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I'm a JEALOUS girlfriend for NO reason?


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Author Thread
jealousy
New Member


Joined: 17 Sep 2008
Posts: 4

Post Wed Sep 17, 2008 6:29 am

I'm a JEALOUS girlfriend for NO reason?    Reply with quote  

Okay well, I'm really jealous.

I've been in no relationships where the guy has cheated on me. [as far as i know]
I have cheated, though.
I was recently in a 2.5 year relationship, where I was so jealous I made him stop talking to all of his girl "friends", and I always checked his phone, and accused him, and thought he was looking at other females all the time.
He eventually left me.

Here I stand now, with a new relationship with an AMAZING man who I believe would never cheat on me, or do anything to hurt me..
and here I go being Jealous..again.

I havent cheated on him, or wanted to.
I have talked to other guys, but I let it be known that I'm with somebody, and I have no interest in doing anything.

I dont get jealous of girls on TV, or girls on movies..
We watch PO*N together, and I dont mind any of that.
If a girl makes eye contact, or smiles.. or anything at him, I slightly get an uneasy feeling and start to mean mug.. not that intense though, I get over it pretty quickly, and we go about our business.

My problem is with FEMALE FRIENDS.
Texting, Myspacing, Calling, IMing, or talking to in person.

I freak OUT.
I get this OVERWHELMING feeling inside me..
My heart starts to race..
I think about scenarios inside my head of what they could have done or talked about.
I say really mean things, I freak out completely.
I dont even let him have a chance to explain, or tell me what they've talked about. [And even if he does, I dont believe him.]

And often times [with my ex] it resulted to violence.
[Because of me throwing things, or getting in his face, he reacted back.]

But my man I have now.. hasnt got violent with me, yet..
Which is why I need to get some help, somehow.

This relationship has been the best I have EVER been in.. but I'm still jealous of female friends, or if he talks to another female, or looks at a female's myspace.

The only explanation I can come up with, is my insecurity.
Iam insecure, but there's got to be more to it than that.

I dont know what else to say, I'm just looking for help.. or a lead in the direction to GET some help.

I dont want this relationship to end over my jealousy.
I love him, and he's helped me out so much with my life issues [addictions, boyfriends, ect..] I've known him over 5 years and we just recently became a couple, and HE doesnt even know how to help my jealousy.

Thanks for taking the time to read/reply.

I really appreciate it.
  
satanstoystore
MVP
MVP


Joined: 10 Sep 2004
Posts: 8046
Location: seattle

Post Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:58 am

   Reply with quote  

let's see if this fits a technique I know.

ok how does "insecure" feel? besides "jealous".
psychocandy
Full Member


Joined: 18 Sep 2008
Posts: 119
Location: Wales, UK

Post Wed Oct 01, 2008 8:55 am

Re: I'm a JEALOUS girlfriend for NO reason?    Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by jealousy
Okay well, I'm really jealous.

I've been in no relationships where the guy has cheated on me. [as far as i know]
I have cheated, though.
I was recently in a 2.5 year relationship, where I was so jealous I made him stop talking to all of his girl "friends", and I always checked his phone, and accused him, and thought he was looking at other females all the time.
He eventually left me.

Here I stand now, with a new relationship with an AMAZING man who I believe would never cheat on me, or do anything to hurt me..
and here I go being Jealous..again.

I havent cheated on him, or wanted to.
I have talked to other guys, but I let it be known that I'm with somebody, and I have no interest in doing anything.

I dont get jealous of girls on TV, or girls on movies..
We watch PO*N together, and I dont mind any of that.
If a girl makes eye contact, or smiles.. or anything at him, I slightly get an uneasy feeling and start to mean mug.. not that intense though, I get over it pretty quickly, and we go about our business.

My problem is with FEMALE FRIENDS.
Texting, Myspacing, Calling, IMing, or talking to in person.

I freak OUT.
I get this OVERWHELMING feeling inside me..
My heart starts to race..
I think about scenarios inside my head of what they could have done or talked about.
I say really mean things, I freak out completely.
I dont even let him have a chance to explain, or tell me what they've talked about. [And even if he does, I dont believe him.]

And often times [with my ex] it resulted to violence.
[Because of me throwing things, or getting in his face, he reacted back.]

But my man I have now.. hasnt got violent with me, yet..
Which is why I need to get some help, somehow.

This relationship has been the best I have EVER been in.. but I'm still jealous of female friends, or if he talks to another female, or looks at a female's myspace.

The only explanation I can come up with, is my insecurity.
Iam insecure, but there's got to be more to it than that.

I dont know what else to say, I'm just looking for help.. or a lead in the direction to GET some help.

I dont want this relationship to end over my jealousy.
I love him, and he's helped me out so much with my life issues [addictions, boyfriends, ect..] I've known him over 5 years and we just recently became a couple, and HE doesnt even know how to help my jealousy.

Thanks for taking the time to read/reply.

I really appreciate it.


Sounds a lot like me. A book I found quite good - Jealousy by Paul Hauck.
Hed Kandi
Moderator
Moderator


Joined: 23 Aug 2005
Posts: 17989

Post Wed Oct 01, 2008 9:41 pm

   Reply with quote  

Hey ya,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it must be really difficult for you.

Yes, feeling insecure is potentially the main reason and it's something you have to learn how to deal with, certainly more researching into this professionally will help you further if you think it's going to continue to affect your relationships and then ultimately your way of life.

From my own point of view, all I can suggest would be that if you're ultimate fear would be that your partner would "cheat", then you must realise that for someome to cheat on someone else, they would already have had in their mind from the oneset of the relationship that they would be susceptible to temptation whereby they'd actually act upon it if an attraction was there, eg, not taking their current relationship seriously. Sure, everybody can be attracted to someone else, but there is a fine line and that comes with what their moral view is on relationships and people, generally by observing them and their actions, what they say and do over time that would give you any kind of "suspicion".

I don't want to go too far ahead of myself, but perhaps another reason why you're so jealous and concerned about your partner would be because (as you have already said) you have cheated once before and then you feel that this action is something that's "expected" of others too, so maybe you did it once so therefore others (when faced in the position you were in) would do the same. The thing is, that's not true, you were weak at that point but you've learn't from that and the signs are from what you've said that you wouldn't do that again.

You must remember that the solid foundation of a relationship has to be based on trust, and if someone keeps seeing you always checking up on them, then they are going to feel completely devastated that you've not given them that trust they deserve, again, if your observations were always unfounded.

I would work towards this thought - that you would never cheat and therefore neither would your partner because you've seen no reason to suggest they would, even in temptation, they would do the right thing.

I wish you good luck,
Take Care
Danny.x
Gf of a stoner
Junior Member


Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 52

Post Wed Oct 08, 2008 6:25 pm

   Reply with quote  

wow sounds familiar. Have you ever thought that you dont trust him and get jealous because you dont trust yourself? and because you know what YOU are like? Also i think to myself at the end of the day, if he is going to cheat, he will, whether you stress yourself out about it or not, so there is no point making yourself feel like that. If he is as amazing as you say, he could probably get any girl he wants, and that girl is you, so stop worrying that he will run off with whoever else comes along, and think 'thats my man'. If i sound blunt i apologise i sat here typing this almost telling myself it as well as you. i have the same issues and these are the things i tell myself to calm down.
clareR
New Member


Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Posts: 7

Post Fri Apr 03, 2009 5:36 pm

   Reply with quote  

This is so much like I am feeling at the moment..

I am with a wonderful man.. he is good looking and popular and most of the time I love it that other women find him attractive.

It's just he has a lot of female friends on his facebook account and then the other night I was just surfing around and went to see if he has any other accounts and he has a myspace he never even told me about. And I found some of the same girls on both accounts.

I really want to make a go of it but I just don't know if I can live with it.. always suspecting he is doing something.. I don't want to kill our relationship before it starts.. but I just feel so jealous..

Does anyone else know how I feel?
AlmostAPsyD
New Member


Joined: 04 Apr 2009
Posts: 5

Post Sat Apr 04, 2009 5:35 am

   Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by clareR
This is so much like I am feeling at the moment..

I am with a wonderful man.. he is good looking and popular and most of the time I love it that other women find him attractive.

It's just he has a lot of female friends on his facebook account and then the other night I was just surfing around and went to see if he has any other accounts and he has a myspace he never even told me about. And I found some of the same girls on both accounts.

I really want to make a go of it but I just don't know if I can live with it.. always suspecting he is doing something.. I don't want to kill our relationship before it starts.. but I just feel so jealous..

Does anyone else know how I feel?



I know how you feel. I have been there, but I have been married for almost 12 years now to a great guy. Before we worked out our insecurities and realized we really do want to be together we were a hot mess...but because we do love each other and we want to be together we talk about what makes us jealous and what we do to each other that hurts each other's feelings. Once you know these things about each other then it is pretty hard to disrespect that person in that way willfully.

I sense that this relationship is not that old and that there is a lack of communication about these issues between the two of you. Since you are only dating this man then this would be a great time to talk to him about what's bothering you and get these issues out in the open before the relationship gets more serious. Maybe you are just insecure or maybe your intuition is telling you something about this man. The important thing is that you explore this to find out which it is.
akoma
New Member


Joined: 14 Nov 2008
Posts: 5

Post Sat Apr 04, 2009 6:52 pm

   Reply with quote  

Like someone said, you're feeling this because you know very well what you're capable of doing. Change your mind set to having self control. If you know you can control yourself from other guys, you bet to convince yourself that he is capable of controlling himself from engaging in any secretive act with any other woman. They say, "those that cheat are the weakest in any relationship" If he cheats on you, it is not because you're not good enough for him, it is because he is afraid of telling you the relationship is over. Don't be afraid of him quitting on you either. It is better for it to happen now rather than later. I am sure the two of your a good together so.... RELAX
mandragora
Full Member


Joined: 08 Feb 2009
Posts: 112

Post Sat Apr 04, 2009 7:35 pm

   Reply with quote  

This is because you cheated before and you are worried that he will do it to you. Stop cheating and focus on this guy .
clareR
New Member


Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Posts: 7

Post Sun Apr 05, 2009 8:08 am

   Reply with quote  


quote:
I know how you feel. I have been there, but I have been married for almost 12 years now to a great guy. Before we worked out our insecurities and realized we really do want to be together we were a hot mess...but because we do love each other and we want to be together we talk about what makes us jealous and what we do to each other that hurts each other's feelings. Once you know these things about each other then it is pretty hard to disrespect that person in that way willfully.

I sense that this relationship is not that old and that there is a lack of communication about these issues between the two of you. Since you are only dating
this man then this would be a great time to talk to him about what's bothering you and get these issues out in the open before the relationship gets more serious. Maybe you are just insecure or maybe your intuition is telling you something about this man. The important thing is that you explore this to find out which it is.





You are right AlmostAPsyD this is a new relationship..


I know he has cheated in the past.. and yes I cheated my ex to be with him..

I have never cheated on him and just never would.. He is really the most amazing man I have ever met. And deep down I feel sure he would never cheat on me.

I just feel that if I feel like this about him.. so will other women and I just can't help myself.. I work myself up into a fit of jealousy.

I need to find some way to stop these feelings otherwise it is going to ruin us
johnhall
Junior Member


Joined: 15 Apr 2009
Posts: 77
Location: N. MANCHESTER

Post Sun Apr 19, 2009 10:27 am

   Reply with quote  

Sounds like you haven't already, but you must talk to the guy, the first words out of his mouth if you do something silly, will be "Why didn't you tell me?" It's all about communication.
Good Luck
Cheers John
clareR
New Member


Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Posts: 7

Post Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:39 pm

   Reply with quote  

Hi John, and AlmostAPsyD, oh and anyone else as well.. Wink

I have been talking a lot recently about this, and my friend found a site that I thought was pretty good. Well they have a report that you can just download, its about 30 odd pages and it is really helping me get things right in my head and it might help anyone else who is in the same boat.

If it helps anyone else, let me know because I think its pretty good.
I don't know how to put a link in here, but so you know it's

w w w .beatingjealousy. com
  

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