What if you can't accept the past?

Postby gringor » Fri Jun 12, 2009 6:39 pm

What do you do?

I understand that you need to accept unpleasant experiences/memories in your life, rather than suppressing them i.e. dealing with cause rather than symptoms.

What if you simply cannot do so, though?

I've been trying to accept past events for over a decade, and have never managed to do so; the best I have managed is to supress/avoid, for long periods of time.

Counselling hasn't helped, neither has medication - unfortunately, brain just isn't wired that way.

So what to do? Any opinions/experiences?
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#1

Postby sgreen007 » Sat Jun 13, 2009 3:19 pm

Hi gringor

"I understand that you need to accept unpleasant experiences/memories in your life, rather than suppressing them i.e. dealing with cause rather than symptoms."

Not sure where it is said that one NEEDS TO accept unpleasant experiences/memories.

"What if you simply cannot do so, though?" Maybe you do not need to.

"I've been trying to accept past events for over a decade, and have never managed to do so"

A reality denier eh?

Visit www.thework.com watch the videos and do the work.
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#2

Postby jurplesman » Sun Jun 14, 2009 5:21 am

gringor wrote:What do you do?

I understand that you need to accept unpleasant experiences/memories in your life, rather than suppressing them i.e. dealing with cause rather than symptoms.

What if you simply cannot do so, though?

I've been trying to accept past events for over a decade, and have never managed to do so; the best I have managed is to supress/avoid, for long periods of time.

Counselling hasn't helped, neither has medication - unfortunately, brain just isn't wired that way.

So what to do? Any opinions/experiences?


The position you are in is not unlike so many other people suffering from mood disorders. They are misled into believing that you have to resolve "past issues" before you can deal with present problems. The other myth is that drugs will solve the problem. Drug therapy does not help most people withn depression.. See Studies showing the ineffectiveness of SSRIs and/or psychotherapy.

For an alternative approach to the treatment of depression please see:

Depression is a Nutritional Disorder here

Depression is a Disease of Energy Production

Silent Diseases and Mood Disorders

Please discuss with a Nutritional Doctor or Clinical Nutritionist or Nutritional Psychologist if self-help therapy fails.
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#3

Postby Cooler » Sun Jun 14, 2009 8:08 am

gringor wrote:What do you do?

I understand that you need to accept unpleasant experiences/memories in your life, rather than suppressing them i.e. dealing with cause rather than symptoms.

What if you simply cannot do so, though?

I've been trying to accept past events for over a decade, and have never managed to do so; the best I have managed is to supress/avoid, for long periods of time.

Counselling hasn't helped, neither has medication - unfortunately, brain just isn't wired that way.

So what to do? Any opinions/experiences?


Gringor,

You have said that you cannot accept past events, and yet here you are talking to us about them. It's weird how the mind works in this way. The more we try to deny something that had happened to us, the more significant it is in our conscious and subconscious.

The work ahead is to reduce the significance of these events, not by denial but by accepting the reality and moving on. It took me a decade to get clear of childhood trauma. I now know what happened, I can feel the pain of it, but I have no need to remind myself of it or feel especially bruised; I was just unlucky and it wasn't my fault. It's over now and it won't happen again.

I believe this is something like the place you will need to head for. Good luck.

C.
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#4

Postby gringor » Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:16 pm

Cooler wrote:
gringor wrote:What do you do?

I understand that you need to accept unpleasant experiences/memories in your life, rather than suppressing them i.e. dealing with cause rather than symptoms.

What if you simply cannot do so, though?

I've been trying to accept past events for over a decade, and have never managed to do so; the best I have managed is to supress/avoid, for long periods of time.

Counselling hasn't helped, neither has medication - unfortunately, brain just isn't wired that way.

So what to do? Any opinions/experiences?


Gringor,

You have said that you cannot accept past events, and yet here you are talking to us about them. It's weird how the mind works in this way. The more we try to deny something that had happened to us, the more significant it is in our conscious and subconscious.

The work ahead is to reduce the significance of these events, not by denial but by accepting the reality and moving on. It took me a decade to get clear of childhood trauma. I now know what happened, I can feel the pain of it, but I have no need to remind myself of it or feel especially bruised; I was just unlucky and it wasn't my fault. It's over now and it won't happen again.

I believe this is something like the place you will need to head for. Good luck.

C.


That's good, thanks.
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#5

Postby dec123 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:21 pm

gringor wrote:What do you do?

I understand that you need to accept unpleasant experiences/memories in your life, rather than suppressing them i.e. dealing with cause rather than symptoms.

What if you simply cannot do so, though?

I've been trying to accept past events for over a decade, and have never managed to do so; the best I have managed is to supress/avoid, for long periods of time.

Counselling hasn't helped, neither has medication - unfortunately, brain just isn't wired that way.

So what to do? Any opinions/experiences?


hi, i have exactly the same problem as you, i cannot accept the fact that this guy in my class assaulted me for absolutely no reason, and its 6 odd years on from that event and i still cant cope with it!
anti depressants help to stabilise me, but i'm hoping CBT will help me move forward.
Have you looked into CBT? i have had counselling, but its only short term really in my opinion.
looking forward to your reply, if you want to talk privately feel free to email me / msn me:
manutdfan789@live.co.uk
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#6

Postby loop_repeat » Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:27 pm

because i don't know what your past experiences are, i can't say for certain if what i'm about to say is relevant. but...

i struggle to get over the past because i seem to be addicted to thinking about it? the sadness is so sharp, it's almost become precious to me over the years and it feels like part of me. also, for this reason i make the same mistakes again and again. it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy (like, i make the mistake because i feel destined to make it because i made it last time). or something?

sorry if that's not the same as how you mean...?
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#7

Postby dec123 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:29 pm

loop_repeat wrote:because i don't know what your past experiences are, i can't say for certain if what i'm about to say is relevant. but...

i struggle to get over the past because i seem to be addicted to thinking about it? the sadness is so sharp, it's almost become precious to me over the years and it feels like part of me. also, for this reason i make the same mistakes again and again. it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy (like, i make the mistake because i feel destined to make it because i made it last time). or something?

sorry if that's not the same as how you mean...?


i agree... the sadness is a part of me!
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#8

Postby Cooler » Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:43 pm

gringor wrote:
That's good, thanks.


Gringor,

Just wanted to help :)

The stuff we deal with is real and very hard to beat, but we can beat it.

C.
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