I just don't care anymore

Postby prey1234 » Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:54 am

Hey I made a post the other week about feeling rough all the time, I'm still feeling like that but now my emotions have gone too, I just don't care about anything any more. I'm not overly sad, but im not happy either, I don't enjoy anything anymore and I just care that I feel like this. Its weird I have never felt like this before I have suffered depression/anxiety for about a year now and I just feel so weird.

I find it hard to explain what I mean, normally I'll have a bad week or so then a few weeks when I'm totally normal, but I have felt like this for 2 months now, I just don't understand it. I can't/ don't wanna eat, I can't sleep, I have no energy and I just don't care! I never laugh now, even when I was really bad I could still laugh.


I don't get it!
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#1

Postby Twenties » Sat Oct 06, 2007 1:41 pm

Hi

Are you asking why you have this absence of feelings?
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#2

Postby prey1234 » Sat Oct 06, 2007 5:56 pm

kind of, I just never felt like this, in the year I've had depression I just feel really odd, and wanted to know if anyone else got this? I mainly feel sick all the time, and if I do eat I really really wanna make myself sick. I just don't seem to have an emotions or energy either.
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#3

Postby ekalaivan » Sat Oct 06, 2007 6:11 pm

prey,
i also feel like you. not wanting to do anything. hopeless. it's been like this for long. no one seems to understand, moreover, i don't feel like sharing it with anyone. they might hurt me. they are always correct. only i feel pissed off, and it shows on face. i know i am empty inside, but the image i have put forth to others looks too tough to break. others think i am always patient, i just don't realize what they are saying. i dunno how i managed this far. i just dunno. did this tell something about me? well, i am more than that, on the worse side. i've been hating myself for long. i know my problem, but knowing never solved my problems.
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#4

Postby Twenties » Sat Oct 06, 2007 7:13 pm

prey1234 wrote:kind of, I just never felt like this,...


Well, I felt like this, too. It got to the point where I had to tell myself: the other person is trying to be funny, so now I should smile. I wasn't able to laugh naturally, I had to pretend I have feelings.

I only was told pretty late that not feeling emotions is a very typical sign of depression. You often don't really feel unhappy, just sort of empty. My emotions came back once the depression started to lift. The lack of energy is typical as well, of course..
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#5

Postby prey1234 » Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:11 am

I hate feeling like this, I don't feel bad enough to go back to the docs for more AD's I don't want to be on meds. I don't care about work, social life, nothing, Instead I just feel all fuzzy in the head. Its odd, Ah well I hope this passes.

How did you get over it? did you go on AD's?? Or did it just start to lift on its own? I still do everything I used to like going out and stuff I just get no enjoyment out of it.
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#6

Postby Twenties » Sun Oct 07, 2007 1:46 pm

prey1234 wrote:How did you get over it? did you go on AD's?? Or did it just start to lift on its own? I still do everything I used to like going out and stuff I just get no enjoyment out of it.


I am not sure how exactly I got over it.

I did do a lot of things simultaneously. I took ADs (multiple meds, some at high/very high doses). I also changed to a more healthy diet: I reduced my coffee consumption, I now eat breakfast, and I eat/drink less sugar. I am also taking various vitamin supplements. Also, I am trying to sleep more. During the day, I sometimes practise relaxation.

On the mental side, I did a CBT course on the internet and I am constantly adjusting the way I think. I am also going to therapy and was lucky enough to get a good therapist. She helped me reorganize my life, which reduced the stress I was under immensely.

I also decided to pursue a different career (I am now going for a job in teaching, rather than a job in banking). I can actually see myself as a teacher, I know I will be good at it and I will like the job. On the other hand the thought of becoming trapped in a huge financial corporation paralyzed me.

Also, I am in contact with others much more. I am regularly playing poker with friends, and I'm going to a chess club regularly. I will look for a girlfriend, soon. At first I had to force myself to do these things, but now I am beginning to enjoy social contact. In order to make all this possible, I had to throw my PC away, gaming was taking up far too much time.

I should note I am still on ADs, but all symptoms of depression are gone. I don't know if the depression would return if I would stop with ADs. I will find out sometime next year. However, there have been serious changes in my life outside of ADs, so I will be much better prepared if a low hits me.

I should also note that it took about half a year for the depression to lift, so it wasn't really an easy ride. Anyway, I don't think there was just one thing that caused the depression to go away, I think multiple things were responsible for it.
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#7

Postby JoJo07 » Sun Oct 07, 2007 5:25 pm

Hi guys,

I understand all of what you said on this post. Ive had depression now for what I believe is some years. Only recently has it manifested itself into physical form - anxiety/panic attacks etc. At first emotions would run really high and Id swing from anger to despair to being relatively normal until it all started again, but now I just cant be bothered anymore. It scared me deeply to realise that Im numb, and empty and cant really feel anything anymore, I cant be bothered to eat, drink, socialize, even simple things like look after myself because i cant see the point in it all. You literally have to force yourself to do everything and almost force yourself to have emotions, i can laugh at something but never really feel the laughter if you get me. Ive never been on medication for it, just been put on beta-blockers for the anxiety which i dont even take. If anyone has any advice Id be more than pleased to hear it. xx
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#8

Postby jano » Sun Oct 07, 2007 5:39 pm

Relief, not on my own
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