My girlfriend broke up with me because im too 'clingy'

Relationships and families - wonderful when they're working, distressing when they're not.

Postby shteeve » Sat Mar 22, 2008 2:46 am

(I apologise for the length of the message)

Literally last night, in all of the places, a nightclub. We we're getting along fine, having a good laugh and i go to dance for a bit then come back and ask her "whats wrong?", she replies "nothing" so to confirm i said "are you sure?" and thats when it happened! She told me that i was too clingy and obsessive and i never let her see her friends or family.

First off, she lives with housemates who ARE her friends. She see's her family a few times a week and she sees me a few times a week too. We speak everyday on the phone. She said she's 'glad to be single now' and can live her life. She also 'informed' me on how its my fault that she has gained weight and hows she's failing uni. All i've ever done is be there for her when times were hard for her, done the nicest possible things and been very romantic. Her exes have all been bastards.

She has problems from previous relationships which still affect her, but i love her for who she is and i grew to understood those problems and work around them. Same goes for me. The reason i am how I am, is because of my past relationships. I don't understand why she didn't just talk to me about it, save me the heartache and we could've worked around the situation. I'd do anything for her and i'd stop being how i am for her because i love her. We've been together over a year now and we've been strong and never really argued.
She's suffered from depression in the past.

I've been advised by friends and her family (whom are friends also) to let her calm down for a couple of days and she'll talk to me when she's ready. But it's easier for them to say that as they're not in the situation. I've resisted temptation for over 24 hours now to not call her, but i'm struggling. I wanna get in touch but have been warned it could make things worse.
I don't want to have to wait around for a few days, heart-broken, wondering if i'm ever gonna be her boyfriend again. It's hurting me and i can't help but cry.

What should I do? I want her back, but don't wanna drive her away, but i want to talk. I don't think i've done anything wrong for me to get dumped the way i did, being horrible and ignoring me.
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Postby xShinigamiEyesx » Sat Mar 22, 2008 5:36 am

Dude, I know its not easy. I'm in a similar situation where, even though we're not "broken up", it almost feels like we are. Of course, it could just be me overreacting. But I'm having to do the same thing you recommended. Its never any fun, but every time you contact her, it makes it worse. Its best to let her miss you and seek you out on her own.

Hope this helps. :) If you need any more help, feel free to PM me.
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Postby thefool » Sat Mar 22, 2008 12:15 pm

shteeve wrote:I'd do anything for her and i'd stop being how i am for her because i love her


That's probably why you lost her...

Although that's like a complicated reason for her to justify falling out of love with you, so she picked easier ones like... you're to clingy (you prolly ARE though) and you don't let me see my family (There was prolly 1 or 2 occasions where you whined about her leaving to go to her family, am i right?), and you're the reason my grades are failing (this one was prolly a last minute addition since no obvious explanation followed this excuse) and you're the reason i gained weight (another last minute addition, she prolly partially blames you for her depression, and her depression for her weight gain, and so a new theory is born).

Are you SURE her exes were all bastards? Or did she just 'say so'? And if it is true, then HOW COME?!

Maybe the case was that her exes were all bastards, and she desginated the trait 'bastard' as 'bad' and 'undesirable' and so she went with a guy that is the complete opposite of a bastard and then found out that there was a REASON why all her exes were bastards (because she likes bastards)

Or maybe, all this is just YOUR version of HER words, and she really didn't quite put it that way but you HEARD it that way. And maybe her exes weren't all bastards, you just think they were because they weren't like you.

The possiblities are endless....one thing is for sure though...

Something got screwed up, and never of you are really clear about the reason as to why.

Talk? Yeah sure you could talk....

Let me give you a tip... wait for her to approach YOU to talk.

I'll even tell you why...

She pushed you away, that is NOT a hint for "come get me", that is a hint for "fuk off, don't call us, we'll call you". If you approach her to talk, then you'll find her in a state unwilling to talk, and you'll first have to convince her to even WANT to talk to you, and no you can't accomlpish that by whining for it.

So you just go to wait until she comes forward with a desire to talk about what happened, if ever, and if/when that happens, you'll be able to talk to her as human being, and not as an ex-bf who's trying to force his way back into her life.

Good luck...

I suggest you don't camp by the phone or something like that or you may one day wake up with a tall grey beard and realize you've wasted your life camping by the phone.
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Postby shteeve » Sat Mar 22, 2008 1:41 pm

There was prolly 1 or 2 occasions where you whined about her leaving to go to her family, am i right?


Yes but only if she'd already made plans with me and then she'd cancel them.

Are you SURE her exes were all bastards? Or did she just 'say so'? And if it is true, then HOW COME?!


One always abused her, and was actually obsessive and taking control of her and attacking her all the time. Another sexually abused her when she was 15, thus resulting in her problems now which i have understood. Another just left her without no reason what-so-ever and she'd been cheated on by another. None of which I have ever done to her

I appreciate the help, but i've had relationships before where if we broke up, i'd be fine by the next day, but i've never felt like this before.
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Postby Mattlekat » Sat Mar 22, 2008 1:44 pm

Maybe the case was that her exes were all bastards, and she desginated the trait 'bastard' as 'bad' and 'undesirable' and so she went with a guy that is the complete opposite of a bastard and then found out that there was a REASON why all her exes were bastards (because she likes bastards)


Yeah you probably got it exactly right there.

In any case, women are proper fukked in the head, don't try to understand them. Last bad arguement me and my girlfriend had, she said we're breaking up so i replied "ok, i hope you find someone that loves you as much as i did". Then she said "well maybe we can work it out".

Like people have said, if you try to go back to her, you're only doing what really annoys her anyway. Are you afraid that if you don't get back with this girl that you'll never be able to meet anyone again?
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Postby kazzac » Sat Mar 22, 2008 5:42 pm

I agree. Don't camp by the phone. She'll call you when she's ready to talk.

My boyfriend and I have split up several times over the years, always his decision. The last time it happened I didn't sit by the phone, I got on with my life, went out with friends and didn't sit crying (even though I wanted to). Guess what - he saw me getting on with things and realised what he'd lost. We're really strong now and there's been no 'incidents' since.

Get on with your life, if she calls she calls, but if she doesn't it sounds like you're better off without her. I know its hard, but you've got to put yourself first - no one else will.

Good luck

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Postby love is blind » Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:17 pm

shteeve,

it sounds like she's not that good of a woman anyways. so many women are like that. they have men who have been crappy to them but they don't want anybody too "nice" . obviously, if she dumps you over something like this, she's either not happy with the relationship or bored or she might not want the kind of relationship you're offering.

there's a quote i like : "true love is to love the imperfect perfectly"

if she's so quick to toss it away, what's to say she won't again in the future if you tried to get back together with her? she sounds like she is searching for a way to cope with her problems and may think that you're the one to help. but if she can't appreciate your efforts, then its no use to worry yourself over her. i understand you have strong feelings towards her. are you considering ever marrying her?
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Postby Verdale » Mon Apr 13, 2009 7:46 am

Wow shteeve... almost the same exact thing happened to me... seriously, the only difference was the place...

I don't understand why she thought I was too clingy, too attached, or whatever it was she said... I thought relationships meant two people were supposed to be close... It wasn't like I was overly-obsessive or controlling... I let her do her own thing most of the time...

Shteeve, I really want to know how things turned out for you. Please let me know and best of luck to you...
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Postby carlinfan » Mon Apr 13, 2009 10:24 am

shteeve wrote:
One always abused her, and was actually obsessive and taking control of her and attacking her all the time. Another sexually abused her when she was 15, thus resulting in her problems now which i have understood. Another just left her without no reason what-so-ever and she'd been cheated on by another. None of which I have ever done to her



Yeah, but those people probably had other qualities that attract women. Being "nice" (or what you consider to be "nice") is not a quality that attracts women, especially if it means that you would do anything for her and in the process make it seem like you have no life, no opinion and no self esteem.

In other words what you are doing with women is not working. So what you need to do is change the way you act around them. Read about it.
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Postby dav1307 » Mon Apr 13, 2009 2:50 pm

Originally posted by Mattlekat
In any case, women are proper fukked in the head, don't try to understand them.


Ha! :lol:

shteeve, seriously though, no one like people who are clingy, this can be understood by the law of attraction as people like to call it. Maybe you will learn this best when you find a clingy girl. :wink:
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Postby Lucretia » Tue Apr 14, 2009 2:25 am

Perhaps her claims weren't entirely rational, but if she's willing to break up with you because of the schedule inconvenience then she's not nearly as into you as you are to her. I'd say move on.
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Postby xXxbabygurlxXx » Fri Sep 03, 2010 12:01 am

hey guys..


My name is Marissa... and I don't know what to do.. and I was searching on google... "how to hint to guys that they're too clingy?" and saw this... this made me see that maybe he's just trying to be there for me and everything.. I love him.. he's been great to me for the longest time... and he means a lot to me.. but it's hard sometimes whenever I'm spending time with my family he wants me to leave them...

I need help... what could I do??..
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Postby dav1307 » Fri Sep 03, 2010 3:06 am

you could tell him, "your being too obsessive and it grosses me out, it's weird". :D
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