35 yr old, trying to give up marijuana after 14 yrs (day 15)

Postby Rat Dragon » Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:05 pm

OK, firstly thanks for the posts ppl. I hope that reading the experiences of others help us all with our demons.

After nearly 15 years i have decided to give up the weed, I am definately a heavy smoker probably 1-2 grams of the stuff per day. For me it progressed initially from casual smoking to everyday within the first 3 years of the habit.

Although it has been over two weeks now, there has been little let up in the withdrawal symptoms and I am questioning my coping skills.

symptoms are:

- sweaty palms (no improvement)
- severe night sweats (some improvment over the last few days here)
- body odor (some improvement after week 2)
- mild to moderate headaches (some improvment in week 2)
- unbelievably vivid dreams (very disturbing horror gothic types mainly, these started in week 2 and have not let up)
- trouble getting to sleep (constant, though i have been using alchohol to help which is probably not the smartest thing, no improvement here yet)
- physical tension (mild improvment)
- low self esteem (I would like to say there has been some improvment in week 2)
- Emotional (I find myself crying at least once every day and often feel insane at these times with pacing and aimless wandering around the house)

Other symptoms also, y'know I am quiting for a lot of reasons but partly becasue the green was having negative affect of my state of mind and happiness, whereas once this was not the case. But since stopping all of these things have actually gotten worse. It's like you have to get worse before you can get better.

I have decided that the withdrawal benefit is not probably cumilative with the number of abstinant days and the ebb and flow of symptoms is impossible to predict, like day 6 can be harder than day 5, that kind of thing. Day 9, harder than day 8 but not as hard as day 11. I just cant 'feel' the improvment yet. I feel as if I am going to be once of those people who will take years to get over it. Most days my brain feels like a fried circuitboard.

My best friend of 6 years and I are virtually ignoring each other, she has given up too she says and traditionally we help drive the addiction in the other. But I fear the relationship is going to end because there are all these negative associations there with the pot. But I miss her like crazy when I am not angry at her for disappearing and not being there for each other for support, but like i said we traditionally drive each others habit, so its a catch 22. This marijuana has permiated through my life and its not just the pot I have to quit but seemingly all these other things that go along with it.. I wish I could enjoy life again, this really hurts.

I am working on some positive self talk but feel like I am lying to myself when I tell myself how proud I am for giving up the green.

Anyways, I'm still on the ciggas and plan to give these up soon but I need a crutch at the moment.

I am taking vitamin suppliments including a multi, fish oil, zinc and St John Wort and have cut my coffee intake to 3 -4 cups a day and increased my water intake.

Anyway peace to you all, I feel a little less isolated becasue of this board and wish all of you the best with your recovery... and your journey

John
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#1

Postby AdamUK » Wed Dec 12, 2007 11:13 pm

Hi Rat Dragon,

I smoked weed for 13 years so not much different to you although i did it in 'moderation' for the last 3 years.

The main bulk of the negative effects lasted for about a week for me - mainly due to my sleeping pattern being all over the place and that having knock-on effects for the next day and so on.

I think the main battle once over that is a psychological one (although i did have what felt like physical withdrawels and the odd mad dream up to 3 weeks after stopping)

I know it's hard but try and be positive - think of this as a start to a new way of life, a new way of thinking. The two things that have helped me is the Omega 3 type of fish oil with a high EPA and also Berocca (which i swear by) multivitamins which is a very high safe dose (i take the tablets not the effervecent ones)

Your relationship with your friend can heal up once you are back on the mend - i think somehow you just need a week of decent sleep to feel better but i definitely wouldn't try and get sleep with alcohol.

Is there any chance you can go along to your doctor and explain you have quit cannabis and are having trouble sleeping?

Things will work out, be positive, be strong, and after a few days of good sleep once your body has charged up its batteries and your sleeping pattern returns to normal i am confident you will feel glad you've made this decision.

Remember, if you don't go through the pain, you're not gonna feel the gain!

Best wishes,

Adam.

Ps. And keep us posted! It will help you i'm sure.
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#2

Postby Rat Dragon » Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:27 am

G'day Adam.. Cheers for the positivity dude. I tell you its a pendalem swinging both ways. This board and its folk are invaluable... I will definately keep you informed...

I have a mate from high school days who is an accupunturist and natural therapist, we have been friends over 20 years but don't 'hang out' like we once did, you know how it is, smokers tend to associate with their own kind for the most part on a social level. But when the chips are down he's been there for me and I for him. He's going to give me a treatment tomorrow which is great. I took a hot bath tonight with lavender and have reduced my alchohol intake to just a glass of wine (instead of the whole bottle!!), see how it goes... I need to keep writing here and will post an update on or around day 21... Your words helped me man, so thanks again...

I need to alter my co-dependant ties. For me this is as a big a challenge as the quiting itself... I am still having fantasies about using (little mind justifications for a night back on to give me a break) but so far so good...

Peace brother... J
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#3

Postby jurplesman » Fri Dec 14, 2007 5:49 am

Please have a look at the nutritional treatment of addiction:

Drug Addiction is a Nutritional Disorder
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#4

Postby Soliloque » Fri Dec 14, 2007 6:55 am

Hey,
please don't stop your improvement. I know it's hard (I'm only at day 7 after 7 years) but you'll see improvements. The problem is they won't come by themselves, you have to try something new. I'm sure you'll find some improvements on your attention span, concentration, etc. Use thoses to read about self-improvement (not for the weed addict, but for the everyday folk). Improvements on your mood won't come by itself. Your brain has been used to do the same things for a certain years. You have to break those associations and habits, and find something new to do with yourself. If you keep your ancient lifestyle, it will only make it worse. Maybe you could take some books at the library, find a course on something you're interested with, etc. I'm sure there's something you're eager to learn about, and wasn't able to learn because the grass took you too much of your much of your time and/or your attention span. The grass made me unable to do certain things, now that I am out of it, I try to do thoses things. You should do the same.

And don't stop posting on this forum, I'm sure it will help you. I'm eager to have news, I'm sure your recovery will be worth it. You can find hapiness =)

Soli
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#5

Postby Rat Dragon » Sun Dec 16, 2007 12:19 pm

G'day all,

It's inspiring to hear how well people are doing on the board and find myself returning to this site, more that I would have thought... Tomorrow I am determined to get my house clean and free from that tobacco smell and beer bottles (I've been smoking my donkey off until the last few days).

MY bad dreams have calmed down and my sweating has diminished. Still have headaches a bit and a heavy feeling. Mood is still pretty atrocious most of the time, mainly sadness and anger and lonliness. I'm not really there yet with hanging with straight people socially in a big way, generally feel pretty antisocial still.

Had my accupunture treatment a few days ago, with another session coming in 3 days. It definately left me mentally calm for the rest of that day. It was interesting after the needles were inserted I had the shakes for about the first 5 minutes of treatment and my left eye was twitching away for about 10 minutes, freaking me out a bit... then this amazing calm came over me as my bosy relaxed. After the treatment I felt wonderful, lasted a good 4 hours and I slept really well that night. I have not used alchohol to get to sleep for the last 2 nights as it is making me feel sick since the accupunture. Damn it. haha.

Over the next week I am going to focus on the following

- clean house
- calming my anger
- meditation
- getting some exercise
- try to develop a more regular pattern of going to be and getting up at the same time.
- Throwing out my bong (yes I still have it after nearly 3 weeks of stoping)

I quit my job about 2 weeks ago and won't be starting my new position till next year, which is great. December can be a stressful enough time of year anyway, even more so with quiting.

I have started to accept that my codependant relationships may die along with habit, that upsets me no-end for a lot of reasons. That sh** hurts because of the deep feelings I have towards people I care about, it also is a big part of my sadness and anger... But ultimately I suppose its an externally focused thing in my life... I need to change my locus of control inwards.

I gotta go get some sleep now people. Keep the updates coming
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#6

Postby AdamUK » Sun Dec 16, 2007 9:31 pm

Sounds like you are doing really well even if you don't feel tip top at the moment.

Well done for keeping off the alcohol for the moment - i think it's fine to drink, for fun though not as way of making you sleep or escape problems.

Things will get better mate and you'll start to see things in a new light, put things into perspective. Even if it doesn't seem like you will at the moment!

Here's a big important thing that you should do... it's what Supermami told me to do on here and that's TREAT YOURSELF! It's important to treat yourself i think as you're going through the change from not smoking dope. Spend that money you would have spent on weed on something else instead. Buy that book you've always wanted from Amazon. Order that rare CD from Japan you could never afford. Go on eBay and find that thing you've always wanted. Treat yourself!
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#7

Postby Soliloque » Wed Dec 19, 2007 12:57 am

Hey buddy, thanks for posting on my thread, it made me feel good.
I see that you still improve, good !! As for myself... I smoked a joint last Sunday (doh!) but I promised myself to not do it ever again. At least I didn't get baked the whole night, just a part of it, but I still feel pretty ashamed of myself, angry and incredibly down. Your post made me feel better.

About those feeling of sadness, anger and loneliness I feel like I understand what you mean. It's like during all those years while you were smoking, you thought that weed made you feel better but instead, it just withdraw thoses feelings from you consciousness, it did not annihilate them. Now that you're sober, those mixed-up feelings comes back saying "Hello ! We were still there all this time, just waiting for you to come back so we can slap you right in the face". It's hard to deal with it, so I hope you'll get better. If I'm mistaking about your feelings, hell I'm sorry, you still have my compassion.

Still not able to do art again but I started lately to doodle on every piece of paper I find. I think I'm on my way back to make some great art. Can't wait to jump again on my wacom.

Lately I have this vision of my old self, it's like a Shiva with 8 hands who's holding a joint, a bong, a beer, a cigarette, a video game, a pencil and who's eating like crazy with her 2 hands, her eyes stitched and bleeding with a painful look on her face... it's weird, but at least I had this vision without the help of the grass. yay ! I'll try to paint it this week and post it on my thread. It's not the kind of thing I want to put in my portfolio anyway... I'm more in the concept art stuff usually.

Cheer from Quebec,
Soli
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#8

Postby tsin27 » Wed Dec 19, 2007 12:05 pm

IM PULLIN MY SOCKS UP! =D

Reading all your posts has really given me a better understanding of what im in for, Im 19 years old, i started smokin when i was 12 and was a chronic user by 13, i smoke atleast a gram a day but ive finallly made the choice to quit coz ive been offered a second chance drug test for an electrical apprenticeship i lost at the beggining of this year.

its only been 2 days and I REALLY RESPECT those of you who have been smoking almost 15 years and quit because i can only imagine how much worse it would be for you. last night i layed in bed til like 3 am covered in sweat, i was so angry and depressed at work today and i spent the afternoon wandering around trippin over things staring at walls. last time i was this bored i had never touched a bong and i dont know what i used to do with my time, i need to find a way to occupy myself, i was quite hyperactive before i started smoking and i can feel this coming back already..=S

anyway ill be sure to come back and check how evryones going and post again.

[/b]
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#9

Postby Rat Dragon » Wed Dec 19, 2007 1:27 pm

Its summer here in Australia, a damn hot night tonight, so I have a reason not to sleep apart from the weed withdrawal... A summer rain has just started and I feel it washing away my pain... I've smiled a few times, just to myself you know, not the false smile we sometimes give to others, who can not know what we are going through. I had my second accupunture and this one worked much better, my reaction was not so intense. I have a had a few thoughts about normal socialisation again and will be catching up with a few old mates in about a week for a few summer beers atop the roof of a local venue.

The Shiva image is a strong one Soliloque and I admire your imagination greatly... Even though my dreams are oftentimes dark, I must remember to write them down as they are full of such powerful tokens, some with obvious meaning and some more obscure. Don't worry about the lapse Soliloque, if I had a joint I'd go out out and smoke it on the porch right now. The irony is the enhancment it gives it would take away twofold in the end... So the option is instead to go out there with a cup of camomile tea and a cigarette and enjoy this night for what it is, unadulerated and real.

I haven't given up and will not give up... It's the biggest fight I have, this is our bloody lives we're talking about and I salute you all. If you lapse then don't restart your count, just say OK its day 4, 10, 20, whatever and I've lapsed once... Keep an eye on your ratios and keep moving forward.

I thinking learning to love myself, yourself, ourselves is the key... Be mindful of which voice is speaking inside you, we all have so many...

Love to all... Fear and Anger can only hurt, is hurting, but to let it go, oh that is the freedom I crave and just to flow and be.
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#10

Postby Rat Dragon » Wed Dec 19, 2007 1:34 pm

tsin27 - you will find some good support on the board my young friend and find some new knowledge and some inspiration. never give up being a better you.

AdamUK- You post a lot in support of others, I'm sure its appreciated by all, thank you on behalf on the board!!!

Soliloque - You are a dreamer and doer and a wonderful human being.
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#11

Postby PetiteMiss » Thu Dec 20, 2007 5:48 am

[quote="jurplesman"]Please have a look at the nutritional treatment of addiction:


I read that article. Very interesting. Thanks for posting.
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#12

Postby madchester mick » Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:14 pm

Been smoking every day 4 20 yrs now but 2 days ago decided ive gotta give up & at the moment im struggling but determined.I dont do nuffin after ive had a smoke & gotta get out of this rut but think im gonna find it difficult especially after a working day as i c it as a sort of reward 4 doing a crap job 4 8 hrs.Im also worried that its going 2 take away some of my enjoyment of music which is v important 2 me but im determined 2 do it otherwise i cant c me ever giving up.My situation at the moment is i have bout 6/7 grms left but am hoping that is just a safety net cos am worried i might lose it a bit.How long b4 u start 2 feel the benefits?Any little tips b welcome.I do feel a bit of an idiot asking mates as it is only cannabis but im constantly knackered & occasionally a bit paranoid.Ive looked on the internet 4 self help tips but they end up trying 2 charge u & have the feeling all thats a bit of a rip off.
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#13

Postby Sin999 » Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:40 am

I'm on day two of quitting weed. I managed to quit last year for two months but I only seemed to manage it by isolating myself. With the isolation comes the loneliness and depression. The depression is awful after quitting somtimes. Also the anger, sadness, guilt are emotions you have to deal with.
The problem seems with society.If I could just get away somewhere nice then it might give me a sense of perspective but in our Western culture we're never to far from a dealer.
I am going to try and log on every day and record how I feel. It does help a lot. The problem I have is staying away from influences. My boyriend and I influence each other badly and he needs to quit too but i'm not sure how committed he is to this idea really. How will it ever work? It leads me to questions about the future of our relationship.
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#14

Postby Neal Cassidy 2008 » Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:48 pm

I say mystic because this is what it means. It confuses complicates everything and makes life unclear. I have been smoking frequently almost everyday for the last 16 years, for the half of my life, and as I reached the age of 32 I am beginning to realize that although I thought it had a positive effect on me, I am beginning to sense the negative effects after all these years.

I have been trying to quit, for a long time now. Every time I go and buy it I convince my self to make that the last time, but it is never the last time. I have been trying to quit very seriously for the last two years and it never reached more than 4-5 days, my main difficulty is aggression, I mean if I don't smoke, after 2-3 days I feel as if I am going to flip out! Get into arguments with various people. For stupid reasons. Last summer my parents offered to put me into this clinic for a month but I refused to do it, couldn't risk checking into a mental hospital but now I wish I had did it. I am trying it on my own now but it is very very difficult, aggression brings me to the point where I come to think the best thing to do is to stay in to avoid arguments outside, second problem is the lack of motivation I just don't have heart to do anything, I had done so many things stoned and now non of these things that I did give me the same kick anymore.

I am fed up with all the scums that makes money from the misery of other people. There is no good dealer, if they were any good they wouldn't be a dealer.

When I look back I really feel like I have missed a lot of oppurtunities in my life because of this. so far it has only been 12 hours for me, but I am willing to make this time last.
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