Feeling hopeless at work

Postby Jun » Tue Dec 21, 2004 2:15 pm

Hi everyone,

I am glad I have just found this forum.
I'm having a lot of trouble at finding my way at work, and i hope i could learn from the experience of others here on the board.

I'll try to keep it short. I graduated about three years ago from university. After more then half a year i've found the "job" i am currently still in.
It wasn't really a job, i got this one by applying for another in the same company...
THey didn't have a position available yet, but they asked if i wanted to do this on "self-employed" basis a few hours a week (sorry, don't know really how to call it, english isn't my native language)...they told me in a few months time i would have a full time position as employee.

In stead of a few months this lasted for 1.5 years...i've often thought about quiting but didn't find the courage too, nor have i the self confidence that I have capabilities..

I started protesting against this because a friend encouraged me to ... Result is that since one year I am an employee there , but only part time.
And first they had said that this new year i would get a part time contract for long term...but its again only for one year...
so its not moving forward.

But what bothers me more is that i don't function there...when i started no one told me what they expected, no one helped me find my way...(social function in a medical setting)...feels to me they don't really want me there. because the reason they took me there was to get some funding from governement...
I am feeling very insecure about my capabilities as it is, and i feel i can't gain any self confidence in this work environment because i have no one to discuss my work with. And seems i get sort of panic attacks when i think about getting out of my shell.

Sorry, maybe this sounds very confusing...but i feel like i have less energy week by week.
Hope that i find a way out of this soon.

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Postby JOY » Wed Dec 22, 2004 5:37 pm

Hi Jun

Thanks for your post. You sound very isolated where you are. It’s terribly de-motivating to feel you are in a job where nobody cares about all the good things that you really can do, only the government funding. The good news is that you do not have to feel alone. It sounds as if you have the support of your friend and there are lots of us here on this forum that can support you. The best news is that things can change. :D

In this reply, I would just like to think about YOU! Your energy, your confidence, courage and capabilities.

We often feel panic when we worry that we are loosing our abilities, and for more than 1.5 years, your energy has been draining away slowly, drop by drop like a dripping tap. Here are 3 questions for you, Jun:

• What activities do you like to do, that are energising and fun?
• When do you feel most confident?
• What have been the three biggest achievements in your life so far?

Answering these questions can help you to discover the quickest way to get your energy back and get you confident and strong again too. Energy, strength and confidence, are qualities you can use to start to make changes in your job.

Will you write back?

Take care

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Postby Lyndsay Swinton » Mon Jan 03, 2005 5:25 pm

Hi Jun,

It seems like your employers have most of the power in your relationship with them, making it tough for you to assert yourself and get more balance into the relationship. It might be time for you to change this!

I would be interested to know if they are complying with employment laws in your country, or if not directly breaking any laws, if they are not following the accepted process for hiring people. This will give you something to compare against, and figure out if these are good people to work for, or if you would be better off elsewhere.

Assuming you want and need to keep this job with your employers, I would consider taking some time to look at these free resources for Panic Attacks, and Self Confidence (both written by Uncommon Knowledge, this forum's "owner").

Good luck with your situation and let us know how you get on.

Warm Regards
Lyndsay Swinton
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Postby Jun » Sat Jan 08, 2005 2:56 pm

Hello Joy,

Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry it took me so long. I'm even trying to avoid to think about all this...and thats no way to improve my situation. I realize that. But it often just paralizes me.

I've finally heard news about that possible governement funding (for which they needed me, just to give governement impression they were working multidisciplinairy)...after almost three years the decesion is that our hospital isn't going to get the funding.
For me this has two implications. First of all it means i'm not going to get a full time job there (they had to give me a full time when they would receive the funding). Secondly...there is no reason at all for them to keep there anymore. I still have a contract until the end of this year...but I doubt there will be a future.

Anyway there has to happen something. I need to look for another job, but at the same time i want to make this as good as I can...just using it as a place to "practice" myself.
Still easier said then done. I'm awful at communicating clearly and thats what my job is about :?

I'll try to answer your three questions:
What activities I like: I love to be around and hang out with people that just take me the way i am, i feel most comfortable there. I used to like to read a lot , but lately i have problems concentrating and can't seem to find the energy to read things for work. I enjoy traveling the most of all. I like to be away...Maybe it sounds crazy, but it doesn't really matter where I go. I just like to be on my way, on a train, in a car, on a plane...I just enjoy that a lot.

When do i feel most confident: That doesn't happen very often. Like I said above, when i'm with people that know me and appreciate me the way i am...It aren't a lot of people, but it seems their confidence in me gives me strength (but unfortunatelly it doesn't last when they're not around).
I also fee more confident if I know for sure that I know the right way to do something. But in my profession there is never a way to do something good for sure.

Three biggest achievements in my life so far:
Nothing very impressive I think.
I think it is an achievement for me that I got my masters degree five years ago, without much trouble and with good grades.
I moved out of my parents home about half a year ago...that was a big step for me to take too although it was not a good place for me to stay. I hoped that moving out would help me to take my life more in my hands.
Not sure what a third achievement would be. Maybe that I still try to improve my life, and still go on with work etc although some days i just would've liked to give up.

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Postby Jun » Sat Jan 08, 2005 3:04 pm

Hi Lyndsay,

I'm not really sure that the way they hired me was completely right. I do not think they can make big mistakes though because it is a big organization and there is a union. But yes, they do go just as far as they legally can I guess.
They've let me hanging there for three years saying that i would get a full time soon, as soon as they got governement funding ... but recently it turned out they don't get this funding (i heared the news from collegues, not from my superiors...its two weeks now and they haven't even told me yet).
Now I'm left with a part time contract only for a year...thats what i've been loyal for for three years. It is frustrating and makes me mad to think about it.
But yes...it is lack of self confidence and fear that keeps me from persuing something better. Can't get myself moving.I'll check into the message boards you mentioned. I really want to get rid of these feelings. Its really a burden in my life.

Thanks Lyndsay

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Postby JOY » Mon Jan 24, 2005 11:10 am

A belated Happy New Year to you, Jun :) .

I am sorry I did not pick up your reply sooner.

So, you have a contract until the end of the year - that’s good to know. Let's see whether or not it will be extended a bit nearer the time.

The achievements you list here say a lot about your determination to keep improving and moving forward in your life. And at times when you’ve felt like giving up, or not facing the situation, you looked for other ways to keep on going. I’d say your natural ability to keep going until you find a way out is very impressive :!: :D :!: With your drive and determination I think you can look forward to many, many more achievements to come in the future.

Having a Masters degree is also a great achievement and an acknowledgement of your capabilities. To have achieved it easily with good grades is fantastic.
• How did you do it?

Moving out of your parents’ house must have been a big change.
• Knowing what you know now, and looking back over the past six months to the time when you were deciding to move, is there anything you would do differently if you had to move again?

Hanging out with friends is a wonderful way to both relax and top up energy levels. Our best ideas and answers to questions come to us when we are relaxed. We can think more clearly. When we are energised, we have the fuel we need to concentrate and do things we need and want to do. Being around people that understand you and take you for who you are addresses one of our basic human needs.
• What could you do to ensure you get to spend some quality time with your friends?

I hope it’s OK to ask you these questions. The answers take you another step closer to where you want to be.

Have you ever watched a train pulling out of the station, Jun? The first carriage rolls away slowly at first, followed by the next carriage, then the next one. It’s not long before all the carriages are cruising down the winding track, with that song that only trains sing getting quieter and quieter. In the distance, you don’t see the individual carriages any more. It’s just one long, elegant train, gently making its way to another destination.

I’ll look out for your next post!

Take care

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Postby Fatimah Musa » Tue Jan 25, 2005 6:08 am

Hi Jun,

What do you think of this quote? I can't recall the source.

Never resent a job. Get totally into it. If it doesn't improve, get out of it"

Fatimah Musa
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