Let's pick up on Getting to now...
You wrote, "as the years progress my temper shortens, and i become more aggressive, violence seems to be the only way for me to vent the anger", and in truth this expected by the research on anger. The core idea behind this self-venting is called the Catharsis theory originating with Freud. And the theory has surely endured in popular media even as study after study proves the results you are seeing; that your now habit of venting, increases aggression, increases violence and has an ever decreasing return of value.
A seminal research on the Catharsis theory is can be found at Does Venting Anger Feed or Extinguish the Flame? Catharsis,
Rumination, Distraction, Anger, and Aggressive Responding and Catharsis, Aggression, and Persuasive Influence: Self-Fulfilling or Self-Defeating Prophecies?
The conclusion: "Our findings suggest that media messages advocating catharsis may be worse than useless. They encourage people to vent their anger through aggressive action, and perhaps they even foster the displacement of aggression toward new, innocent third parties. In our research, people who received procatharsis messages first chose to vent their anger by hitting a punching bag, but then they went on to show elevated aggression toward the person at whom they were angry. They even showed increased aggression toward an innocent third person. Pop writers may think they are offering helpful, sage advice on affect regulation, but the effect of advocating catharsis may be to cause a general increase in aggressive behavior. Perhaps media endorsement of cathartic release should come to be regarded as a potential danger to public health, peace, and social harmony".
My word to you is that the many practical helps found in posts across this anger forum, can be, if we fail to address the psychology, merely add-ons to our existing anger expressions. Fact is, we change surprisingly slowly, habits do die hard, and when we lack sleep or are tired from the day's work or stressed, we fall back to our "defaults", fall back to our "normal" behaviors and thinking. Follow me here... when we have to do something extra to not do our "normal" behavior, we sometimes, simply don't have time to think, don't have enough cognitive self-control left, to do the "something extra" that we were told will help.
Awareness is a window...
Much of what we do is automatic, driven by emotion, motivation, learning, even our very nature shapes us. So much so that later in life we can rediscover our father as one much the same as us, the way we solve problems, the way we think, even if father and son went different directions. It is our awareness of our behaviors, and the reactions that others have to these behaviors, yes, even increasing self-awareness as we see others behaviors that begins to hint to us, then scream at us, and finally leads to change. It is a good view that emotions are organizing processes that enable individuals to think and behave adaptively and it is awareness, that is the window to let us know what needs changed. This post shows your self-awareness is growing.
Practice makes perfect...
You wrote, "as the years progress my temper shortens, and i become more aggressive, violence seems to be the only way for me to vent the anger". And I tell you that the psychology of this practice shows that such venting, in an odd way, over time, gives this temporary high, this temporary feeling state, this perfect feeling of control, gives us a place of comfort, gives us a known place to go, even a self-expected place to go. Indeed this special place of rage, for those moments, gives real self-reward, gives a self-soothing, gives us emotional power. Our task here is not to deny this special place; rather, it is to, with awareness, acknowledge the significance of this place.
In accepting the value of the "aggressive, violence" anger, we begin to allow ourselves to separate that place from us. Said another way, that is not us, it is a place where we emotionally sooth ourselves, we can feel it, and we know it, when we feel it. I say again, that your increasing self-awareness is a window to show that your practice of anger management is spiraling you into an ever deeper requirement to enter your self-expected place.
So first steps...
In a safe way, for this moment, let's not judge your exaggerated emotional expression. Let's look to and think of, the odd comfort this exaggerated emotional expression gives; don't deny it, read again your words, "seems to be the only way for me to vent the anger". This is a real place with value and yes, that value comes with a cost. One cost, like an addiction and in an odd way, this place becomes more and more a comfortable place. I tell you that Awareness lets us know that this comfort; is a trap waiting for us.
What say you?
Note the bold underlines above are links that when clicked, opens supporting information.