Depression->Psychopathy

Postby jt155 » Sat Mar 13, 2010 2:51 am

Is there any way that depression can evolve into psychopathy or something worse? I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was 12 because of my grandfather dying he being my role model, friend, grandfather, and dad; and later my parents divorcing after years of fighting and physical abuse for my bad grades in school. I was alone and had nobody to talk to so i just kind of drowned in my depression changing me completely. "Friends" from school distanced themselves from me because of my depressive behavior and not talking. And my family was too busy dealing with the divorce situation to notice what was happening to me. At 14 I tried to kill myself with pills but ended up throwing up all of them in the middle of the night and later feeling like crap the rest of the day. When I told my mom what happened she laughed and said I was being stupid. After that I tried to run away and after wondering around for 6 hours I just came back home and talked to my parents about killing myself. They finally starting worrying after some more erratic behavior and even worse grades and took me to a psychologist and psychiatrist and went through countless treatments and medications for a year, I even got admitted into a psychiatric hospital. I became so tired of all that psychology crap that I just pretended to be "cured", even though I was still drowning in severe depression until it became a part of me and my personality. I just tried to live with it barely getting through high school because of grades and failing to make any friends miserably because I couldn't connect or just didn't care. My bad grades weren't because I was stupid it was because I was just indifferent about it. After high school I went to college and it was the worst, everybody looked so happy and determined to get through their classes and and meet new people and I just did't feel it. I felt like an ghost, i felt numb. I dropped out and have been living in my mom's house and I'm going to try college again, maybe a smaller one cause I gotta do SOMETHING. Can't stay here doing nothing.

So now that you know my story back to my question. Is it possible that my depression has evolved into psychopathy? It has been many years since it started, I am currently in my 20s. Is there a way to know if I'm a psychopath? I don't feel anything anymore, I just feel numb. I don't feel love for my family, I pretend to love them because they give me food and shelter but that's about it. I'm writing this because I am scared of who I have become, of what I could do, of not feeling anything. I'm tired of pretending, of being numb, of being alone. I still don't have friends because I'm "too boring". Everyday is like I'm an actor trying to get through as a character in a movie. Is there a test of something to know why I am this way? Could somebody tell me anything?
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#1

Postby jurplesman » Sat Mar 13, 2010 3:23 am

Psychopathy really means having a mental illness, and being depressed is a form of mental illness.
I can see that you have experienced that conventional treatment for depression has not worked for you and the reason could be that they may have overlooked that depression is really a nutritional disorder, that can be treated without drugs or even talk therapy by nutritional means.
Once you understand the underlying mechanism that causes some people to be depressed you should be in a position to treat yourself by going on the Hypoglycemic Diet. The fact that you had or have an unhappy relationship with your parents and your parents difficulties indicate to me that perhaps your parents also may have the same metabolic disorder that you suffer from. Remember your problem do not lie in the past, but your body's ill-health in the here-and-now that is the problem. Please read:

Depression is a Nutritional Disorder
Depression is a Disease of Energy Production
Silent Diseases and Mood Disorders
Conquering Anxiety, Depression and Fatigue without drugs - The Role of Hypoglycemia by Prof Joel H Levitt

The most common silent disease resulting in depression is hypoglycemia. Most people feel better if they adopt the Hypoglycemic Diet. This diet should show its beneficial results in about three months, but if you have been using drugs - legal or illegal - it may take up to a year for a high protein diet to repair the damage to receptors for neurotransmitters. However, if problems persist I suggest you ask your doctor to be referred to a Nutritional Doctor, Clinical Nutritionist or a Nutritional Psychologist, for further tests and diagnosis and treatment.
Also use our " Search Our Web Site" for more articles and information on topics that you may be interested in.
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#2

Postby mr.mental » Sat Mar 13, 2010 6:46 am

Hey Jt

I have suffered from severe depression and I can identify with some of your experiences. I have had many violent thoughts and episodes in the past, but for a couple of years or so now it has stabilized. I think depression can lead to psychopathy - especially in males.

Do you ever have violent feelings or thoughts? (Fantasies about causing strangers harm etc.) Are they common? You mention that you feel little emotion at all, but this could also be a symptom attached to depression. Or it could be some masking mechanism. Do you find that you have little empathy for strangers you encounter?

I think the answer to your question, is yes, depression can fuel someone with a psychopathic predisposition. But the fact that you have come here to the forum shows that you are open minded about change.

There are tests out there to judge this sort of thing. The most direct way would be to see a psychiatrist, but of course you've been there and done that. (But perhaps you should tell them about your increasing lack of emotion or empathy?)

Otherwise have a look into these areas, or do some research into:

TAT (Thematic Apperception Test)
Rorschach ink blot test
Projective testing
Bogardus SDS
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#3

Postby Kat M. » Sat Mar 13, 2010 11:15 am

May I suggest something?

What if you change the questions you ask yourself?

Asking questions like 'Why I am this way? 'Am I psychopath?' is going to drive you insane! I tried that!

You understand your past and your present so well. You are so bright!

You had a lot during your childhood. Now, your childhood is over. Now it's up to you....except that you no longer able to feel....to connect with your heart and soul....to be interested in people....to show them love, compassion and kindness...

You're trying to defend yourself by saying 'I don't have friend because I am boring!', but you are not boring! You are not available!

You are a marvellous human being, who had a lot in the past and developed some coping strategies that no longer useful. Time to focus on healing!!!

Maybe it's time to ask: 'How can I reconnect with people?' 'How can I live with my heart?' 'What if I start giving to others?'

What do you want to study? What do you want to do as a job?

You don't need more labels to put on yourself! Making depression your identity was enough to wreck your spirit! Do whatever it takes to heal! Reclaim yourself back!

Sorry for being so straight. I really feel for you and I know what you are going through.

Lots of hugs,

Kat M.
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#4

Postby jt155 » Sat Mar 13, 2010 4:09 pm

mr.mental wrote:Hey Jt

I have suffered from severe depression and I can identify with some of your experiences. I have had many violent thoughts and episodes in the past, but for a couple of years or so now it has stabilized. I think depression can lead to psychopathy - especially in males.

Do you ever have violent feelings or thoughts? (Fantasies about causing strangers harm etc.) Are they common? You mention that you feel little emotion at all, but this could also be a symptom attached to depression. Or it could be some masking mechanism. Do you find that you have little empathy for strangers you encounter?

I think the answer to your question, is yes, depression can fuel someone with a psychopathic predisposition. But the fact that you have come here to the forum shows that you are open minded about change.

There are tests out there to judge this sort of thing. The most direct way would be to see a psychiatrist, but of course you've been there and done that. (But perhaps you should tell them about your increasing lack of emotion or empathy?)

Otherwise have a look into these areas, or do some research into:

TAT (Thematic Apperception Test)
Rorschach ink blot test
Projective testing
Bogardus SDS


I have had violent feelings and thoughts, even more in the past when it started. So much that I even got scared of myself. They are not so frequent nowadays though, I try to distract myself with mundane things.
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#5

Postby jt155 » Sat Mar 13, 2010 4:17 pm

Kat M. wrote:May I suggest something?

What if you change the questions you ask yourself?

Asking questions like 'Why I am this way? 'Am I psychopath?' is going to drive you insane! I tried that!

You understand your past and your present so well. You are so bright!

You had a lot during your childhood. Now, your childhood is over. Now it's up to you....except that you no longer able to feel....to connect with your heart and soul....to be interested in people....to show them love, compassion and kindness...

You're trying to defend yourself by saying 'I don't have friend because I am boring!', but you are not boring! You are not available!

You are a marvellous human being, who had a lot in the past and developed some coping strategies that no longer useful. Time to focus on healing!!!

Maybe it's time to ask: 'How can I reconnect with people?' 'How can I live with my heart?' 'What if I start giving to others?'

What do you want to study? What do you want to do as a job?

You don't need more labels to put on yourself! Making depression your identity was enough to wreck your spirit! Do whatever it takes to heal! Reclaim yourself back!

Sorry for being so straight. I really feel for you and I know what you are going through.

Lots of hugs,

Kat M.


Thanks for trying to help.
But it isn't easy trying to connect with people when feelings like love or empathy are just not there. And when people try to talk to me and say something expecting an expression or emotion and it's not there.
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#6

Postby Kat M. » Sat Mar 13, 2010 5:17 pm

I did not say it is easy! It is not! What other options do you have?

Sometimes (not always) we choose to stay depressed. Before everyone starts screaming at me: 'Are you mad? Who would choose something you won't wish upon your worst enemy?'...I've been depressed for a long time. I know from my own experience that it might be so. Read my blog post at LiftMyDepression dot com

Recovery is not easy, it is like a jigsaw puzzle....you have to put all the pieces together to see the full picture. The trick is that you remember one picture, but the jigsaw pieces you have in front of you now are from a different set. You don't know what exactly you are doing, you need lots of patience and trust!

I wouldn't expect you to become open, smiley, outgoing and compassionate overnight, that's unlikely to happen. But when you start asking a 'How' question, you can start taking baby steps...one at a time. Sometimes you get a few steps back, but it's ok, as long as you keep moving forward...Small, baby steps...one jigsaw piece at at time...

Lots of hugs,

Kat
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#7

Postby Annie7788 » Sat Mar 13, 2010 11:59 pm

Maybe you meant to ask whether depression can lead to psychosis. In which case I reckon the answer is "it depends". In most cases it doesn't but it depends on other factors and on the type of depression (e.g. if bipolar then yes it can). But being lonely and misunderstood and feeling like a social misfit because of missing vital socialisation during formative years can also lead to psychosis in sensitive and sociable individuals.

But I don't believe depression leads to someone becoming a psychopath, unless they already had psychopathic tendencies. A psychopath would not have developed such a strong attachment as the one you had with your grandfather. A psychopath would not have felt anything when he died. Most psychopaths are not depressed. They are usually reasonably content. Just the people around psychopaths become depressed because of the effects of their behaviour. Being out of touch with your emotions does not make you a psychopath.

Sounds like you had a major trauma at a vital developmental stage and the effects were not managed very well. You had little support from your family and the medical professional treatment you received was inadequate. Don't totally write off the psychological profession. There are people out there who can help you deal with this. You just need to find the right person. I think you need to relearn who you really are and get back in touch with your emotions.

I think when we have a trauma we go into a state of emotional shock, and enter an emergency state of being where only the basics remain in place and we go through the motions of living without really participating. If that happens at such an early age then it can be difficult to remember what life was like before. So you have some catching up to do. CBT with someone who knows what they are doing, can help you with that. It can help you open up your emotions again and help you find a way to the real world where you can be one of the people who is smiling and carefree. Youve been living in this emergency numb state for far too long so I think you really need someone to help you back into a more relaxed way of thinking.

It sounds as though you have some inner strength because you managed to make an effort to act as though everything was ok and to try to get through school. So I think you are more resourceful and capable of getting along than you think. You just need some help in taking that step from where you are now to where you would like to be and the main obstacle to that seems to be your current lack of connection to your emotions. You can use that same strength that has helped you cope and focus it on the mission to open up your emotional side again.
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#8

Postby dextermorgan » Sun May 09, 2010 10:40 pm

Hi mate

its a common thing these days, I grew up with my sister and mother after age7, my dad was busy playing rugby and my mother is not a role model, i could go on about her for days, she was violent to her children but now im 33, I can take her!! joking. she has real problems, ( no friends for one and very materialistic ) etc etc...
I have a problem that i only noticed in my early 20's.
I have thought about killing people but only in fantasy, due to reading serial killer books from the age of 10 I hope!
when I get depressed DUE to drugs and lack of direction, money, education and most of all diet, not eating!!! I tend to think bad sh**, Im sure im doing this to try and block out the depression, i cant handle stress to well either.
I dont get on with many people as i think they are the callus ones or users or just stupid for this I get called callus by mom also ( a dissapointment, an embarasment to family, i smell etc etc ) , im also paranoid and intuitive and sometime confuse the 2!
i also have father issues as i didnt really have one and dont remeber much interaction with him which must mean that he didnt do much with me as a child.
I have thretened to jump out of windows, factory roof tops blah blah as a small child and this was put down to being spoiled. spoiled is another word for neglected used by parents to convince themselves of being over nice to children!
I was interfered with by my 2 babysitters as a child (2 girls) which had me acting strangly with girls younger than me as a child which now haunts me plus i sort of kissed a boy next door who was younger 3 yrs open mouthed, I stopped instantly as it was as i figured it was not for me, plus i didnt know WTF i was doing, maybe exploring, ( not ruling gay out but i like women )
my mother left allot of porno under her bed and videos too so I was glued to it every chance i got.
Im a classic messed up individual and i have good days and bad days like everyone, but what keeps me sane'ish is hobbies and trying to educate myself, never to late and it feels great when you finnally understand something you ounce could not plus plenty of good food and a plan.
Im a total loner by choice cause i alienate people and talk too much or advise plus im anxios all the time and sometimes very nervous around crowds

i dont think your a danger to anyone but yourself my friend, like me.
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