In a Relationship with a Heavy Pot Smoker..

Smoking, drinking, drugs. Whatever the object of addiction, it can ruin your life - get help here.

Postby easybreathing » Sat May 09, 2009 1:23 pm

Hi everyone,
I'm 31 years old, and I've been in a relationship for the last six months with a heavy pot smoker... When we first started dating, he admitted to smoking weed, but I didn't have any idea how much of a problem it was for him. As I got to know him more, and his friends and lifestyle, I realized he was hanging out with a crowd who all smoked pot on a regular basis and especially when they got together. So I asked him how often he does it, to which he got defensive and then mentionned 4 to 5 times a week... I'm not even sure that is the truth. I told him I could not accept this, and if this is the way it would be, I'd rather end the relationship. At this point, and after much discussion, he agreed to cut down to 2 times a week or only when he is "with his friends". Either way, in the last month and a half, I've been noticing some big changes in his behaviour and health - the worst of it is the mood swings and anger. He's also had tons of headaches, flu symptoms and sinus problems off and on. He'll spend weekends with me (Fri-Sun), but by Sunday, he's extremely irritable (usually has a headache by then) and picks the smallest things to get mad about which ends up in him yelling and cursing at me. Sometimes he storms out of the house - but mainly when he is leaving he seems agitated as though he needs to get away to attend to something else right away. He doesn't smoke infront of me, by the way. I have been going thru these cycles of emotions with him and the next time I talk to him after these episodes, he seems calm and content and never mentions the incident. I've been asking about his pot smoking and moods and he denies he has a problem...instead he picks at me and blames everything on me. Everything that goes wrong is always my fault! He'll blame me for his headaches, the fact that he's cursed at me and gotten mad, and that he doesn't get to "see his friends" that often (which I also know means doesn't get to smoke up as often). At this point, I can tell when he's sober, high or craving and its disturbing to see him consistently moving between these personnas. Whenever I try and talk to him about it even from the perspective of being concerned about his health, he shuts me out, tells me to shut up or justifies himself. He's even told me if I can't deal with it, I can just "go my way" - and he's shown other signs of apathy towards us in so many ways. At times, he seems like he just doesn't care. He doesn't consider pot a drug he says. Lately, he's resorted to calling me really hurtful and insulting names as we argue... He just doesn't think his addiction is affecting our relationship... I love him a lot so I want to help him, but I feel he's pushing me away for confronting him on this issue. Is this a lost cause or would you suggest I try and hang on to this to see if I can help him? Also, does anyone else have this issue in a relationship with an addict? Or do the mood swings and behavior have to do with something else entirely perhaps? Help someone!
easybreathing
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Postby 2 Old 2 B Buzzed Daily » Sat May 09, 2009 3:13 pm

easybreathing wrote:Hi everyone,
He just doesn't think his addiction is affecting our relationship... I love him a lot so I want to help him, but I feel he's pushing me away for confronting him on this issue. Is this a lost cause or would you suggest I try and hang on to this to see if I can help him? Also, does anyone else have this issue in a relationship with an addict? Or do the mood swings and behavior have to do with something else entirely perhaps? Help someone!

This thread has similarities to your situation and it seemed to have happy ending. It will probably help you to read these posts, just click on the link:

Author: jbings
Topic: Marriage and life is crumbling and I must change!
http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic. ... highlight=

Hope it helps a little :D
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Postby easybreathing » Sat May 09, 2009 3:40 pm

Thanks 2 Old 2 B Buzzed,
I appreciate your response and your positive outlook - however, this article was written from the perspective of a married couple... and the pot addict himself was admitting to the problem and understands how it affects his wife and relationship...
My situation is slightly different in which there is a difficulty in me getting my boyfriend to admit there is an actual problem and therefore refuses to do anything about it...
Anyone have any other advice? Help!
easybreathing
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Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 12:26 pm

Postby 2 Old 2 B Buzzed Daily » Sat May 09, 2009 4:20 pm

easybreathing wrote:Thanks 2 Old 2 B Buzzed,
My situation is slightly different in which there is a difficulty in me getting my boyfriend to admit there is an actual problem and therefore refuses to do anything about it... Anyone have any other advice? Help!

Topic: My boyfriend smokes marijuana and I hate it.

http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=46994
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Postby Flylots » Mon May 25, 2009 3:35 pm

Hello Eb

I have been smoking over 30 years on and off and back on this site after a year still strugling with my useage. i have another shot at quitting(for good) alot of my relationship with my family hangs on the edge and I have the ability to change it.

the thing about it is your bf needs to want to quit, I mean really quit. My pattern was a few times a week and then more and the next thing its all day. I have many friends with the same problem, they just dont think or know its a problem. If you ask how much they use it would be the same response few times a week. any more than once or twice a week is more than recreational useage.

Trust me when i say it gets worse before it gets better.

If he doesnt want help and isnt willing to quit for you then maybe its best to move on. I have a loving wife after 18 years and shes giving me another shot. I dont beleive there will be many more chances for me to quit.

good luck to you
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