why does no one like me?

Postby kxy » Sat Jan 30, 2010 12:46 am

hi everybody.
i always feel that no one likes me. i know it is a stupid idea, but i do have really low self esteem and confidence. except for few (1 or 2), i virtually have no friends at school... i'd like to get friends but my problem is when i speak to other people i don't know well, I can't think of anything I could say to them and I get tangled up with words (btw, my first language is not English, i also feel that others will laugh at my English), but when i speak to people i know very well, i don't have the problem.
because i am too shy to speak, i feel no one likes me, no one wants to be friends with me and im afraid that i will be alone for my entire life!!
i tried to think of the bright side of everything but it doesn't work at all. subconsciously, feel i am not worth for others to be my friends, i am a loser, i am not likeable
Can anyone tell me what to do to change my situation, to boost the self confidence? thank you very much
kxy
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#1

Postby redrover » Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:19 pm

Based on what you've written below, it seems like you have a good command of English. I've known plenty of friends with "accents' because their first language wasn't English and I didn't mind being their friend.

Perhaps you can join a club or sport as a way to meet new people? Don't worry about making friends at first. Just get to know a few people and try to help out....

"because i am too shy to speak" - Regarding your feelings of inadequacy, you can always talk to a therapist too. And you can try putting yourself in situations where you will be forced to speak (e.g., debate team).....
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#2

Postby jangama7 » Tue Feb 02, 2010 4:28 pm

First, you are not going to be alone for your entire life.

It is messed up that people don't appreciate you. They are probably so busy they haven't been able to see the real you. Many people get so caught up in their own lives and struggles that they don't notice other people. It's a sad tragedy, because they are missing out, and you are missing out. Don't let bad circumstances rob you and them of what might be. There isn't anything wrong with you, it's all about the situation. Sometimes situations are hard to change.

You have to find what you're good at. It's probably something you enjoy. And then you need to make your life's work as much about that thing or things as you possibly can. It's about becoming a fish in the pond you were born for. There's so much pressure for us all to just start swimming, even if we're in the wrong water, or going in the wrong direction.

You are comfortable around your friends, because when you're with them, you can finally be the REAL you. Make friends like that, and keep as many friends like that as you can.

The key to your happiness is to find what you are really good at. Don't focus on trying to make your weaknesses into strenghts. Michael Jordan might have been terrible at Math or History...does that mean he should have focused on trying to become better at that since he was already a pretty good basketball player normally? Allow yourself to have some imperfections because everybody has them. Focus on strenghtening the things you are already strong at. If you are great at the Violin, if you've always just felt at home with that instrument, play it for the rest of your life as often as you can and make it your career. If your gift is in computers...major in computer science. Plan to continue down a path that will lead you closer and closer to the life you want. Once you go far enough, you fill find that you spend time doing something you are gifted at, and that other people finally have an easier time seeing the real you. And you will have an easier time seeing how cool and talented and useful and important you actually are. The world needs you, give the world your best at whatever you're best at. (and be prepared to work very very hard, because that's what it will take) :)
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#3

Postby studentofthegame » Wed Feb 03, 2010 12:00 am

don't mean this to be rude but people don't respect someone who doesn't respect themselves. what i mean is the more you build your self-esteem and confidence the better. you can do this without the approval of others, and once you feel better about yourself other people will feel better about you.
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#4

Postby samba101 » Wed Feb 03, 2010 11:15 pm

Take baby steps I have the same problem due to low self esteem as well.

Just let it happen naturally and talk about things you are comfortable with, you might not say much to begin which is fine. I've found the more you talk to people the more you will have to say. I've noticed that I"m more comfortable with people who hold the conversation and are natural talkers, seems to take the pressure off me.

I listen to my boss and he seems to have a natural flair talking to people, from that I kind of sussed out how you start a conversation, I still have plenty to learn but it's a start.

The key is to actually liking someone to begin with, that can lead to inviting them out to go somewhere, I've invited 3 people out for a coffee and realised that sometimes you need to take a step out of your comfort zone to get somewhere.

As for low self esteem I really don't have any suggestions there since I'm stuck on that at the moment.

Hope this helps.
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