Anxiety and Love

#2265

Postby Vany311 » Fri Nov 17, 2017 2:54 am

Cric 0624
Try to meditate. I used to go to the bathroom and out my headsphones on. Make it a habit. Even if it’s just for a couple of minutes. Remember that just one thing won’t hwlped. You have to try all kinds of things to help you get out of there. Unfortunately there’s no magic pill that solve our problem we have created in our heads. We have to find the solution. There was a guy that said on a blog the other day “its not my feelings or emotions that determine my love for her but the things I do for my wife determine my love” love is a choice, a constant choice not a feeling. Let’s pretend you were in a normal state of mind no anxiety? Would you leave your boyfriend? I’m pretty sure your answer is no.
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#2266

Postby cric0624 » Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:10 pm

That’s my fear: that I’m in a normal state of mind and that this isn’t anxiety but me truly feeling as though the relationship is over. Though anytime we talk about that or I think about it it makes me so upset to the point of tears. My bf is so wonderful when we discuss this but he did say that he just wants me to be happy, whatever the outcome and that he doesn’t want me to stay in this relationship for the wrong reasons (comfort, scared of leaving etc) which seriously spiked me and its all I can obsess over the past few days. I keep telling myself that love is a choice, so even if i’m having a bad day I’m still choosing my boyfriend and showing up and doing loving things. I just feel like i’m trying to convince myself i love him when that’s not the case
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#2267

Postby Vany311 » Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:02 pm

It has happened to be 5 times with 5 different people! And they all feel like I want to run and leave. I don’t want to keep doing that! I ran too much because of my fears. This is the only advise I can give you.
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#2268

Postby cric0624 » Sat Nov 18, 2017 12:23 am

That is true. I know that this is a good relationship and I’m not going to give up on it that easily! How have you been doing?
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#2269

Postby Vany311 » Sat Nov 18, 2017 1:17 pm

Me well last weekend I was at bliss I thought I had conquered it all. This weekend I feel just “ok” and yesterday night i did not feel anything. And then j said to my head do you really need to be feeling anything every five minutes??? I said that even if I felt numb I was still going to focus on what Love really is and today I woke up better. I also sign up for a course of meditation. I am really determined to get my mind straight with practice. When my mind is clear of thoughts I feel love towards my boyfriend, and appreciation. I want to learn how to truly meditate. This take time and the only thing that can keep us going is patient and faith.
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#2270

Postby andrajackson » Sat Nov 18, 2017 6:13 pm

Hey anxietybucket, I feel that you have mixed thoughts of losing your love and not helping him. I ensure you that you love him very much and you do not want to lose him at any cost. Do not lose hope do whatever you can do for him. He needs your love.
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#2271

Postby cric0624 » Mon Dec 11, 2017 7:32 pm

Hi guys, just wanted to send a quick update. I've been struggling recently with the feeling of being "trapped" or, at least that's what I think. I was snowed in with my bf over the weekend and I did enjoy our time together. However, when we were doing cute things like dancing to Christmas music and making a gingerbread house, I just felt nothing at all. I tried to calm myself down and remind myself that you cannot possibly feel everything at every moment, and there were times when I felt some joy return. However I also feel like I need to be by myself for awhile - not a break up! - but just spend some time alone. This freaks me out because I used to love spending every minute with my boyfriend and I get worried that I'll never want to live with him if I can't stand being around him all the time. However, I do know that it is finals week at school and I have a ton of work to do, so my anxiety is most likely being caused by that and projecting onto him. Even though I can name it as a projection, it is hard to convince my mind of it.
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#2272

Postby AJ01101996 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:02 am

I don't know if this happens to guys as well, I haven't read the entire thread. I'm a 21 year old who has been in a wonderful relationship for the last two years November 12th we celebrated our second anniversary.
It was all good till 1st December, we had a heated argument that morning. We resolved the problem soon and carried on to the rest of the day so in the afternoon me and her we meet up. We had some coffe everything was fine till a guy i knew a while back showed up there and we had a casual conversation, (i hate that dude, he stole something that was very precious to me a couple of years ago, AAAND he's probably better looking than me) so I tell her "yeah that's him, the guy who stole it". For a while I felt like she was checking him out (but she wasn't she keeps repeatedly assuring me that, and I believe it too) I felt a little zoned out, I couldn't get my mind to focus on anything. I came back to my shop and all of a sudden I started getting this fuzzy feeling in my head, my head was spinning and I felt like I was about to pass out, so I drove back home and after a while I started feeling weird altogether, I kept asking myself "do I love her??" And then it all went sour. It has been 3 weeks now and I'm still figuring out what it is. She knows about all of this. I even tried breaking up but I just broke down in front of her.
A part of me says "I love her" the other says "you don't" "you're pretending" "you're gonna hurt her". I felt good for a day once ao we had sex, but I cried even after that(we had a wonderful sex life). I don't know what I'm scared of the anxiety making me feel like I don't love her, or those being my real feelings and giving me anxiety. I have clarity in the evening like "Its all a game your mind is playing!!" And sometimes I'll give myself anxiety like "you weren't thinking of her, you clearly don't love her!!".
I don't know if this is of any relevance but I had a really REALLY bad health anxiety last year (November to May) I was convinced that I had lung cancer, even after repeated doctors visits I'd still be looking up every little thing happening on/in my body on the internet.
Sometimes I have the urge to call her and say "Dude, I love you so much!" But then I wonder again "Am I saying this to convince myself that I love her??"
Then I think I should go see my GP and tell them what's happening but then I again fear "what if they say that I really am not in love anymore".
She's the beam of light that saved me from myself last year, she stood by me everytime I'd have a breakdown about my health.
Please.. have any of you ever had thoughts lile I do??
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