How do you fix internal anger?

Postby fedup6666 » Tue Aug 26, 2008 9:03 pm

Not sure if internal anger is the right word for it. Basically instead of me shouting or screaming or agruing out of anger, i just let it manifest inside. Its been manifesting for a long time now, to the point where i've become extremely irritable. This internal anger is based on depression, low selfesteem, very self conscious... and probably a few others.

I live with my dad and brother. When they get annoyed they raise their voice and have a argument. With me, when im in a argument i find it hard to raise my voice and the other person usually gets the last word. On the outside it doesnt appear that im angry... but I AMM!!!!! a million times more so then anyone around me, its just that i let it boil up inside. I have yet to release it, its just too much. I fear one day im going to do something really really stupid.
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#1

Postby rivermist08 » Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:06 pm

fedup6666 wrote:Not sure if internal anger is the right word for it. Basically instead of me shouting or screaming or agruing out of anger, i just let it manifest inside. Its been manifesting for a long time now, to the point where i've become extremely irritable. This internal anger is based on depression, low selfesteem, very self conscious... and probably a few others.

I live with my dad and brother. When they get annoyed they raise their voice and have a argument. With me, when im in a argument i find it hard to raise my voice and the other person usually gets the last word. On the outside it doesnt appear that im angry... but I AMM!!!!! a million times more so then anyone around me, its just that i let it boil up inside. I have yet to release it, its just too much. I fear one day im going to do something really really stupid.


Hi there,

Like what? What might you do?

Why do you think you deal with this in a different way from your father and brother?

Rivermist
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#2

Postby fedup6666 » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:12 pm

rivermist08 wrote:
fedup6666 wrote:Not sure if internal anger is the right word for it. Basically instead of me shouting or screaming or agruing out of anger, i just let it manifest inside. Its been manifesting for a long time now, to the point where i've become extremely irritable. This internal anger is based on depression, low selfesteem, very self conscious... and probably a few others.

I live with my dad and brother. When they get annoyed they raise their voice and have a argument. With me, when im in a argument i find it hard to raise my voice and the other person usually gets the last word. On the outside it doesnt appear that im angry... but I AMM!!!!! a million times more so then anyone around me, its just that i let it boil up inside. I have yet to release it, its just too much. I fear one day im going to do something really really stupid.


Hi there,

Like what? What might you do?

Why do you think you deal with this in a different way from your father and brother?

Rivermist


you obviously havn't taken the time to read my post properly. Nevermind dude..
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#3

Postby satanstoystore » Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:03 pm

Last word? What is this, gradeschool? If we argue and I call you a poo poo head and that's the last word, do I win?

Arguing is reconciling values and beliefs. But if you've got a belief that's just silly, like last word, you're pretty much screwed. It doesn't even matter what you're arguing about. You have a process that actually prevents reconciliation. Therefore everyones a loser. No one can "win".
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#4

Postby megan » Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:36 pm

Hi Fedup6666

I think the problem is not about having the last word but the fact that you are raging inside (often walking away from someone shouting is the most sensible thing to do and it defuses much quicker).

There can be several reasons why you dont express anger, actually Im the same I rarely loose it but I am aware of being internally angry sometimes. There's a theory that internalised anger manifests itself as depression.

I think we learn messages from a young age, like being angry is bad, being angry means loss of control, being angry evokes anger from others (that bit is actually true!) and that its just safer if you shut all your feelings inside. People with a low self esteem are either excessively angry or afraid to show feelings and sit on them!

Assertiveness training is a good tool to help you deal with anger, it helps you to be angry appropriately, to be angry without aggression and to express your feelings in a safe way.

Bottling it all up and sitting on a rage is actually quite bad for your health so its a good idea to address it and think about why you do this. there is plenty of anger management support and information around these days if you google it
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#5

Postby fedup6666 » Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:25 pm

satanstoystore wrote:Last word? What is this, gradeschool? If we argue and I call you a poo poo head and that's the last word, do I win?

Arguing is reconciling values and beliefs. But if you've got a belief that's just silly, like last word, you're pretty much screwed. It doesn't even matter what you're arguing about. You have a process that actually prevents reconciliation. Therefore everyones a loser. No one can "win".


if it was grade school i wouldnt be too annoyed. But its not. Noones calling me poopoo. You cant just think of a cra*py example like that and use it to relate to what im saying. When i say last word i mean like i SHUTUP, even though i got plenty to say, i let this rage manifest inside me so the other person carries on saying his shi* even though i dont agree with what hes saying. Thats what i mean by him (or her) having the last word. Or should i say words.
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#6

Postby fedup6666 » Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:28 pm

megan wrote:Hi Fedup6666

I think the problem is not about having the last word but the fact that you are raging inside (often walking away from someone shouting is the most sensible thing to do and it defuses much quicker).

There can be several reasons why you dont express anger, actually Im the same I rarely loose it but I am aware of being internally angry sometimes. There's a theory that internalised anger manifests itself as depression.

I think we learn messages from a young age, like being angry is bad, being angry means loss of control, being angry evokes anger from others (that bit is actually true!) and that its just safer if you shut all your feelings inside. People with a low self esteem are either excessively angry or afraid to show feelings and sit on them!

Assertiveness training is a good tool to help you deal with anger, it helps you to be angry appropriately, to be angry without aggression and to express your feelings in a safe way.

Bottling it all up and sitting on a rage is actually quite bad for your health so its a good idea to address it and think about why you do this. there is plenty of anger management support and information around these days if you google it


sorry when i said word i meant words...not poopoo :P

yes your right, i do suffer from depression because of it and i do have a really low self esteem. I just read someone elses post ... they also have the same thing. They let it manifest inside but instead of keeping it bottled up they let it explode on the people around them. Kids, wife, tv hehe.

I will google it .
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#7

Postby jb_2008 » Tue Sep 09, 2008 2:09 am

With regards to dealing with anger there are two types of people, those who have outbursts on a regular basis (like your dad and brother) and those who stew on it. You sound like the later. Studies show that it is actually worse to stew because it raises your blood pressure and causes all kinds of stress in your body. You were probably taught at some time that displaying anger was inappropriate and then it became adaptive for you to just act like everything was okay when it wasn't. Well, it seems as though this way of behaving is no longer adaptive to your situation as a human being, so you need to find a new way.
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