I don't feel like myself anymore... (Help!)

Postby jen1017 » Thu Nov 27, 2008 12:27 am

I've been having panic/anxiety problems for the passed few weeks, and now I'm starting to feel odd.

I don't feel like myself at all anymore. I look in the mirror and I know it's me, but it doesn't seem like me. And my life seems odd too, like I don't belong to it, though I know I do. Everything just seems a little off.

Also, I've felt very emotionally numb since I've had my attacks. I don't feel happy/sad, or excited or anything. I don't look forward to anything. I'm never hungry and I don't enjoy food like I used to.

I find that all I am doing is sitting and thinking about my condition and how I feel and it feels like I'm going crazy. Like I can't turn my thoughts off. I'm always thinking about weird things like I'm just a thought inside of a body, and odd things like that.

And I keep thinking that I'll never get better because I'm always going to be thinking these things.

Has anyone else felt this way, or had these thoughts??

I'm beginning to give up hope for myself.
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#1

Postby jurplesman » Thu Nov 27, 2008 3:42 am

HI jen1017,

Once you start to understand the biochemical underpinnings of your symptoms, you should be able to treat it yourself. They may simply be symptoms of hypoglycemia.


Please test yourself with the

Nutrition Behavior Inventory Test (NBI)

or the

The Hypo Quiz

If you scores are high it could be due to hypoglycemia, which can be treated by going on a hypoglycemic diet.
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#2

Postby rgp » Wed Dec 03, 2008 5:33 am

Yes this IS what I feel. I just posted about the same feelings.

I would love to hear about someone who got past this limbo area and is now able to enjoy life again.

Maybe it is just a constant state of fear and worry...I dont know but I would like to feel back in life instead of sitting by the side watching it.

Your right food doesnt taste the same, almost dull.To be honest I wouldnt eat unless I had to. There is no joy in it. And smells or even sight. Just altogether less vivid!!

Are you still having panic attacks? How do you cope with them?

Sorry I cant answer your question but I do relate!

Good Luck
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#3

Postby john306 » Sat Dec 06, 2008 2:05 am

jen1017 trust me when i say there is hope.i went through exactly the same thing for almost a year and i have to say it was the worst year of my life.i too didnt have any emotions about anything and i stopped working,going out,hardley ate and i even ended a 8 year relationship with my girlfriend because i didnt have any feelings towards her at all.my days would be the same,i would get up and sit in my room and think about my anxiety and how im going to cope feeling like this for the rest of my life...i spose i gave up on life in a way.i felt like i wasnt living but just existing!

i had a dreadfull summer mainly down to not being able to sleep and when i did i would have nightmares and wake up and have a panic attacks.i was constantly tired and my whole body would ache from head to toe.on the rare occasion i did go out wiv friends of family i was like a zombie and was very quiet and whenever anybody asked if i was ok i would have to fight back the tears coz i just wanted to cry.it felt like each week i would have a new symptom to worry about and even watching something medical on tv would make me think ive got this and that illness.

the most upsetting thing was that i would have moments of feeling "normal" which i called flashes and i would be filled with all the emotions i hadnt felt for so long but these would only last for a second or to and then i was brought back to reality...it was almost like my anxiety was teasing me on what i was missing.1 of the the hardest things was not talking to anybody about it so finding this site was a miracle and being able to see that i wasnt the only person was so much help.

the past month ive felt a million times better and although im not cured i managed to put the thought to 1 side in my mind and alot of my symptoms have gone.theres lots of things you can do and try to see what makes you feel better.i started doing the things i enjoyed before and although most of the time i wasnt really enjoying anything slowly the feelings started comming back and the more feelings i got back the less my anxiety would be in controll.the problem is that if you stop eating properly and exercising then naturaly you will feel worse,anybody would.

one of the things that i still have problems coping with from time to time is the thought that i could have a panic attack at anytime no matter what im doing,i know for a fact that if i sat down and thought about it for long enough it would make me feel bad again so when i get that thought into my head i just tell myself to shut up and do somthing that helps take my mind off of it,even if it meen picking up the fone and chattng to a friend or family.

i really do feel for you hun and i hope ive given you some hope,were all here to help you and done hesitate to post again because wve all got 1 thing in common on this site so we know what it like.

take care xxxx
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#4

Postby Rose Aghdami » Sat Dec 06, 2008 9:10 am

Hi Jen

The detached feeling you've described is part of the anxiety state and is often triggered by shallow breathing (which you may not even realise you are doing). It's important you discover how to do low breathing, also called diaphragmatic breathing or abdominal breathing. Doing this will help you calm down physically and help your thoughts stop racing.

Best wishes

Rose Aghdami
Chartered Psychologist
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#5

Postby Live1 » Sun Jan 18, 2009 9:06 pm

Hi, im a male of 41 and for the last few years ive had the same dreary outlook on life as most on here have . Every day i think that life cant be like this forever...gone are the days when you laughed , got excited about anything, happy. I cant remember when i really wanted to do anything ..its all a chore now, i really have to push myself to do anything and as ive a wife and kids i really dont want to have my feeling of life put them down also. I think im dying all the time, have panic attacks, ive any desease that there is if i have a slightest symptom of. Every bone and muscle aches , joints are sore...im 5 stone overweight but not a huge eater, have very little exercise. Im even scared to drive any distance incase i become unwell, i suffer from regular migraines, hate going out again incase i become unwell, hate being on my own but sometimes want nothing more than being alone..i really hope life isnt like this always as sometimes i think id rather be dead if this is it life wise....anyone any advise, have seen doctor and had some tests but worried sick about any visits to doc. Glad in a way to see im not alone but for you guys the same youlle know what its like....awfull!!!
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#6

Postby Sabinka23 » Sun Jan 18, 2009 10:22 pm

Live1 wrote:Hi, im a male of 41 and for the last few years ive had the same dreary outlook on life as most on here have . Every day i think that life cant be like this forever...gone are the days when you laughed , got excited about anything, happy. I cant remember when i really wanted to do anything ..its all a chore now, i really have to push myself to do anything and as ive a wife and kids i really dont want to have my feeling of life put them down also. I think im dying all the time, have panic attacks, ive any desease that there is if i have a slightest symptom of. Every bone and muscle aches , joints are sore...im 5 stone overweight but not a huge eater, have very little exercise. Im even scared to drive any distance incase i become unwell, i suffer from regular migraines, hate going out again incase i become unwell, hate being on my own but sometimes want nothing more than being alone..i really hope life isnt like this always as sometimes i think id rather be dead if this is it life wise....anyone any advise, have seen doctor and had some tests but worried sick about any visits to doc. Glad in a way to see im not alone but for you guys the same youlle know what its like....awfull!!!


oh i know what u talking about ... i felt the same ... and i thought its never gonna pass away ... but it will and now i know that .. u need to go to doc and describe everything u feel.. i couldnt fight it just myself and started to take medication ... the results that u cant belive ..the life coming back .. even sometimes i still feel a bit wierd like its not me ... but its because of too much coffe sometimes ..lol and smoking :roll: and yeah positive thoughts always ... :P
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#7

Postby vergeofsomething » Tue Feb 03, 2009 11:07 pm

.... i know exactly how you feel.... i actually googled "not feeling like myself" and found this... because i have not been the same person that i was for 23 years straight as of almost a year ago, and i have no idea what it is. i had an anxiety attack that was incredibly surreal; nothing was familiar to me at all... and i have had the heeby jeebies ever since then, with off and on attacks... sincerely...we should talk more. i'm pretty glad that someone else has experienced this dude...
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#8

Postby LvMyPuppy » Wed Feb 04, 2009 3:01 pm

Hi Jen! I know exactly how you feel. I started searching the other night online and came across this site. I don't even know how to begin to describe how I feel. Wish I could, but it's extremely frightening. Mine started almost a year ago. I feel like it's gotten worse, but probably because it's all I can think about. I can't seem to get out of my head. Does anyone seem to have these attacks more so at night? Mine are BAD at night. Last night was the worst yet. I am afraid to go to sleep. I feel like I start to drift off and then get jarred awake with my heart pounding and me not feeling like me. I feel like I'm not real.

I've had panic attacks for years now, but this past year has been the worst. I did start a new job and the people I work with are very difficult and I'm constantly being downed. I don't know if that started it or what. I've gotten so I have no emotions about anything. The only emotion I seem to have is constant fear 24/7. I used to cry every now and then, but now I'm not happy or sad. I feel like I just exist. I'm not hungry either. Basically going to sleep, getting up and doing normal things are huge chores. I feel like I'm watching myself, my thoughts aren't mine and I'm disconnected from everything around me. I think about my past and I know it was me, but it doesn't feel like me. It almost feels like I'm living in someone else's body. I look in the mirror and I feel like I'm looking at someone else (Stranger to yourself kinda feel). After reading this out loud I sound like a nut case and keeping it to myself amplifies everything.

I feel like no one is as bad as I am. I don't know what causes this disconnect, detached feeling, but my biggest fear is that it won't go away. Everytime I try to talk myself out of it or try to feel normal, it lasts for a split second and then I'm right back where I started. I'm afraid one day I will be permanently stuck and will have to live like this. That's my biggest fear. Can anyone else relate? I don't want to be like this, but don't know how to get out. I've also had other symptoms like heart pounding all the time, muscle spasms or like an internal vibrating sensation once in a while in my legs, dizziness all the time, sore tight muscles, tmj, etc.

I used to find relief or a comfort zone, but now nothing helps. I appreciate any feedback or any advice on a cure for this. My doctor tried to give me medication a while back but I refused and now I'm wondering if it will work? Another fear is taking it and it doesn't work, then what do I do? Oh the vicious cycle. I hope we can all feel better very soon!

Thanks,
Kelly
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#9

Postby abcdxyz88 » Wed Feb 04, 2009 4:46 pm

I cant beleive people are going through the same thing as me.
Im going to explain how i have got myself into my current situation of generally feeling empty and not human.
I had a panic attack almost 2 weeks ago, normally i can pull myself out of them but this one was a bad one, i could not break myself out of the bad thought cycle. The day after I was relatively normal, but come night time I had another panic attack, the next day the same happened, I tried to go out with some friends 2 days later and had to come home bevcause i started to panic. My head hurt, i looked at other people i didnt feel alive compared to them, i didnt feel like me, like i was from another planet. Which makes me worse with regards to panic, the day after I was shaken up beyond belief, i couldnt eat, i convinced myself something was up, a brain tumor or cancer or something, I cried alot, all i wanted to do was sleep and wake up feeling like me again. I went to the DR, she sent me for blood tests but said yeah you are a panicker. So i continued feeling alone, unhuman. My test results came back with an abnormality, and i had to go back for more tests, which made me sink into 4 days of convincing myself I was going to be told i was dying, every ache and every pain, was to me a sign i was ill. I started to act like an ill person, i felt even more different to the people i would see walk by. I didnt want to leave my house, when i did i would feel dizzy surrounded by all these 'normal' people, constantly looking at others and thinking 'why cant i be like them again' 'why do i feel like this'. I just didnt feel like i was in my body, like id lost the person who had fun or had been for the last 20 years,like i was someone alien. Anyways i continued hardly eating, waking up every few hours, sitting inside all day until my Dr rung with the results, it was good news, I had worked myself up so so so much that when i was told this i did cry and shake and dance, i thought i would feel better. But then i have now convinced myself that they have got it wrong or not looked at the right thing, i read the newspapers and see about a young girl who died of meningistus and immediately google the symptoms convincing myself i have that too. I went for a meal last nite, with my family, but been surrounded by others just makes me panic, i do not feel like i am one of them, i still cant eat much, or sleep much, and i know that this is why i feel tired out, i just cannot feel any emotion, but worry, I am going to Vegas in a week, and arent even excited about that, cos i dont feel like i will get there. But then that makes me feel more stressed and panic cos i remember how i was excited before and how i should be excited, My panic attacks are all about death, the vision that my time is nye, that i will be ripped from my family. This is pretty much all i think about, i dont laugh much now, or smile. I just wanna go back to being me, the girl who looked at herself in the mirror loads, who loved going for walks, who moaned and who was excited about her future, but its hard when im constantly thinking i dont have a future.
I am so sorry for going on and on, but i need to get everything out, maybe nobody feels exactly the same as me, but i hope someone can relate. I dont know if panic had turned to depression? or if im some kind of psycho, all i know is that i do not want to spend the rest of my life feeling like i cannot see my friends in fear of paniking. My thoughts do not feel like mine, its like i have 2 people in my head, its hard to accept i am a living thing, alone in my head, i think im scared of that, my own consciousness saying 'oi,you are alive, its your heart beating in your chest' i dont want these thoughts. Hopefully getting this out in the open will clear my head, im going to try push these negative thoughts out, but im still left with feeling unhappy, which fuels my worries more cos i wanna be happy.
I have the best family and boyfriend, but i feel like the girl they knew has gone. I need to get back to ME!!!!!
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#10

Postby happylife » Wed Feb 04, 2009 8:18 pm

Hi i feel Alien

I can relate to u and the way u are feeling i feel like this to, as if my head is spinning every minute of the day. The thought that i am on death door is a big panic thought for me i think about it all time. I have had panic attacks for so long i sometimes think i never know if i was normal or not what is normal?????????

My best advice for u would be to try and work through this period and be determined to continue with your plans do not give into the feeling of surrendering to your fear that u are going to die or have a panic attack just let that fear feeling make u more determined to do it this will work and u will begin to feel normal and more importantly stronger to face up to the negative emotions we feel that stop us.

I work part time and have two young children and this proves to me that when i have to go to work or the park with the children i just have to dig deeper in side me and do it with out letting the fear rule my life.

My approach is what i read in a Claire Weekes book this is as follows

Facing what your feeling not running away or stopping your plans
Float with your feelings staying wer u are with your feeling
Accept your feelings letting these feeling go other u not trying to stop them
Letting time pass with your feeling let them be until they disappear

When you do this you start to take the fear out of fear and immediately feel better that you did not give in and ome and u carried on with your plans. Then when ever you feel these feelings coming on you do the same until they come and u think what ever i have a life to lead.

I hope this makes u feel stronger and do not worry u are not alone

[/quote]
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#11

Postby LvMyPuppy » Fri Feb 06, 2009 6:14 pm

WOW ABC, you totally described me. I'm so glad I'm not alone. I guess we can't be all that crazy. I'm thinking all of us here are in the same boat. Intelligent, wonderful people who are very critical of themselves and probably somewhat of a perfectionist? There are always things in common that go along with these symptoms. You would think though it would make us feel better (which it helps knowing someone knows), but you would think we could just snap out of it. I know what's going on, but even when I don't feel stressed, the feeling is there and I don't get used to, but really more afraid of it. We all weren't always like this and there has to be a way out, I just don't know what it is yet.

I've had panic attacks since college, but now it seems like all day panic. I fear like you that anxiety can't cause this and it has to be a tumor or something horrible and then the thoughts get worse and worse. Then I feel like if I don't get help now I will permanently be like this. Even when the doctor says it's anxiety I don't believe them. It's really bad when you can't even trust someone's knowledge. I too get envious of people thinking gosh if only I could feel like that again. Just be happy and not worry about a thing. Maybe there are more people like us, but they are afraid to say anything.

I know for me, I feel different, like a totally different person and my thoughts are different. To everyone else I'm the same, but I look at them wondering if they see me different. I act the same on the outside, but inside is a whole other story. I'm a stranger to myself right now and that is very scary, probably why I can't sleep at night. I feel like I'm looking through a different set of eyes. I have that feel like that 2 people thing going on as well. It's just very strange. I can SO relate. I also have those bad panic thoughts like I'm always dying. It's a lonely feeling being stuck in your head. There are occassions that I can get out but now it doesn't last long because as soon as one thought creeps in, that's it. Doesn't matter what I'm doing. I used to feel better when I picked up the phone to call a friend, but that doesn't always help either.

I would definitely like to feel like my old self again, whatever that was. I hope you do enjoy your trip. It's hard I know. You work yourself up and then you are over it. The joy is just stripped out of everything. Maybe we will find some answers very soon on how to overcome this fear! Thanks everyone for being on here and posting their thoughts.
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#12

Postby tigergutt » Tue Feb 17, 2009 12:54 pm

Hi all,

I feel exactly like you ABC, so I know what you're going through. With me it started in June, when I was living in my dorm over the summer. One night I was sitting at my computer talking to some people and I suddenly started feeling sick. My heart beat shot through the roof, major rush of blood to my head, feeling nauseous, dizzy, like you're about to die on the spot etc etc. First time this happened I got rushed to the emergency room because I had no clue what was happening. They didn't find anything of course, and I started wondering what could be wrong with me. My thought started flying around and I self diagnosed myself with everything from brain tumors/cancer to diabetes, brain aneurysms, brain infection, sinus infection and so on. And I highly doubt I ever had any of those things.

Anyway, as time went by over the summer I started having more frequent panic attacks, even multiple a day, and I started getting really worried. I went to a clinic to see if they could do a full blood work and I could finally figure out what was wrong. They did, and found nothing wrong. I talked to the doctor after the tests and he said it could be possible that I had some sort of anxiety disorder with frequent panic attacks, which in turn could bring on some depression. He prescribed me some zoloft in july (which I never took, because just the thought of me needing something like that seemed crazy, and the side effects scared me).

After this I basically tried to forget the entire thing and just get on with my life and suppress the panic attacks. Now, in February I finally got enough of it and I'm starting to talk with a counselor about it, and trying to do whatever it is I have to do to get over this, because this is NOT something you can just ignore and think it will go away after a while. I've tried now for 8 months or so, and it's not worth trying to let it pass on it's own. In my head, i know there's nothing physically wrong with me, and I try to tell myself that every time I can feel a panic attack coming on, but eventually that won't even work because they get too powerful. The last 8 months of my life has been a nightmare, not feeling like I'm myself, that I might be like this forever, self diagnosing myself with everything in the book just to give myself some... false relief because i feel like I know what's wrong with me. I know, it's really scary to think that something as severe as how you feel could just... be something in your head, but it is.

There have been days where I have been so dizzy, tired, nervous about having a panic attack and not feeling like myself that I haven't wanted to leave the house or even get out of bed. There's been nights I have felt so nervous and anxious I have felt like I would die in my sleep, making me stay up until the morning so I know people would find me, or would be able to help if they saw something was wrong. I've had panic attacks that have been so bad I've had 911 dialed in on the phone, lying in bed and ready to press "Dial". This is when it starts ruling your life and it causes you to be depressed as well, which makes everything you're already feeling worse.

Now, in February I'm fed up with it, and I got hard classes starting and I basically told myself that I have to end this now, before it consumes me. It feels like you're a totally different person, that you're living someone else life, that you're not in complete control of your own actions. Since summer I've had problems even putting a word on how I feel, and found your post around the time you made it. It made me realize how serious this has really gotten, and I talked to some people at my school the next day to see what I could do about it (I actually used parts of your post to describe to the counselor I was assigned how I felt).

I talked to him once and I actually felt relieved when I left his office, because I know I'm doing something about it. He also made me meet with a doctor at my school to talk about some of the medicine out there that can help battle anxiety disorders and panic attacks. I was very skeptical to medication at first, because I was worried it could change how I felt, and make me feel... not myself. But when an anxiety disorder gets severe enough that's exactly what happens, you don't feel like yourself anymore. I was given Zoloft again, and this time I actually filled the prescription. And I have never been happier about filling one in my life.

I have been on Zoloft 25mg for 4-5 days now, and the worst symptoms (the constant dizziness) is already starting to go away. My counselor told me the side effects can be pretty rough the first few days you're on it (I did feel nauseous one night but it passed as soon as I woke up), but if you can tough it out through the side effects you will usually start feeling major improvement within a month. Along with my Zoloft I'm also working on exercising along with breathing techniques as they will help regulate your heart beat and release of chemicals from your brain and help your nerves (my nerves have been totally messed up from all the panic attacks, and I was told that the chemical imbalance in your brain due to frequent panic attacks/anxiety disorder can really screw with your nervous system, which is why you can feel not yourself).

I'm not saying you HAVE to take Zoloft or another medicine like that. What I'm saying is you have to do something about this, because it's not going to go away on its own. There's most likely some underlying cause to why you're feeling the way you are, and you have to find what that is with help from a counselor or therapist.

I'm not a doctor, I'm not a therapist, but I know exactly what you guys are going through, and the first step you can take to getting better is to seek help as soon as possible. If not you can be stuck feeling like you are now, or it can get a lot worse. It really does help talking about how you're feeling, knowing that you're not alone out there. If you've had this for a while now, you're probably feeling like no one in the world knows what you're going through, that you're going crazy, that there's no hope, no cure, but there is. A lot of people are going through this, but not very many people actually talk about it, because it feels like its embarrassing for various reasons to let someone know you feel like you're going crazy.

If you want to talk about how you're feeling, how I'm feeling, got suggestions for me, want suggestions or anything at all send me a message and I'll talk to you about it.
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#13

Postby SJoseph » Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:41 pm

I had panic attacks for over 4 years.

I had many fears, such as the fact that I would never be able to enjoy my life again as I once had because of those panic attacks.

It took some time, but through treatment with my doctor, therapy, and a LOT of practicing relaxation, I was able to overcome my own panic attacks completely. In many ways I personally feel that my life is better now as a result. I haven't had a panic attack in years.

It was very, very difficult, and at the time I had them I didn't feel that there was any hope. In my experience there was, and I now enjoy my life to the fullest.

My-Panic-attacks ,com (the website) describes this story further.[/i]
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#14

Postby Chris413 » Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:16 pm

Well I know how you all feel, mine started 3 years ago after I watched my mum pass away from cancer. I was just driving one day and my legs went numb and I felt like I was floating out of my body "my first panic attack". It shook my world and many more happened over the next couple of weeks, most of them whilst I was driving. The more time went o the worse they got and the longer it took my body to recover from them.

All of a sudden I was tired all the while, hurting, dizzy, and didn't want to leave my home. I saw my doctor and was given help with some counceling, this helped a bit with the panic attacks, learning how to recognise the signs that one was coming. Then I started getting thoughts that I was going to die all the while, and my symptoms got worse. After 2 years of tests I was finialy diagnosed with M.E. & Type 2 Diabetes, a double wammy because one illness would effect the other.

I have tryed to work normally through all this but now after so many sick days I am now currently under stress through knowing I could now lose my job over all this. Because of this the panic attacks are back again.

Over the last 3 or 4 months one thing I have noticed is that when I look through my eyes, I dont see or feel like the same person I did before all this started, I feel as if someone else just stepped into my place. Everything is so hard now for me, I used to love driving, but since my first attack I have hardly driven a couple of miles, because everytime I try to I have another attack.

I have been on loads of tablets and nothing realy works, I just wish I was like my old self again, so yes I know how you all feel and it's sort of comforting to know i'm not the only person who feels like this.
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