I'm very glad you chose to share your situation with us. Based on the posts that you wrote I'm a little surprised that you don't understand why you feel so angry and have such a fascination with dominance, especially sexually.
You may not think about it, or think you think about it, but your sexual abuse has a very strong, if not a key, role in your thoughts and behavior now. So many people have no idea how traumatically a sexual assault affects the psyche of an individual, regardless of who it is or how strong he/she things he/she is. I'm not going to begin to think that I know what is causing the specifics of your thoughts, however it has been documented that sexual assault and violence against an individual can cause feelings and thoughts to commit those actions against another person.
The most unfortunate fact about all of this is that you are not alone in this situation. There are countless men and women who have been a victim of sexual assault and felt the symptoms of anger, guilt, shame, depression, etc.
You said that you don't want to make this problem part of your wife's life too. The only you can hope to not make that happen is to not marry her. The fact that it is a part of your life makes it automatic that it will be a part of her life too, as she is going to also be a part of your life. The only way you can make sure that this is not a problem in your relationship with her is to make sure she is well aware of the situation. Give her the respect to know this part of your life as well, because if you don't you run the risk of allowing your symptoms of anger to affect your relationship with her.
I truly hope you take my words to heart and seek out a professional to deal with the underlying issues that bring out this symptom of anger. Realize that you are worth being helped, just as you are worth being loved.
I hope this helps,