Home

CDs & DVDs

Free Articles

Training

Self Help

Newsletter

Blog

Forum
Psychology forum home -> Depression -> I feel like people don't care about me and I don't matter. This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.

I feel like people don't care about me and I don't matter.


Connect with Uncommon Knowledge

Depression Resources

 
Free Depression Learning Path

How Depression Works

Post-natal Depression (article)

Depression and Anxiety, the link (article)

Depression Recovery Program

Treating Depression with Hypnosis (ebook)

Storytelling CD

Discussion Forums


   Psychology

   Depression

   Anxiety and Panic Attacks

   Anger Management

   Addictions

   Eating Disorders

   Public Speaking

   Workplace Psychology

   Self Esteem and Confidence

   Relationships

   Hypnosis

   Practitioners' Lounge

   Emotional Intelligence

   Light Lounge

 


Bookmark and Share



 
Author Thread
maddawg579
New Member


Joined: 08 May 2010
Posts: 4

Post Sat May 08, 2010 5:07 am

I feel like people don't care about me and I don't matter.    Reply with quote  

First, a little background...
I'm 18 years old, and I live at home with my parents at the moment. I'll be going to college in a few months. I was brought up in a functional family without anything wrong. No divorces, no abuse. Just a normal, boring family. I've never had a girlfriend or anything close. It's not that I'm weird or unattractive. I'm pretty normal, and I'd say I'm average looking at best (maybe a little short, being only 5'7"). I have friends, some close, most are just "school friends".

Here's my problem...
I've been doing some thinking recently, and I've realized that, 1) I'm not good at anything. And, 2) I'm kind of an afterthought for most people.

1) I'm not good at anything:
When I think of my friends, they all have one thing in common that I don't: they're all good at something and excel at it. I'm not like this. I'm mediocre at everything I do. I don't get amazing grades, I'm not a great athlete, I'm not great with girls, I don't have any natural talents... you get it. This has me wondering what my life is going to be like in the future if I'm just average (or worse) at everything. How am I supposed to succeed if I don't stand out?

2) I'm an afterthought:
All of my friends are always doing something. Whether it's going out to lunch after school, going swimming at someone's house, going to the movies, or just hanging out in general. I'm never invited. If I want to hang out with people, I have to ask people if they want to, and they're always busy. I have three close friends, two of which go to a different school. One has a girlfriend and is always with her. The other two spend their time with people at their other school. So I'm always left alone. Even my younger brother is always doing something while I'm sitting at home alone. I have to make up excuses all the time about why I'm home alone on a Friday night so I don't seem so pathetic.

I'm not sure what to do with myself. I don't want to tell my parents because my whole life has been about independence and self relience. I'd feel like a helpless loser if I went and started complaining about my problems to them. I even feel very weak and pathetic for posting here. I feel like I should be able to solve my issues on my own without whining to people about them.

I'm at a loss. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself while my fiends are out and having fun. I just don't know how to stop feeling like this. Please help...
  
TheUnknown
New Member


Joined: 06 May 2010
Posts: 13

Post Sat May 08, 2010 11:24 am

   Reply with quote  

Hi Maddawg, nice to meet ya,
Your first problem is that you are not willing to talk to anyone close about how your feeling, if your family life is void of bad things i would say its perfect, so go talk to mom and dad, they have been here much longer and will have ideas of how to improve things, you may not agree with them, but you will have other angles to look at.
You say that you do not feel you excell at anything and are kinda middle of the road, well i disagree, firstly you have the ability to convey what you feel in your message, this has been done very well, and easy to understand. secondly, you are obviously a person who can achieve, you say that you are 'pretty normal' in order to be able to say this you must have achieved the ability to grade yourself amongst others and give a comparison, unbelievably, a large percentage of people do not posees this ability and feel that they are either 'gods gift' or 'a dog', as to being an after thought, now thats simply a fact that in many cases peoples lives are running at different paces and in different directions, it doesnt make you any less important, or an afterthought, just that whatever they are doing may be , in their mind, more suited to the present company and not with others. Would you invite yor friends to every activity that you do in order to stop them feeling left out?
Dont feel weak, or pathetic, for being human. you have as much strength, and as much worth as anyone you know or will know in the future, i have a feeling that you are going to find life much more positive very soon, and as many do, you will find where you excell, an example of this is my friend, he was never really the 'popular' one, and seemed to be lower than average in learning, when he reached 23 (a few years ago now) he decided that life wasnt what he wanted it to be and set about rebuilding it. in 2 years he had built his own electronics business, had amassed a large group of people who classed him to be a friend and worth knowing, gained a wife and soon after a baby boy. If he can do it than anyone can.

Talk to your parents, they wont think you are weak, they are more likely to realise that you are becoming a stronger person. To talk to others without fear of ridicule gains more respect than you could imagine, it is more likely that they are noticing how you are feeling and not mentioning it because they dont think you can take the advice, especially if you are intentionaly avoiding doing it.
You have mad ethe first step by talking on here about it, thats stronger than you think, there could be as many as 10,000 you have now spoken to, not just the 2 at home. Go talk and let the ones who really know you help you to put this all behind you, then you can progress to be the person you want to be.

i wish you the best in your future and all you do.
maddawg579
New Member


Joined: 08 May 2010
Posts: 4

Post Sat May 08, 2010 6:07 pm

   Reply with quote  

Thank you Unknown, that helps.
But I'm still not comfortable talking to my parents about these problems yet. Don't get me wrong, my parents would never judge me or think less of me. This is more of my own problem. I've never, never talked about my problems to people before. Ever. I've always been the type of person to bottle up my emotions and create a facade when people are around if I'm not feeling too great. I know it's unhealthy, but it's all I know how to do. Talking to people about my emotions is completely foreign to me. I know I will feel weak and like less of a "man" (for lack of a better term) if I start talking about my emotions.

But last night and today are perfect examples of my problem.
Last night, my friend spent time with this girlfriend as usual. My other two friends went to see Iron Man 2 with their friends from their school. When I first asked what they were doing later, they said "Oh we're seeing Iron Man 2 with some other people". They didn't even bother inviting me.

And today, two of my other close friends are going to the lake. One I've know for about a year, and she's probably my closest girl friend. The other I've known for two years and she's not far off. They're asking all these people to go, and I bet you I wasn't even considered.

I know I sound like a whiney kid who wants everyone to feel bad for him. I hate that more than anything, trust me. But I feel like I need to get this off my chest, but I can't talk to my parents at this point.
Maybe these people aren't as much of my friends as I thought they were...
kipipeo
New Member


Joined: 22 Dec 2009
Posts: 14

Post Sun May 09, 2010 6:43 pm

   Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by maddawg579
Thank you Unknown, that helps.
But I'm still not comfortable talking to my parents about these problems yet. Don't get me wrong, my parents would never judge me or think less of me. This is more of my own problem. I've never, never talked about my problems to people before. Ever. I've always been the type of person to bottle up my emotions and create a facade when people are around if I'm not feeling too great. I know it's unhealthy, but it's all I know how to do. Talking to people about my emotions is completely foreign to me. I know I will feel weak and like less of a "man" (for lack of a better term) if I start talking about my emotions.

But last night and today are perfect examples of my problem.
Last night, my friend spent time with this girlfriend as usual. My other two friends went to see Iron Man 2 with their friends from their school. When I first asked what they were doing later, they said "Oh we're seeing Iron Man 2 with some other people". They didn't even bother inviting me.

And today, two of my other close friends are going to the lake. One I've know for about a year, and she's probably my closest girl friend. The other I've known for two years and she's not far off. They're asking all these people to go, and I bet you I wasn't even considered.

I know I sound like a whiney kid who wants everyone to feel bad for him. I hate that more than anything, trust me. But I feel like I need to get this off my chest, but I can't talk to my parents at this point.
Maybe these people aren't as much of my friends as I thought they were...


I've had friends like the ones you describe and to be honest, they've never changed. There are some people that are just inconsiderate like that - not deliberately, but because they are just missing some part of themselves like empathy or something. I've kind of let friendships like that go- not in any big dramatic way, but I tend to only contact them if they contact me, and don't consider them to be close. This way I don't get as hurt when they do something thoughtless or hurtful. It's not much of a solution since my social life has taken a hit because of it, but I still think it's better to get rid of negative influences than to keep chasing them. You deserve better friends!
maddawg579
New Member


Joined: 08 May 2010
Posts: 4

Post Sun May 09, 2010 11:28 pm

   Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by kipipeo
I've had friends like the ones you describe and to be honest, they've never changed. There are some people that are just inconsiderate like that - not deliberately, but because they are just missing some part of themselves like empathy or something. I've kind of let friendships like that go- not in any big dramatic way, but I tend to only contact them if they contact me, and don't consider them to be close. This way I don't get as hurt when they do something thoughtless or hurtful. It's not much of a solution since my social life has taken a hit because of it, but I still think it's better to get rid of negative influences than to keep chasing them. You deserve better friends!


Yeah, but see, that's the problem. I feel like the only thing that's keeping me from losing it at this point is my social life. I do have one, but it's not anything like my friends' or my brother's. Almost every Friday night consists of me sitting at my computer or watching TV. I feel like those are just things I use to distract myself from my own self-pity. And I don't have very many distractions left.

If I let friends go, I'll feel even more lonely. That can't possibly help. But when I try to do things with people, things rarely happen.
Reinhardt
New Member


Joined: 27 Jan 2010
Posts: 17

Post Tue May 11, 2010 5:02 pm

   Reply with quote  

About the "I'm not good at anything" part
The skill is 1% talent and 99% hard work.
You can be good at whatever you want. The only thing is that you must utterly love doing it and never give up.
Sunshine2
New Member


Joined: 19 May 2010
Posts: 1

Post Wed May 19, 2010 4:04 pm

   Reply with quote  

maddawg579 - I used to pick friends who didn't have time for me. It was a weird thing I did subconsciously from being in a family where I was ignored. To be part of a friendship where I was valued didn't feel comfortable even though I really wanted that!

My suggestion is to experiment with trying to make some new friends and be aware of what their personalities are like so you don't pick the same type of people. But even if you do, DON'T be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you don't have the same interests as the "friends" you currently have anyway, even though some of the things they do are fun.

Also, as the previous posts have mentioned, you do have talent. Some people have talent that's in your face like being athletic or artistic for example. Other talent like intelligence, being perceptive, intuitive are more subtle but no less valuable. It's about valueing who you are. Sometimes it's all about the journey to discover who we are and what makes us unique. You are here in this world for a reason. Trust that.

My suggestion is to find two things you are interested in and then look for other people who like those things too. Find a group that's doing what you like. Maybe it's a club at school or an association or even starting with an online group can give you the confidence to do it in person. A club in college can easily put you with like minded people. I love the movie Mulan. At the end, the Dad is talking to Mulan and shows her how the flower that blooms last is the most beautiful of all - I know you're a guy, but maybe you're just a late bloomer. Keep at it, you'll find what's right for you.

And I agree with a previous post that they don't sound like good friends if they constantly leave you out. Give yourself credit for atleast knowing a number of people. Just because a different set of friends would be better for you and you're talking about it does NOT make you a loser, a whiner or pathetic. You're human. If my friends did that to me, it would hurt my feelings.

Don't ever give up, you are worth fighting for!! Good luck in college. It's a lot different than high school - not as clickish.
teenmama90
Junior Member


Joined: 15 May 2010
Posts: 35

Post Thu May 20, 2010 5:24 am

   Reply with quote  

I have a best friend who is in the exact same shoes at you.
Hard to find friends.
Non-invite her places, she has to ask
a stable family
usually alone at home

instead of worrying about other peoples lives, just worry about your own.
find a hobby to distract your self, study extra hard in a certain major, become the best now and when ur older, u will be better than everyone.

im alone to pretty much, so i take the time to study so when im older ill be rich ha

make a goal
Mr_Foster
New Member


Joined: 21 May 2010
Posts: 2

Post Fri May 21, 2010 8:59 pm

   Reply with quote  

Hiya maddawg! My advice is going to sound foolish and otherwise..er..stupid but i beg you to try it. if your friends do usually not invite you to places or activities of any slick then...well...invite yourself! for instance i'll give an example:

Dawg-hey fellas! watcha doin to night?
Fella1- Oh we're going to see a movie with some friends
Dawg-Oh with who?
Fella1- well me and Fella2 were gonna go with Fella3 and Fella5
Dawg-Sounds cool mind if i come? i'm not busy

and so thats what you would say.it sounds stupid yea, it alos sounds like im making fun of you...i am NOT. i truly honestly cross my heart and hope to die want to help you! please reply or send message back if i offended you.
Thanks
~Foster
maddawg579
New Member


Joined: 08 May 2010
Posts: 4

Post Wed May 26, 2010 6:09 am

   Reply with quote  

Thanks for the help guys.
I've been feeling a lot better lately. I've been making an effort to actually see what people are doing and letting them know I'm available, like you said Foster. I can see now that they aren't deliberately trying to avoid me or anything, they just don't think to invite me to everything. I guess that's better than being intentionally ignored, right? Rolling Eyes

I'll keep trying to be a little more assertive. I can't expect to be catered to.

Thanks again for the help. It really makes a difference.

quote:
Originally posted by Sunshine2
You are here in this world for a reason. Trust that.


Thank you for that.
  

This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.

Jump to:  

Related topics
Online help for depression
Depression Help
Seroxat half life?
Depression and other issues
Understanding depression is the first step to beating it
 

All times are GMT.
The time now is Thu Apr 24, 2014 9:54 am
  Display posts from previous:      




Psychology  

Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group