I get so angry I punch myself

Postby alexeis » Tue Jun 03, 2008 8:48 am

I am a 25 year-old female living in london. since I can remember I have used anger over many other emotions to express myself. I always liked it, it was a part of me. I nver saw shouting at and belittling people and smashing things as a problem, silly, I know. But when I almost lost my boyfriend and was alienating my family, I knew I had to stop. so I taught myself to control it, which was extremely difficult without proper medical advice or care, but I thought it'd been dealt with.

About a year ago, doctor put me on medication for severe migraines and it helps to even my brain chemistry. Everyone has been saying how much nicer I am and calmer. But this past week, the old feelings have been back very badly. I get angry for no reason, I have no trigger. I used to smash things and vent myself at innocent people, but now I know how it makes them feel, and guilt is the worst comedown there is, I turn it in on myself. I have been fine for over a year. I am doing something I enjoy for an occupation, have a loving boyfriend and good friends. I can't understand why I am like this.

Yesterday I punched myself in the side of the head and the middle of my forehead until I was dizzy and in alot of pain. It seems the only way to get rid of the anger. But it's worrying me that I never really had a hold of it.

Thank you for reading, and hello to everyone.

Alexeis
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#1

Postby Triarius » Thu Jun 05, 2008 2:03 am

My ex did that when her new boyfriend made her feel like crud about herself (go figure, I never made her punch herself... my bad!)
Anyways, I have found that anger is a vent for other issues that have not been dealt with.

I don't know if that's the case for you, but it could be. As with my ex, it wasn't that she was mad at anything in particular, but she took out her negative feelings on herself regardless.

I never recommend relying on any medications unless you absolutely NEED to.
Anyways, it's never enough to just "control" emotions, I did that for years, and I'm very good at it, but that doesn't get rid of the source.

There is always a trigger, but it may be very deep. It could be that something reminds you of something your mom or dad did years and years ago, and it dredges up ancient anger. That has happened to me recently, and I beat a door off it's hinges.

The difference is I dredged up that anger and expressed it specifically for that issue, now I know for a FACT that issue will never make me angry again... I just have to buy a new door.... and fortunately I didn't break my hand, though my insurance would have covered it. I would have lied, too, said I was moving my fridge or something and fell and then the fridge fell on it or something... OK off subject.

It's our instinct to think away from things that hurt, until it's thrown in our face. Instead, when something is eating at you, face it, go after it, think about it until you find why it's bugging you. I've found that writing out my thoughts on a subject helps me realize why it bugs me. I RARELY (as in only once) have actually needed to express violence to vent my anger. That was because it was a particular harsh memory that I was confronting, well, really, a collective amount of anger towards my stepdad. He's gone, and so is the anger, so 1 door is worth it.

WRITE IT OUT, that should help. Just start writing. I wrote 7 pages before I exploded. Then I felt GREAT for the rest of the day.
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#2

Postby UmbilicalMovement » Sun Jun 08, 2008 2:03 pm

I'm sorry that you're in this much pain Alexis.

"since I can remember I have used anger over many other emotions to express myself" -- I think that you REALLY need to get to those base emotions - the emotions that don't find expression because the anger is a blanket/protector for you.

The problem with anger (amongst many other things), is that it's true... you do believe that it's not a problem, and that's one of the 'deflective' roles that anger plays. It takes you away from your true feelings, and blinds you to your own need to stop, seek help, and heal yourself... Anger is like denial in that sense, I believe.

" have no trigger." are you sure??

"and vent myself at innocent people" -- is there someone who is not innocent, who you'd feel is more 'worthy' of your anger?

"guilt is the worst comedown there is, I turn it in on myself" -- maybe the guilt perpetuates the cycle. You think that the guilt comes AFTERWARDS, but maybe it's there before, and when you 'come down', you realize it...??

"I am doing something I enjoy for an occupation, have a loving boyfriend and good friends. I can't understand why I am like this." --- but it seems that those are extrinsic things, and that you can mask the feelings by saying "oh... life is wonderful, this is happening, that is happening..." and it IS great to have positive, stabilizing forces in your life, but if the anger's still there, it's a sign that the anger still hasn't been dealt with (and the underlying emotions)...

Take care hunny, and PM me if you ever desire.
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#3

Postby alexeis » Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:40 am

Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies. The guilt, well, I truly never thought it could have been there before, that has opened such a new avenue for me.

And I love to write, it used to be very helpful, a calm would descend over me for a few hours, getting all that junk out of my head. But sadly it doesn't last as long as I'd like, but, what to remember is that it does help. I have settled down now, spending much more time being honest with myself. it is very painful and raw to be honest with myself, but it is the only way.

Once again thank you very much for your replies, it has helped very much.

Take care. Alexeis x
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#4

Postby 07sourmilk07 » Sat Feb 07, 2009 2:52 am

well i am 15 and i live in baltimore and i have the same problem i get so frustrated with my mother and i dont kno why it drives to the point i punch myself in the face and head tonight for example i have knots all over my head and am worrying myself sick about a damn concussion....which is probally more uneeded stress.....but in the end all the hitting and screaming and crying and punching amount to nothing but a damn headache i wish i could tell yu how to solve ur problem but if i did i wouldnt have that problem....i thought i was the only one........but at least i feel a little less crazy knowing someone else is dealing with the same sh** actually my advice would be boxing and keep a punching bag in ur house....unfortunately my mother wont allow me to box for she says "it will ruin ur pretty face" bs well mayb u could try it out and tell me how it works sincerely......



anonymous
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#5

Postby SimplySimple88 » Tue Feb 17, 2009 9:21 pm

lmao
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#6

Postby TheAlpha » Sun Feb 22, 2009 10:11 pm

It's normal. This happens sometimes.
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#7

Postby shutupman » Fri May 08, 2009 6:00 am

Stop punching yourself and fix me a sandwich :)
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#8

Postby rook_1e » Sat May 09, 2009 4:58 am

hello,

Im not sure whether punching yourself would be categorised under anger . This could be depression or something else. Usually anger and rage involves you hurting others and protecting yourself. this is the other way around.

correct me if im wrong.
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#9

Postby Btchfase » Thu May 21, 2009 1:53 am

You are not the only one , I too, suffer from this affliction. It is truly deabilitating as I continually assault my own face and genitals. I don't understand why I do this... it just happens when I become extremely upset.
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