My "Friend" owes me $150

Does your anger need some management? Helpful discussions to get you back in control.

Postby James1024 » Fri Jul 17, 2009 3:04 pm

3 months ago my friend of about 10 years came to me asking for $150 dollars to pay for court fees or else he would be in deep sh**. Since he was the first friend I made when I moved here in 4th grade, I considered him a good friend. I said yes, he said he'd pay me back in a month or so because he just got a job. Well 2 months went by. I started asking him for the money. He told me he still didnt have it. Eventually he started telling me he did have it and he was ready to pay me. But every time the actual "paydate" (there were many of them) came around he would have some excuse, like he was off fishing and he'd give it to me later. It really took me way to long to realize i was getting screwed. Since he lives with his mom, and I know her sort of well since we've been friends for so long, I threatened to call his mom and tell her about the situation. He said that his mom was in rehab and that he would beat my donkey if I called her in rehab. I think he is lying about this too but who knows. So last night he said he would drop it off in my mailbox. I figured this would be another good way to **** me over, and sure enough, no money in my mailbox. I asked him why i still dont have my money and he said, "dont even lie, I put it in there." So we've reached the end of the line now. I know he didnt put the money in the mailbox but he's gonna stick to his story no matter what. I'm not getting my money back. I feel I need to just let this go. Just thinking about it makes me so angry though. I trusted an old friend and he did this to me. Who can I trust now? I imagine he did this to me because he figured I wouldn't do anything about it, which is right. I won't do anything about it. Someone tell me im making the right decision in just letting this go.
James1024
New Member
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Sun May 10, 2009 8:21 pm

Postby blackcat99 » Fri Jul 17, 2009 7:24 pm

I think it's time to end this so-called friendship for good. How does that famous saying go? "Fool me once-shame on you. Fool me twice-shame on me." Good luck. I had a so-called friend like too many years ago. She didn't pay me back either. Then she had the nerve to call me a year later asking me to send her money because she was going to end up homeless if I didn't!!!!!! I laughed so hard when she called me. How stupid did she think I was? I think this was a very valuable life lesson that she learned that day.
blackcat99
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2009 6:57 pm

Postby Ade » Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:50 am

blackcat99 wrote:I think it's time to end this so-called friendship for good. How does that famous saying go? "Fool me once-shame on you. Fool me twice-shame on me." Good luck. I had a so-called friend like too many years ago. She didn't pay me back either. Then she had the nerve to call me a year later asking me to send her money because she was going to end up homeless if I didn't!!!!!! I laughed so hard when she called me. How stupid did she think I was? I think this was a very valuable life lesson that she learned that day.


I agree.

This type of so called friend is best left out of your life, but you can hold your head up high, you helped a friend when they needed you.

That friend not only let you down but lied and cheeted you as well, shame on him.
Ade
Junior Member
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2007 9:37 am
Location: UK

Postby InOne » Sun Jul 19, 2009 1:22 pm

Threaten to call the police, or threaten him personally, you can't let people like this get away with stuff!!!
InOne
Full Member
 
Posts: 182
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:09 pm

Postby James1024 » Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:04 am

Thats the thing, the police aren't going to do anything about it. It would just be my word versus his and theres no way either of us can prove anything. Taking him to a small claims court would cost more than what i'm disputing is mine. And again, he knows I'm not going to fight him so threatening him would be pointless. I really don't want to let him get away with this but I also really don't want to use violence which seems to be the only way I could get my money back at this point.
James1024
New Member
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Sun May 10, 2009 8:21 pm

Postby JAKJRF » Fri Jul 24, 2009 7:50 am

Hi James1024

You wrote, "I trusted an old friend and he did this to me. Who can I trust now?" Let me tell you that friends and money are a special case.

Good advice... Here's advice from a site I like Six Points of Advice If You're considering Loaning Money to a Friend. The author concludes, "Remember, a friendship whose value you can express in monetary terms isn't really a friendship at all, so don't try to inject a financial relationship in there. Just don't do it." Check out the author's advice.

An observation... In many cases, when a "friend" asks us for a loan, we are the last stop in a long line of refusals. And we best learn from the crowd in these things as taught to us in The Wisdom of Crowds: Why the Many Are Smarter Than the Few and How Collective Wisdom Shapes Business, Economies, Societies and Nations. The text teaches us that the aggregation of information in groups can result in decisions that are often better than could have been made by any single member of the group; well worth a read.

Tests of friendship... As in the observation above, indeed loaning money is not really a good test of friendship, for the needs that drove the request are rarely the last need. To wit, people and even nations are overdosing on debt and many can understand that paying back these "friend" loans are low priority. However it is the extra behaviors of your "old friend" that warns that he has changed; those 'threats to you', promotes him to the unfriendly, unsafe category. More, his "returning" the load to an unsecure mailbox is quite sophisticated and hints of more to come; the crowd rules here.

In sum...You wrote, "Someone tell me I'm making the right decision in just letting this go" and I join with others and tell you that in this special case, you are indeed making the right decision, in just letting this go.

I wish you good things.
JAKJRF
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1706
Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 12:39 am
Location: USA

Postby InOne » Fri Jul 24, 2009 11:12 pm

Well then, get it out of him by showing him who is boss, hurt him if he does not give you it, torture him, show him a side of you he never expected. Make him scared, make him beg. Get more than what you owe for what he has put you through, make him know what real pain and suffering is.
InOne
Full Member
 
Posts: 182
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:09 pm

Postby JAKJRF » Sat Aug 01, 2009 12:40 pm

Hi InOne

You wrote, "...showing him who is boss, hurt him if he does not give you it, torture him..." and end with, "make him know what real pain and suffering is". That is inappropriate and odd advice in an anger forum. What is the psychological cost of torture to James... And where does torture stop; does James take a life for $150 if that life continues to refuse to return the money.

You earlier wrote, "...you can't let people like this get away with stuff!!!" and why is that?
JAKJRF
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1706
Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 12:39 am
Location: USA

Postby InOne » Sun Aug 02, 2009 3:03 pm

Guess I was just a bit angry :D
InOne
Full Member
 
Posts: 182
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:09 pm

Postby James1024 » Mon Aug 17, 2009 9:18 pm

Guess you're in the right place InOne.

Well heres an update on the situation.

I still do not have my money back, I suspect I never will. But I confronted this dude (I won't refer to him as my friend ever again) and I think I really got to him. I've just been pestering him for the past month or so. Showed up at his work. When I talked to him in person, he was very amiable, as if he were my friend all over again. He tried to pull a guilt trip, "Man I screwed up. I owe a lot of people money. My mom is in rehab. I'm all by myself. I only have 50 dollars for the rest of the week to live off of. blah blah blah." Yeah right. So I realized that this dude thinks I'm stupid. I asked him why he keeps lying. He denies he lied. I give him several examples of how he has lied and he really has nothing to say to it. He apologizes for lying and says he'll get me my money. I should have known this was just another way for him to get me off his back... till the next time I come pestering him. That was maybe a month ago. I called him 2 days ago and he became very offensive, telling me to never call his house again and to stop blowing up his cell phone, to which I replied, "I'll never call you again if you just give me my money." He then says he's in south florida fishing with his friends. "What do you want me to do? Leave my friends and go out of my way to give you your money right now?" It became apparent that this guy was very good at making ME feel like was the one doing something wrong. So I asked him, "At which point did you start thinking that you're doing me a favor here? I was the one who did YOU the favor by lending you money. I went very far out of my way to lend you the money. Now you can go out of your way to pay me what is owed." I could tell I was getting to him because he started running out of his clever little excuses (he said the call was long distance and he had to go - on a cell phone?) and his tone was getting fragile. He then said, "you've changed man you're acting goofy." I told him that he's the one who changed. Then he hung up on me. Minutes later he texted me saying he didn't even have the money. I'm still very confused about why he is acting this way. He is either very desparate and in fact does not have any money to repay me, or this is all part of his scheme to steal 150 bucks from me. I'm leading toward the latter, because I've known him for a long time and if I was willing to lend him the 150 in the first place surely he would know that I am an understanding and reasonable person and that I would give him leeway in paying me back. Instead he went straight to "defensive mode" when I asked for my money back many months ago which leads me to believe he does have it and has no intention of giving it back. "Why?" is the question I'm asking myself. Why would anyone do something like this to anyone. Either way I'm not backing down. I won't use violence or threats. I'm just going to keep pestering and calling him. After a while $150 won't be worth the annoyance to him and he'll give it up. Thats my plan.
James1024
New Member
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Sun May 10, 2009 8:21 pm

Postby growingboy » Wed Aug 26, 2009 9:18 am

I agree with JAKJRF's main thrust here....

Loaning someone money is a business arrangement and if it is not documented/witnessed then there is no leverage to get the money back. Even if it was all you can do is report them to collections. That means that you are relying on your friends loyalty as motivation to pay you back. However, if a person has resorted to loaning money from a friend then they are probably in bad shape and will expect you to wait the longest because you are their friend. So it is not a clear cut test of friendship.

Then there is the wisdom of the crowd thing where the common denominator in all this is your friend not the whole world. There is a reason he can't find lenders.

So in short you made a mistake lending it to him in the first place and this was a pretty predictable result.

I would say that you should forget about the $150 and make the decision about your friendship independent of the loan. So let it go, either way.

I've been in the same situation but with about $1000, I regret that I was stubborn and lost my best friend for many years. We are friends again now but I missed his wedding and many good years.
growingboy
New Member
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2009 4:29 am

Postby kapitokrug » Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:47 pm

$150 lesson, always get it in writing.
kapitokrug
Full Member
 
Posts: 248
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2008 2:54 am
Location: New York

Postby Triarius » Mon Sep 14, 2009 3:54 pm

Money is one of those things that makes people do stupid things.

I could share plenty of stories - but basically once you "give" something - most people have no inclination to give back unless you force them - or if they actually have a sense of honor and dignity. Honor and dignity are apparently very rare in today's society.
Triarius
Super Member
 
Posts: 5126
Joined: Tue May 06, 2008 2:25 pm

Postby Craig M » Thu Dec 10, 2009 11:39 pm

Good luck getting your money. If you are using your anger to change the situation then it seems like the way to go. If it starts to get you frustrated and you start to feel like you're at war with this guy, I suggest you let it go. Peace of mind is worth incalculably more than money, any amount.
Craig M
Junior Member
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 4:26 pm
Location: Toronto, Canada

Postby HSHVDD » Fri Dec 11, 2009 3:40 am

That stuff about his mom is crap. Call her and tell her what a pile her son has been, he's obviously afraid of her. Hopefully he does attack you and you can press charges... make sure u keep all txts and messages of his to back up ur side of the story. If you have that conversation of him threatening you if you told his mom... ur golden.

I admire the way you've handled this so far by the way. I've never had a friend not willing to pay me back so I have no personal experience and if I did.. I wouldn't be as reasonable and intelligent as you have been
HSHVDD
New Member
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 6:04 am

Next



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Anger Management