Im tired of being used.....

Postby forallwhohavelost » Sun Aug 23, 2009 12:06 am

I moved out of home because my parents are alcoholics. They treated me really really bad. They ignored me until they wanted to yell and threaten me for anything. I learned to take care of myself and my own needs. They just stopped being parents. Im 19 now. And when i began to learn everything alone I was 15. I was so angry at them for it.

I have a boyfriend. He still lives at home because he is in college and he doesn't have the money to move yet. Well we have our own part of the house. Well he has 4 brothers and 1 sister. They are spoiled and loud. They don't clean up after them selves and they are disgusting.

Well since I have moved in with them it has been pure HELL! I am the maid. And they do whatever they want and say what they want. They make a mess and they leave it, I have to clean it up. I cook dinner. I do laundry. I babysit. I hate it. My boyfriend doesn't help with anything. He goes out with his buddies and hangs out everywhere until 4 in the morning or longer.
He sleeps all day and if I dont do something. Or I dont clean the whole house and do everything he gripes. He thinks I dont do anything and he just huff and puffs if I ask him to help.

I just want to freakin kill him and these kids. They do everything they want and I am so fed up. I cant go anywhere else. I cant go home because my parents forgot about me.

Help me. I don't know how to handle this. I dont know what to do. I want to kill em. My stress is through the freaking roof.
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Postby jurplesman » Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:15 am

What you need is an ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING COURSE. People with a low self-image find it difficult to be assertive Thus this may have to be the first step in being assertive.

Please study:
Summary of Self-help Pyschotherapy

in its entirety from beginning to end. It includes a program showing you how to overcome a negative self-image, and assertiveness training program, communication course and values clarification course.
You may require the help of a CBT counsellor to successfully complete this program.
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Postby samba101 » Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:44 pm

Okay your pretty much stuck in that situation, there will be no help and no one's going to help you.

Your only other option is to move out but financially you might not be able to.

Hard I know but the only alternative is to cook for yourself, clean your areas and your clothes only and let everyone fend for themselves, may seem selfish but that's the only way to stay sane. And as for your boyfriend just tell him once you start to see improvement from his side you might be willing to do something about it.
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Postby growingboy » Wed Aug 26, 2009 9:04 am

I have the same problem, doormat syndrome.

Since there is low self esteem you are not assertive enough and get bullied. Stand up to the bullies in some way, such as not cleaning up after them.

Talk to your partner about his activities and let him know that you don't appreciate them. Then negotiate some new agreements with everyone, like you will not cook unless everyone does their share. If they want to eat then they will come around. Something along those lines.

I really also think that you could use these difficult circumstances as an opportunity to improve your perspective and grow into a more positive person. You can change your perspective with cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation or self hypnosis. Kind of work toward seeing how trivial things are and accepting things that are outside your control while being assertive about the things you think you can change.
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Postby HSHVDD » Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:57 am

Do you work? Save up your money so you can find a place and live with a friend. i don't think its a good idea to be dependent on your boyfriend for housing... it should be a mutually dependent situation. As of now though you just became his second mom.. cleaning up after him, taking care of his crap, cooking, etc etc. so stop cleaning up after him, clear out an area just for urself, try to find things to keep you busy and out of the house, and cope as best u can till u get the hell out of there

---oops didn't realize how old this post was... hopefully the OP can give us an update though on the situatioN?
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