Maybe you are one of the few who still have signs of life.
I worked for twenty years, but I was not dealing with my condition when working, as I thought I wanted the jobs.
Don't feel guilty about how you feel.
People have to deaden themselves to get through the drudgery, and you dont want to do that.
Who would, if they really thought about it.
You have really thought about it.
Write the novel anyway.
Life is about finding and nurturing our own individual talents, not wasting hours each day, lining someone elses pockets.
Since I got pensioned off from my last job, after losing loads of jobs before that, I have discovered my art.
I am agorophobic and people phobic, so I like serene and solitude.
I get panick attacks if I go out sometimes.
This is because I ignored inner stirrings for so long, to keep my jobs, which I lost anyway.
I get envious of the freedom some homeless seem to have, some of them say they couldnt bare living in a house, and still camp in the good weather, even if they stop being homeless.
This society praises drudges and frowns on those who are pursuing their own talents.
You just have to look at the school system to see that.
Don't do what I did, and ignore your inner stirrings.
Life has a habit of helping us in its odd way, when we take measures to nurture our inner selves (your novel)
Do it out of love, and not work, and the money will be ok.
I don't know how, as I am still battling anxiety myself, but it's some universal law, that if we honour our unique inner gifts, life arranges it so that help comes from things we could never imagine, especially when stressed.
My art has stopped for now as I have received a letter and questionnaire from the incapacity benefit people, and I have to continue to stop myself imagining I will be forced back to work.
The false imaginings of being forced back to work, came about because I invested too much in the news and medias comments about people in the UK on sickness benefit, and the new rules.
Things will be better when I stop my false imaginings, I know I wont be forced back to work before I am ready.
Work made me worse, so obviously its foolish returning to a place which you know is going to make you ill.
So, grab a notebook and pencil, and get scribbling, for the love, and not the money and keep drudgery and fear of drudgery away from you.
I wouldnt go to the extremes of running to the woods, but there are loads of good reads on survivalists online.
People who live off the land write blogs etc, just google a few keywords, and broaden your knowledge.