Anger towards mother

Postby yoghurtraisin56 » Wed Jan 27, 2010 8:09 pm

Hi

Sorry but I wanted some advice as something triggered another feeling of anger towards my mother.

I'm 35 (which is why I think is a little inappropriate) but I have feelings of anger towards my mum often or most of the time. It has got worse since I had an eating disorder (I've recovered now) and since she has become a grandmother. She knew that I was jealous (and yes I admit it) when her grandchildren were born but she seems to enjoy making me know that I have no right to be. She makes a huge effort to see my brother and his children but very little effort now to see me. I just found out that she has invited them to hers for her birthday but won't bother to invite me until after she has confirmed with them. I am always second best. I am worried that I am being spoilt, childish etc because these are the words she would describe me as, but underneath I feel hurt. I find her everything revolves around her needs, and never mine. Please could anyone advise? I am experiencing issues in my relationship as well so maybe I'm just depressed. But my anger towards her is overwhelming and destructive ultimately. Already I am thinking "if I have children, she won't make as much effort with mine" which is true. Not sure what to do. Sorry for ranting like this.
yoghurtraisin56
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#1

Postby jurplesman » Thu Jan 28, 2010 2:13 am

Hi yoghurtraisin56,

This is not easy to answer if you yourself don't know why you are angry with your mother. Having had an an eating disorder, may mean that you may still have problems with your mood.

I would guess that your mother has concerns about you and does not understand your moods and how to deal with you. If you still suffer from mood disorders I suggest you read:

Depression is a Nutritional Disorder

The most common silent disease resulting in depression is hypoglycemia. Most people feel better if they adopt the Hypoglycemic Diet. However if problems persist I suggest you ask your doctor to be referred to a Nutritional Doctor, Clinical Nutritionist or a Nutritional Psychologist, for further tests and diagnosis and treatment.
Also use our "Search Our Web Site" for more articles and information on topics that you may be interested in.
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#2

Postby Triarius » Thu Jan 28, 2010 3:24 pm

It's okay to be angry with a parent if they treat you unfairly. They are humans just like every one else.
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#3

Postby redrover » Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:16 pm

yoghurtraisin56 wrote:Hi

....She knew that I was jealous (and yes I admit it) when her grandchildren were born but she seems to enjoy making me know that I have no right to be. She makes a huge effort to see my brother and his children but very little effort now to see me. I just found out that she has invited them to hers for her birthday but won't bother to invite me until after she has confirmed with them. I am always second best. ...


Well it sounds like you have a right to be angry. I think the eating disorder complicates things.....Is your eating disorder recent or have you been struggling since you were younger?

In terms of dealing with your anger, one trick that worked for me was writing "I'm angry because...." and then writing all the reasons why you're angry, uncensored. It's cathartic. And it can reveal some interesting things as well.
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#4

Postby RON WEISS » Tue Feb 16, 2010 6:22 am

Understand three basic points :

1) you can't change your mom. Love or hate her, she still is your mom. Despite her mistakes and misgivings she stuck with your dad to keep your family together. Rightly or wrongly I can't say.

2) You can only control your response to when she "release your chain". You are an adult, in full control of your emotions and life. Take charge of your emotions. Sometimes this means to swallow that retort. Consider this good training for when you get married and have kids.

3) There are no instructions for raising kids. Each of us parents our children to the best of our limited ways within the context of our societal and emotional framework.

Learn Anger Management , this is it .


Sincerely Yours,

Ron Weiss Counseling
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