Hi there all
I am new to this forum, having been prescribed yesterday, citalopram 20mg once a day.
I have been having problems of anger, stress, depression, and unhappiness all my life, since I can remember at about 14, I'm 41 now.
I have lived with this all this time, ignoring it to a degree, thinking it was just my personality.
But now, I have finaly recognized a serious pattern, which happens to me time and time again. not so much recognized now, but confronted.
I am very aware I need help and am not frightened to admit it, I do recognize I need help and thats the first step, admitting you need some help.
I dont know where to start really to describe it, as this post will be miles long, but to start off, I get stressed, very angry at those closest to me in the blink of an eye (in the past I've ended relationships because of this because they didnt deserve this).
I went to see a doctor in 1992, who referred me to someone at the hospital(psychologist, I assume), who told me to get out more, and I wouldnt need him again.
Well here we are in 2008, and I'm still feeling the same 16 years later, so I can safely self diagnose this has not gone away, so last year, I went to the doctor about it, who finaly began to listen to me, I went in there really crying and upset, and she actually took me seriously this time.
She referred me to John, a Cognitive Behavior Therapist, well the first 3 or 4 sessions had my head spinning, I didnt have a clue what he was talking about, I just came out more confused than when I went in and didnt go back. After about 6 months I rang him as life was getting bad again, I was just honest and told him, I didnt have a clue what this was about, So he agreed to see Justine, my partner and explain it to her, and she was able to describe some of my symptoms to him.
I agreed to go back to him, but again, I'm still in the mindset of coming out baffled. So I went to the doc yesterday and she described me citalopram, So I am hoping it will lift me a bit.
I too have found myself thinking negative thoughts constantly, even to the point of looking for negative things around the house, i.e. step daughter leaving dirty plates for mum to clear up, messy bathroom etc, I find myself looking to see if these things are here. I cannot avoid doing this, its like a compulsion, like, I must check.
At work everything is fine, I am a different person. I'm not some unemployed bum(not that all unemployed are bums), I am an aircraft engineer, and build helicoptors and work away from home, so the stress doesnt follow me there as I have a focus.
I am sad 90% of my time at home, feel guilty about joking about.
I also get anxiety, guilt, anger, isolation, hopelessness, loss of interest in activities, loneliness, self-loathing, indifference, depersonalization, irritability, and lack of motivation
There is much much more to it than just this, and I will describe in more detail as the thread progresses, thats if anyone wants to listen/talk to me about it.
I've probably bored you all already, teehee!
So I am bout to go and take my second tablet now, please reply to me if you feel you have any relevent experiences, or anything useful to share.