its a common thing these days, I grew up with my sister and mother after age7, my dad was busy playing rugby and my mother is not a role model, i could go on about her for days, she was violent to her children but now im 33, I can take her!! joking. she has real problems, ( no friends for one and very materialistic ) etc etc...
I have a problem that i only noticed in my early 20's.
I have thought about killing people but only in fantasy, due to reading serial killer books from the age of 10 I hope!
when I get depressed DUE to drugs and lack of direction, money, education and most of all diet, not eating!!! I tend to think bad sh**, Im sure im doing this to try and block out the depression, i cant handle stress to well either.
I dont get on with many people as i think they are the callus ones or users or just stupid for this I get called callus by mom also ( a dissapointment, an embarasment to family, i smell etc etc ) , im also paranoid and intuitive and sometime confuse the 2!
i also have father issues as i didnt really have one and dont remeber much interaction with him which must mean that he didnt do much with me as a child.
I have thretened to jump out of windows, factory roof tops blah blah as a small child and this was put down to being spoiled. spoiled is another word for neglected used by parents to convince themselves of being over nice to children!
I was interfered with by my 2 babysitters as a child (2 girls) which had me acting strangly with girls younger than me as a child which now haunts me plus i sort of kissed a boy next door who was younger 3 yrs open mouthed, I stopped instantly as it was as i figured it was not for me, plus i didnt know WTF i was doing, maybe exploring, ( not ruling gay out but i like women )
my mother left allot of porno under her bed and videos too so I was glued to it every chance i got.
Im a classic messed up individual and i have good days and bad days like everyone, but what keeps me sane'ish is hobbies and trying to educate myself, never to late and it feels great when you finnally understand something you ounce could not plus plenty of good food and a plan.
Im a total loner by choice cause i alienate people and talk too much or advise plus im anxios all the time and sometimes very nervous around crowds
i dont think your a danger to anyone but yourself my friend, like me.