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SocialOutcast
New Member
Joined: 30 Jun 2010
Posts: 1
Wed Jun 30, 2010 2:07 am
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| Social Akwardness ruining my relationship with my mom. |
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I think I might have selective Mutism. I am currently 16 years of age, I am a very shy person and I find it extremely hard for me to be social. I feel uncomfortable in most social situations and find it hard to make friends because of it.
I joined my schools Marching Band and because of the insane hours I spend with the people in band, I have become out going in that group of people. I guess that's because I'm comfortable with them because of all the time I spend with them. But that group only.
When I was younger and in PreSchool I never spoke to my teachers. They would ask me questions and I would nod my head yes or no. After time my nods evolved to whispering, but never speaking. When ever we would visit my extended family, I never spoke to any of my aunts or uncles Instead, I would cling to my parents. Basicly, I wouldn't talk to anybody other than my parents and maybe a friend or two that where my age. NEVER adults. Camp Counslers, Doctors, Teachers...etc. Never spoke to any of them
It used to make me upset hearing my aunts talk to my mom asking them what was wrong with me because I wouldn't talk. My mom would in return yell at me for not being social, but it never helped.
I recently got a Job at a small cafe .(my mom is the manager and she hired me) this is my fist job. I isolate myself from the other employees (The other employees are my age, and are extremely out going) I normally just do my job with out communicating with any of them. My mom is always yelling at me because I'm not outgoing enough and the owners of the cafe don't think I'm working out. My mom says I'm embarrassing her because I'm so unfriendly.
I'm trying so hard to be more social but I just can't do it. I find it hard for me to talk to other people. If somebody talks to me, I'll talk back but I normally have the most awkward answers. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wish I could be more out going! What's wrong with me!?
I do have friends who I am comfortable around and I'm completely normal looking, but not always normal acting. I just withdraw myself from social situations and I really wish I wouldn't.
What I'm asking is, does it sound like I have Selective Mutism? It would be great to know if I have a real problem, that way I could get help for it some how. I hate how things are, and I often find myself feeling very lonely because nobody understands. My mom makes it so much worse because she just doesn't get that I can't help it. |
dav1307
Preferred Member
Joined: 15 May 2005
Posts: 725
Location: Colorado, USA
Wed Jun 30, 2010 8:22 pm
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Nice job with joining the band! That is great you feel comfortable and outgoing with them! (you could post your message in another topic area like Self Esteem and Confidence too)
I'm not aware of the condition your talking about, selective mutism.
But you're 16, which is very young even if you don't believe me, so it is great you're trying to take care of this now. I believe becoming more social and socially skilled takes practice, so what you're doing now with the band and your job is practice.
Keep it up. You can always go talk to a relevant type of doctor if you have questions about certain problems you have. |
Goldie294
New Member
Joined: 30 Jun 2010
Posts: 1
Wed Jun 30, 2010 10:40 pm
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As the mum of a child with selective mutism, I would say yes, it does sound like that. The criteria for SM are a person not speaking in a situation in which speaking would normally be expected, for a month or more, which cannot be explained by any other reason (speech problems etc). You sound exactly like my daughter who is 9, who wouldn't speak to any adults apart from immediate family. However she has had some treatment and can now speak to her Teaching Assistant and her Sunday School teacher when he comes to our house, although not yet in church.
What you have is an anxiety condition. And it can be treated. You will probably need some help and guidance, but basically if you break your feared situations down into tiny baby steps, and just take one little step at a time, you will get there. To help my daughter speak to the new adults she does speak to, firstly she spoke to me (playing a game) while the new adult was some distance away, outside a door. Then after 5-10 minutes the door was opened slightly. Then the person moved a small distance closer. And gradually, my daughter faced a tiny bit of her fear at a time, and overcame it. Another thing you could do is to start to text or e-mail someone you'd like to speak to, to get you used to the idea of them hearing your voice. Or you could record yourself speaking, or get some video taken, and let another person see or hear it. If these things sound like they're too big a step for you, break it down smaller.
I suggest you print out exactly what you wrote in this forum and take it to your doctor. Just hand it to him/her and then you won't have to say anything. In fact, you could even just post it first of all so they know what to expect when they see you.
Don't give up hope. Such anxieties are possible to overcome, and you have a brighter future than you can ever imagine at this stage. And I say this as someone who had big anxiety problems in my teen years but now live a completely normal life! Best of luck to you. |
ellenegan
New Member
Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 12
Mon Aug 30, 2010 11:52 am
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Hi,
It sounds like your main concern is that this is ruining your relationship with your mom. I don't know much about selective mutism. but, I think Goldie's advice about going to your doctor is your best first step. Go with your mom if possible so that she can understand your situation, understand that you are doing something to help yourself and she will hopefully learn how to best support you.
Good luck |
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