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ANGELEYES1984
New Member
Joined: 10 Apr 2009
Posts: 7
Fri Apr 10, 2009 5:52 pm
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| Cant get over ex Fiance one year one, yet he seems the same! |
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All i can think of is him its driving me Mad! We was together over 2 years and broke up with me out the blue without any warning for “Space”. ( He dumped me 2 days b4 i was due to get some medical results) When he finished it he was crying and kept saying sorry. I didnt chase him , contact him or anything.
I bumped into him 3 months after the break up and he started crying outside his work, worse than what he did when we split up. He said he respects me so much for giving him his space, he wanted space but not this much. We arranged to meet up and talk and he text me 2days saying he cant meet his head isnt clear and doesnt know what he wants. i text back i understand look afer yourself.
Fast forward 8 months i bump into him in a club , as soon as he saw me he hugged me tight , asked if i was ok, i said yes have had a few problems but all ok. He managed to get my problems out of me, and said why are the doctors so slow u been ill for 3 years whats wrong with them. i said i dont know, dont care now at least im getting myself sorted, im on the waiting list for a operation so its a start! He spent the he spent the whole night with me chatting to me talking about what we been up to how i am etc. i said i better go and see my mates and ill come back in a bit.i went out to the smoking area with my fieneds he was out there talking about me with his work mates, they asked him how long we was together he said 2 years his mate said shes beautiful, he then said there is nothing there now. i turned round and he walked off that hurt
Later on we was talking again he said he still thinks of me everyday, thinks of me when he hears songs, remembers when everyones birthday is close to me and thinks of me and them on that day. he missed me on his birthday when it was 3 weeks ago. When he sees a car the same as mine he automatically thinks it me. i offered him a lift home and he accepted. when we got outside his house i suggested we should meet for lunch he accepted again i asked him if he still had my number he does - all my numbers, mum dads nan uncles sisters, any number where i may be he has still got in his phone. - he checked that the numbers was still correct and i gave him my new mobile number.
he asked me if i still sleep all huddled up and if i still nick the covers i said yes, he said ah like sleeping beauty
he admits that he still has all my stuff i have given him, and always think of me. and when he is out somewhere he think i will be he looks for me and everywhere he goes the memory is there and any small blonde he thinks is me when we said goodbye he hugged me so tight and held me hands then hugged me again.
Throughtout the evening when i said i was going home he would hug me tight, but i never left i ended up chatting some more.
6 Weeks on, i bump into him again out side his work, and he starts getting emotional, asking me how i am i said not to bad, i got my date for the operation and that is xmas eve, i said to him again about lunch he said yes ok will do. When i said bye he kissed me on the cheek and hugged me tight again, and said i always think of u, and will be thinking of u more than ever on xmas eve good luck. then he walked off.
He has since bumped into my best mate in a social club asked how i was etc, he asked him why he hasnt been in touch he couldnt answer the question. He asked how my operation went, he told him That i just had it and didnt have it over xmas as was ill but im doing ok. He said she is such a amazing girl, this is the hardest thing i have ever done. He had tears in his eyes went out for a fag for a long time then left.
Obviously there are feelings there still, i dont understand why he hasnt been in touch, when he said he would for lunch, but its driving me mad!What shall i say to him if i was to c him again?
He has nooone else, and there never has been anyone else. But i dont understand how over a year on he still thinks of me everyday gets emotional everytime he sees me yet wont do anything about it. I was his first Love, he is a 26 yr old man, not a kid. I wont contact him as he walked away he wanted space and respects me for giving it to him, i have offered the lunch, so its up to him. But how can i move on, with him still being like this i cant ignore him when i c him i dont have the heart to.
Sorry for the Long Post |
Hookedonkronik
Full Member
Joined: 02 Jun 2008
Posts: 187
Fri Apr 10, 2009 8:55 pm
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| Interesting situation. |
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Main point being you like him, he seems to still be into you when he sees you, but you two aren't together. Why doesn't he want anything? Who knows. But if he wanted to make a relationship work than i'm sure he's a smart enough guy to realize he would have to contribute, which he hasn't.
I think you should just talk to him about it and go from there or simply let him go and move on. |
ANGELEYES1984
New Member
Joined: 10 Apr 2009
Posts: 7
Sat Apr 11, 2009 10:04 am
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Thank you for your reply, I dont really know how to approach him as whe i c him he gets all emotional. Even when my friend saw him in the socail club one mention of my name he got all watery eyed. None of it makes sence,
Its now been a year and he was the dumper. I thought they had it easier! |
Hookedonkronik
Full Member
Joined: 02 Jun 2008
Posts: 187
Sat Apr 11, 2009 2:11 pm
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Just ask him about it. Why does he get emotional when he sees you, but doesn't take the step forward? You could build up the courage to tell him you still have (stong) feelings for him if you already haven't so he knows where you stand. Having a good conversation about it could further opportunities or you could find out once and for all if nothing is to come of it. |
ANGELEYES1984
New Member
Joined: 10 Apr 2009
Posts: 7
Sat Apr 11, 2009 3:35 pm
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deep down i dont think anything will come of it, it would of by now, unless he is scared of rejection or something. But he stands there telling me he thinks of me everyday etc,
I just feel in myself i should be over it a year later, so does all my friends. I dont really have any one else to talk to about this. Thats y i thought i would try here.
Thank you for your help x |
PoppyGoodWill
MVP
Joined: 04 Nov 2006
Posts: 2629
Location: Toronto
Sat Apr 11, 2009 8:58 pm
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Whatever he is doing and for whatever reason, it's messing with your head. He's already messed with your head when he dumped you. Don't let him mess with it again now. The hard truth is that if he wanted to see you, to have lunch, etc, he would call you and set it up. there is nothing stopping him from doing that. He's choosing not to. Why? Who knows. And you shouldn't care. The fact is, he's leading you on in way. Even if his emotions are genuine, they are clearly all about him and not you, or he would call you. He would make them into something real. As it is, he's leading you on by not following through. That's not cool, not fair.
So I say don't speak to him again, don't give him any more opportunities to mess with you. Tell yourself, and him, that you deserve better than some guy who is going to play you like that. |
ANGELEYES1984
New Member
Joined: 10 Apr 2009
Posts: 7
Sun Apr 12, 2009 1:02 am
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U r right i should ignore him, i just dont have the heart 2. im punishing myself i Know but what does it show that after a year i all of a sudden ignore him?
I know i shouldnt worry what he thinks , its just hard to get over him. I dont even see him that much.
So much for no contact being the way 2 go |
Hookedonkronik
Full Member
Joined: 02 Jun 2008
Posts: 187
Sun Apr 12, 2009 3:20 am
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You don't have to ignore him. It would be ideal to be mature about it and let him know how his behavior affects you and why you are unable to continue this way. In the broadest sense, his actions lead you on and if nothing is going to come of it then it needs to stop. Look at what situation you are in now because of this. Don't you deserve to be happy?
Sure this guy was great I bet, but don't believe there is only one guy out there that can make you happy, because it isn't true. It is hard to get over someone. Especially when you haven't moved on, but that's what you need to do. Someone who moves on isn't going to dwell on the past. Going on like this could last a very long time. It nothing ultimately happens, don't you considerate it just a huge waste? Realize that you need to just let go. Be prepared to see him in public (another reason you should maybe just conveniently speak with him about the whole situation and your feelings). |
ANGELEYES1984
New Member
Joined: 10 Apr 2009
Posts: 7
Sun Apr 12, 2009 8:49 am
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it is a waste me hanging on like this, just that if when i do see him he gets all emotional , i wont get much out of him if i tell him how the way he i sbeing affects me.
Its not just me he gets emotional with its a soon as my name is mentioned by any one that knows me So i dont think he is being like this on purpose.
Sure there is other guys, b4 him i was with a man for 3 years but was over it in about 5 months.
I do just have to learn to let go |
PoppyGoodWill
MVP
Joined: 04 Nov 2006
Posts: 2629
Location: Toronto
Mon Apr 13, 2009 6:21 pm
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quote:
Originally posted by ANGELEYES1984
U r right i should ignore him, i just dont have the heart 2. im punishing myself i Know but what does it show that after a year i all of a sudden ignore him?
It shows that you have decided you don't want to deal with his being all emotional but then never coming through with it and doing anything about it. It shows that you think you deserve better than being messed with. Cause that does seem what he's doing: messing with you for his own reasons, whatever they are. |
ANGELEYES1984
New Member
Joined: 10 Apr 2009
Posts: 7
Tue Apr 14, 2009 11:33 am
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Hopefully one day i will have the strength to. I just keep thinking of the way he was when we split and when i saw him 3 months on, a complete emotional wreck and even now still gets emotional but not as bad. I feel sorry for him. And i shouldnt i know. I just want him out my head! |
Hermaine
Full Member
Joined: 12 Jun 2007
Posts: 202
Tue Apr 14, 2009 11:53 pm
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You don't want somebody who gets emotional every time he sees you. you want somebody who actually considers your feeling, keeps his promisses and has some respect for you. And that's clearly not him.
The problem is that "space" thing. You concentrate too much on what HE needs or wants. It's not about him, it's about you. You need to take a bit more proactive steps. Next time you see him and he brings all those emotions up, just tell him what you need and want from him. It could be either to start seeing each other as friends again and see where it goes, or, if that's not what he wants, tell him to start keeping his feelings about you to himself because it's a bit pointless for you to hear about them. |
PoppyGoodWill
MVP
Joined: 04 Nov 2006
Posts: 2629
Location: Toronto
Wed Apr 15, 2009 2:24 am
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Amen, Hermaine. She is thinking more about his feelings, his wants and needs, than her own. I wonder why that is...? |
ANGELEYES1984
New Member
Joined: 10 Apr 2009
Posts: 7
Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:07 am
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I dont know y that is, i need to think of myself i know. For some reason i just cant bring my self to b so blunt. Im a sucker for tears and maybe a fool to belive it? |
Hookedonkronik
Full Member
Joined: 02 Jun 2008
Posts: 187
Wed Apr 15, 2009 2:28 pm
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quote:
Originally posted by Hermaine
if that's not what he wants, tell him to start keeping his feelings about you to himself because it's a bit pointless for you to hear about them.
^ |
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