blushing is this true? I know I have to do something about it now because I am single and feel like I am missing out on so much in life because of this problem. I never feel relaxed unless I am at home or have had a few pints. Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks. |
sarahmc
New Member
Joined: 15 Aug 2004
Posts: 1
Location: London
Sun Aug 15, 2004 10:58 pm
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| help sum1! |
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im in the exact same position as you guys. Louisa I know how you feel! Its the worst being a blusher I hate it so much. For ages I have turned red at the dumbest of reasons, and it never helps when people around me point it out (which my friends ALWAYS do) because it then just gets worse! I would really love to know if there is a tablet I can take to stop blushing or at least cut it back.please if any one knows reply thanks!! |
jurplesman
Super Member
Joined: 21 Jun 2004
Posts: 10375
Location: Sydney, Australia
Tue Aug 17, 2004 6:33 am
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I see blushing as a reaction coming from the autonomic nervous system over which we have no direct control.
It seems to be under the control of adrenaline production from the adrenal gland, and if this is so, then we need to do something about stopping the overproduction of adrenaline.
Thus blushing seems to have a similar mechanism as when we have anxiety attacks, that also results in the overproduction of adrenaline.
In the case of anxiety attacks it helps to go on a hypoglycemic diet that will stabilize blood sugar levels, insulin and stress hormones (adrenaline).
You can be tested for hypoglycemia by completing the NBI at our web site, or have yourself tested medically with a special Glucose Tolerance Test as described at our web site.
But blushing cannot be separated from psychological factors, especially those relating to a negative self-image. The latter can be treated by a course in psychotherapy especially dealing with a low self-esteem.
We have a self-help course in psychotherapy that helps you to overcome a negative self image by means of private mental exercises, but this can also be done with the help of a counsellor or therapist. Please discuss with your therapist.
Thus here are some avenues you can explore to overcome the blushing problem.
Best of luck.
Jur |
Luke1984
New Member
Joined: 20 Sep 2004
Posts: 1
Mon Sep 20, 2004 2:54 am
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Hi.. I'm new here.. and I've just found this site. I have the same problem, and I've been thinking about it lately. Amber said that she is anaemic, is there a way to become anaemic? Well, I envy her a bit. Could I like, give blood more often.. give more blood? Practice yoga? Somehow direct that blood to other body part? And I'm sorry if I had some gramatical errors because I don't speak english so often. Thanks |
chrissyguk
New Member
Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1
Wed Sep 29, 2004 5:54 pm
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Oh my god I dodnt realise other people were bothered as much as i aim for this reddness. Im a school teacher and just today i went bright red because a pupil wouldnt give me a bottle when i asked him too. wouldn't be so bad but i could hear a nice sweet girl behind me saying hehehe look how red she is going. I wasnt mad, i was laughing, but because i went red and someone noticed. i felt i couldn't then get angry because it would make me worst.
Now its a bad crack when you dont want to enforce discipline incase you go red. As i happens this time they think i'm a cool teacher, but i dont want to be walked all over.
Any suggestions |
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