Feel like the life has been sucked right out of me

Discussions in depression - new perspectives on depression. Get help if you are suffering, and discuss approaches if you are a therapist.

Postby alias_de_guerre » Thu Jul 09, 2009 10:15 pm

I'm 29 and have suffered on and off from depression and inability to sleep most of my life, often with suicidal thoughts.

I was in a rut about 5 years ago, hated my job girl friend dumped me etc. etc. I went traveling for a couple of years, came back refreshed and started a new career. When I came back I was motivated and full of energy, I've accomplished allot in that 3 years and my life should be good right now. But the past couple of years have been a real struggle I feel like they have just sucked the life right out of me. I feel more lonely than I have ever felt before, I feel really low on energy most of the time now and often have big problems sleeping to the point where I really struggle to cope socially.

My social skills have practically disappeared, I just don't seem able to start conversations with people anymore or respond correctly when people try to have them with me. I before I used to be quite funny, now I just feel awkward around people. These feelings aren't entirely new to me I have suffered mild social anxiety at times before, I'm sure its quite normal too. But its just getting ridiculous now its been going on far too long and I'm reaching the end of my tether, I just want to snap out of it and get my life back.

I have always had issues with socializing, while in the past I have for the most part been confident, popular and respected by people I have had problems building and maintaining close relationships, therefore I don't have many close friends right now, in fact I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to. What I really need right now is friends but my lack of energy and ability to socialize are confounding my problems to make new ones. I have been considering suicide for about a year now pretty regularly, to be honest the only thing thats stopping me is the thought of what it would do to my Mum and my sister, therefore I won't do it. Life is just feels like too much of a struggle to be worth while, I'm constantly tired, lonely and frustrated. I just want to feel like myself again.

I'm thinking of going to my doctor but I suspect he will give me medication, that worries me to be honest, I think one of the reasons why I have suffered from depression is because I used to smoke a ridiculous amount of weed when I was younger and I don't like to idea on using mind altering drugs on a daily basis.

I'm not really sure if anyone can help with any of this but it feels good to what written it all down, thanks for reading.

James
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Postby AA5 » Thu Jul 09, 2009 10:49 pm

Hi James.

The fact that you managed to turn your life around before, means that you can probably do it again. :)
Remember when you were 'motivated and full of energy'?
Remember when you were proud to have 'accomplished a lot'?
You don't say what it is that has caused your downward spiral.... except for the fact that the 'past couple of years have just sucked the life right out' of you... Is it time to change your job again maybe?...

Having sleep problems will result in a lack of energy, so that part's not a puzzle. :? To create energy, you need to use energy... so get out and about. The more you DO, the more you will want to do, even if you just start by going out for a walk. Then maybe you will want to go for a jog or take up some sport. It's the opposite of the notion that too much sleep makes you more sleepy.

What has happened to cause you to feel uncomfortable with people? You say you used to be confident, popular and respected.... find that person deep inside yourself again. He must still be in there somewhere... Bring him out. Let people see him.

The suicidal thoughts need to be addressed by a professional probably. Nowadays anxiety and depression aren't necessarily treated with medication. There are alternatives which I have seen mentioned on this forum... Even nutrition plays a major role in brain function and might be worth looking into.

]Thank God your mum and your sister are around. The next step is to want to live for YOURSELF, not for someone else.

I wish you all the best. Turn your life around. I feel you can do it!
:)
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Postby alias_de_guerre » Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:36 pm

Hi
Thank you so much for your reply, to be honest I think writing it all down has helped loads, I felt better afterwards and have been fine today, I've had a lot more energy.

The truth is that no one thing has 'sucked to life' out of me I've just had a very, very hard couple of years, gaining skills in my new career (as a gas and heating engineer) has been very hard and stressful. I've worked so hard and am now pretty confident in my abilities, I should be happy with where I am right now but I think it has just worn me down. I have been emotionally exhausted and the last month or so has been physically and emotionally though. I've been working really hard, and training hard 6 days a week too (I am a Thai boxer and have a fight coming up next weekend).

The last few years have been stressful and I have had a lot of problems, but I think I'm fine now. I have just just run myself down this past few weeks and it has manifested itself as depression. Obviously being depressed I have been seeing things from the wrong perspective and linking all that up with the stress of the last couple of years. I think I was blowing things out of all proportion. The reality is things ARE getting better now, I've just had a rough couple of weeks and was seeing things from the wrong perspective.

As for feeling uncomfortable around people, thats not really a big problem, when i was younger I used to smoke loads of weed and took a fair bit of ecstasy, I was stoned pretty much all the time and twisted my head right up a few times. Suffered from pretty server paranoia on quite a few occasions and think I came pretty close to mental illness TBH (a lot of the weed we have here is an extremely strong hybrid, called skunk, its potent stuff and can have mild hallucinogenic qualities - it causes lots of schizophrenia in teenagers and I've had more than my fair share of it!). Now sometimes when I'm very tiered, depressed or intoxicated that uneasy feeling of paranoia resurfaces. Thats all I was suffering from, its a part of me now I can live with it its not a huge issue anymore. I just felt like it was because I was feeling very depressed!

Again that you very much for replying to me, your a good soul.
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Postby Annie7788 » Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:01 pm

Sounds like you are very intelligent, energetic and driven. Perhaps you have just burned yourself out with too much work and not enough play? Sounds like your free time is spent on a hobby that requires hard work and focus and your day job is the same, so when do you relax and just watch the world go by these days?

Have you thought of having a holiday and doing some travelling maybe with a group? There are all sorts of adventure holidays that you can go on with complete strangers and because you are shoved together day in/day out you end up making friends much easier than in normal life. It's difficult to not open up when you are with people 24/7. Also it would give you an opportunity to relax. Or maybe you should try something completely different such as a drama group or learning to dance? there are various hobbies that force you to get to know other people.

If it helps I used to have terrible insomnia from early childhood until I was about 18 (on a daily basis) and then I'd have it every so often for a few years after that. It was really because my mind was not calm and I'd have racing thoughts.

I don't think you're depressed, just very lonely. Its pretty normal to feel it's a struggle to actually go out and make friends when you feel lonely. Seems like so much hard work. I think the paranoia is also partly down to loneliness and a lack of regular intimate social contact. The effects of the drugs should wear off the longer you stay away from the stuff.
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Postby AA5 » Sat Jul 11, 2009 3:27 pm

alias_de_guerre wrote:Thank you so much for your reply, to be honest I think writing it all down has helped loads, I felt better afterwards and have been fine today, I've had a lot more energy.


That is GREAT news! I'm so happy to hear that!

alias_de_guerre wrote:I've just had a very, very hard couple of years, gaining skills in my new career (as a gas and heating engineer) has been very hard and stressful. I've worked so hard and am now pretty confident in my abilities, I should be happy with where I am right now but I think it has just worn me down.


'Burn-out' is what happens when too much effort - physical, mental or emotional - is exerted. Time to relax a bit and enjoy the fruits of your labour.

alias_de_guerre wrote:(I am a Thai boxer and have a fight coming up next weekend).


And here I was, suggesting you go for a walk... :lol: :oops:

alias_de_guerre wrote:(Now sometimes when I'm very tiered, depressed or intoxicated that uneasy feeling of paranoia resurfaces. ).


Well, you know what to do about that, don't you.... ?

Take care of yourself.
All the best.
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