WHY AM I NOT LIKED

Postby iwantchange » Sat Jun 05, 2010 8:10 am

I just finished high school and I feel like all my friends betrayed me. I do have friends and I talk to a lot of people at school, but when it comes to group parties or big occasions, they totally ignore me or ditch. During graduation, all my friends were there and nobody clapped for me when my name came up, or when I won an award, I thought I had friends but people just don't like me. I have mutual friends with a lot of people, but I never get invited to the parties, only my friends do, and I am just an outcast. They only say hi to me when I am with friends they know, but otherwise, they completely ignore me or just forget that I exist. I don't have many guy friends, and the few that I have are being total jerks, one of them ignores me in the hallways and the other one forgets that I exist.I don't understand why!! I don't trash talk, I am not bitchy and I certainly don't go around trying to hurt people. I just feel like I am not happy because I don't feel good with my group of friends. I love them, but I feel like I need more people in my life, and even though I join clubs and such, I make friends and then they ignore me again in public which makes me mad.I don't know what to do and I feel like my life is not going the right way, i want to feel loved by people and that they care, but I just feel rejected by everyone and they don't give me a chance to show them whom I really am. What can I do?
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#1

Postby Dr Dean » Sat Jun 05, 2010 1:35 pm

Two things are quite obvious:1.You must find the answer to your question or you will suffer discrimination and unhappiness the rest of your life.2.There is no way your question will be answered here because no one knows you personally.Most likely the answer is very obvious to those who you hang out with and even more likely, it is something very personal such as a choice of clothing or even body odor.I had a 16 year old client who dropped out of school because she was bullied so frequently due to her goth clothing.

You will need to contact individuals,one at a time,and in a totally private conversation,just say "Hey i'm having a big problem here.Please be completely honest with me.This is driving me crazy and I just have to figure it out.Why do people keep rejecting me?" Start with the people who are the easiest for you to talk with such as a brother or sister,your mother,your favorite teacher or your youth pastor.I guarantee that this approach will work for you IF your respond properly to the information you're given.Take very seriously any insight your given even if it doesn't seem important to you and take immediate action to make the necessary changes.Most likely it will be a minor problem that can easily be corrected although practice may be required if it is a behavioral habit.But do follow the advice you are given even if it makes little sense to you or if it requires action you do not want to take.YOUR HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS ARE ON THE LINE HERE! :shock:
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#2

Postby improvedconfidence.com » Mon Jun 07, 2010 11:04 am

Hello,

I think we almost always get what we expect. If you are thinking that all your friends reject you and you feel like an outcast, that will be reflected back to you and is exactly what will happen. We also select incidents and thoughts to reinforce these beliefs so the times when people do chat to you are forgotton about, but the other times are remembered and seen as the norm.
Start to change your thoughts around this area, develop an affirmation which feels right for you and repeat, repeat and repeat some more. Something along the lines of I am happy, people love, accept and communicate with me easily and regularly. Make sure the affirmation is positive and in the present tense.
Start to look for incidents which contradict your current beliefs and you will find they become more and more regular.
Make an effort to talk to friends when you see them out - and expect a favourable response.

Best wishes,
Kate
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#3

Postby khoemchanna » Tue Jun 08, 2010 11:58 am

that is good idea,

iwantchange wrote:I just finished high school and I feel like all my friends betrayed me. I do have friends and I talk to a lot of people at school, but when it comes to group parties or big occasions, they totally ignore me or ditch. During graduation, all my friends were there and nobody clapped for me when my name came up, or when I won an award, I thought I had friends but people just don't like me. I have mutual friends with a lot of people, but I never get invited to the parties, only my friends do, and I am just an outcast. They only say hi to me when I am with friends they know, but otherwise, they completely ignore me or just forget that I exist. I don't have many guy friends, and the few that I have are being total jerks, one of them ignores me in the hallways and the other one forgets that I exist.I don't understand why!! I don't trash talk, I am not bitchy and I certainly don't go around trying to hurt people. I just feel like I am not happy because I don't feel good with my group of friends. I love them, but I feel like I need more people in my life, and even though I join clubs and such, I make friends and then they ignore me again in public which makes me mad.I don't know what to do and I feel like my life is not going the right way, i want to feel loved by people and that they care, but I just feel rejected by everyone and they don't give me a chance to show them whom I really am. What can I do?
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#4

Postby drywater » Thu Jun 10, 2010 5:40 pm

i get that feeling too, where i feel like people dont like me. i may be over analyzing it but thank god for my self confidence and esteem that i dont really care if they like me or not.

the reason why i think people feel like that towards me is because im a little inconsistent in my behavior and people dont really know what to expect from me.

now that might not be the case with you its got to be that youre not that type of person they could see themselves hanging out with (you might be odd or awkward in a way) im sure im shooting in the dark but maybe youre annoying and no one has the guts to say it in your face. again thats a total guess.
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#5

Postby Maude » Thu Jun 10, 2010 7:38 pm

understand so much how you feel. I don't know what it is. I feel the same way. I'm more of less really nice to people, I try to help them as much as I can, I do not gossip, I am friendly...people seems to want to get to know me, but once they do alittle bit they don't seem to be interrested in being friend with me. I would love to have a best friend...someone I can talk to, share stories, etc... I feel that alot of people have been envious of me, and I do my very best to not brag about the good things that happen in my life, because I do not want to make people feel jaleous.

I know alot of people, but I do not have alot of good friend. What can I be doing wrong....can it just just be a lack of karisma?
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#6

Postby drywater » Fri Jun 11, 2010 5:05 pm

well your trying to high jack this other persons thread. easy way to make friends is to have a common hobbby. for me first it was sports, then video games, then drugs,alcohol and now ping pong. once you find a similarity in another its easier to build on that bond.

i dont recommend drugs or alcohol but sometimes it just happens.
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#7

Postby richardlindo.com » Fri Jun 11, 2010 8:26 pm

Hello iwantchange,

The reason why you're having this problem is because you don't have personal power.

If you have personal power with a happy and positive outlook on life, then others will automatically see and feel it. You would be like a powerful magnet that attracts people to you.

How do you attain this power?

By start working on yourself:

1. Start going to the gym (with eating right)
2. Practice affirmation to yourself.
3. start a hobby that you like.
4. Start appreciating life more.
5. Learn to let things go.
6. Spend a little money on yourself (clothes, spa, nails. hair, vacation etc.)

The key is to improve yourself first then others will be begging to become friends with you.

Warmly,
Richard Lindo
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#8

Postby KateR_42 » Fri Jun 11, 2010 9:12 pm

Hi iwantchange,

I really feel for your situation. I've experienced similar things during my life and have done lots of experimentation about how to break free.

In my experience, I have to say I agree with improvedconfidence. So often people are reacting to the signals they get from you. You probably don't even realise it (I didn't for a long time) but it only takes an awkward look from you when you're talking to someone and they will respond to that. And if you don't look like you think you deserve applause when you walk on stage, then others will doubt it as well. From their point of view, it's easier not to bother.

It's a horrible situation to be in. But it sounds like you need to work with yourself on understanding all the great things you have to offer people. Once you believe in yourself, others will as well. As soon as you stop needing their approval, others will respond. It's amazing the difference it makes.

Anyway, I hope this helps.

I really hope things work out for you.

K
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#9

Postby richardlindo.com » Sat Jun 12, 2010 6:19 pm

Yes KateR_42,

"Iwantchange" has to work on him/her self in order to make improvements, transform and become a bright and shinning powerful magnet.

It's hard to attract people to you when you feel down and out. But when you ignite your fire within, everyone will take notice and want to see what's happening.

Richard LIndo
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#10

Postby ShareJack » Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:48 pm

It's totally up to you what you do, but I have noticed that there is no situation where few jokes wouldn't make things go little bit smoother.
Also try not be the most important person in someone's life, be the most important person in your life. After that there will be friends around you like flies :)
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#11

Postby rub3n » Mon Jun 21, 2010 1:28 am

Mabie its that your magnifiying certain situations, the negatuves and ignoring the positives.

I want you to tell me this, tell me the 3 people you hate the most and tell me what they do that annoy you the most.

Who are the 3 people you admire the most? why specifically those people?
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#12

Postby Mustang80 » Tue Jun 22, 2010 8:09 am

Teenage world is cruel. A teenager will invite you to a party if he/she wants your presence. If you're NOT invited to a party, it means the person who's holding the party doesn't think your presence is suitable for parties.

It doesn't mean he/she doesn't value you as a person, but they definitely don't value you as a party person. And that's not a big deal, if you ask me.

I don't know you personally, but maybe you're just too quiet. Or too self conscious.

Listen, the best way to make a conversation is to take it easy. Sometimes just "yeah" or "hey mate" are enough to make the other person comfortable, to show your affection, and to show you got the initiative. And people respond positively to those things.

For example, what do you do when someone from your school scored a touchdown? Admit it - you'll ignore it. You don't care about the effort that that boy made, you don't care about his ability, his talent, you don't care that he practices every day and takes a beating to achieve a goal, you just don't care about it and you don't respect the effort.

Next time just say "good game/pass/run yesterday, man" when you're passing by him. Without any admiration (or he'll think you're gay or something), but show you CARE and RESPECT.

Ask yourself - why should a quarterback care who you really are deep inside? What's in it for him? Especially if you don't care who he is on the outside or the inside? And I am 100% positive you DON'T care.

I was also lost when I was your age. Later in life, I realized I was always a strong man, but just couldn't find my way at that age. Too many distractions and too many doubts.

It's tough. But just take it easy, let it go, it's not a big deal. Just find something to do and open yourself towards other people. They're not that bad.

There's an old saying: "If you lock the front door, bad people will still find their way in. But good people won't."

So, open the door. And start thinking and caring about someone else, not only yourself. It's not that scary.
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