Why is life without love so hard?

Postby freedom80 » Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:36 am

Why is life without love so hard?
It seems I fought it for so long, trying be be a better person, but I'm beginning to think the answer is love with a special someone and that will help you conqueur all...providing you want it enough. Adult life is a lonely place if you have no one.
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#1

Postby jimbow2708 » Wed Dec 22, 2010 6:04 pm

Hi freedom80,

Love tends to come out of the blue when you are least expecting it. Do not give up or finding your love in your life but find ways to attract love to you.

People tend to enjoy the company of 'free spirits' people who show an interest in them, people who are warm , caring and social. So keep youre self esteem , worth and confidence under review and do not undersell yourself .

We all want to bew loved and part of the crown , and we can be in our own unique way.

Best Wishes

Jim
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#2

Postby Candid » Wed Dec 22, 2010 8:27 pm

Well, the Ancient Wisdom of the Old Ones is that you find love in and for yourself and then you have no 'neurotic' need to bond with another. You automatically love the world and it loves you back.

I'm one of the lesser mortals who flees to my husband when the world's against me.
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#3

Postby ZHereford » Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:22 pm

I would tend to think that life is always hard if you focus on what you don't have.

If you were to focus on personal development and being your own best friend, as jimbow said, love from another will come when you least expect it and from out of the blue.
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#4

Postby freedom80 » Fri Dec 24, 2010 12:37 am

ZHereford wrote:I would tend to think that life is always hard if you focus on what you don't have.

If you were to focus on personal development and being your own best friend, as jimbow said, love from another will come when you least expect it and from out of the blue.


Do you really think that?
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#5

Postby Zuriel » Mon Dec 27, 2010 1:35 pm

I happened to be reading a book this weekend that made an intriguing point. The jist was that Love is the most natural thing in the world. Most people live a "normal" lifestyle - but very few live a "natural" lifestyle.

Life is all about creating and re-creating the type of person you choose to be. When people live in a normal frame of mind, their choices are always the same...what they "normally" would do. When people live naturally, they go with their feelings...they tend to make different choices based on similar circumstances in hopes that they will discover something new about themselves and / or the world around them.

Life without love is extremely un-natural. Personally, I have been in a spot in my life for about four years where romantic / passionate love has been absent...but there are a great deal of "love types" out there.

The one LOVE that I am looking for (unconditional acceptance) has always eluded me. I may never discover that - but I am going to continue searching for that until the day I "choose" to stop.

So...the short answer - Life without love is so hard because it is not natural.
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#6

Postby freedom80 » Mon Dec 27, 2010 7:44 pm

Zuriel wrote:I happened to be reading a book this weekend that made an intriguing point. The jist was that Love is the most natural thing in the world. Most people live a "normal" lifestyle - but very few live a "natural" lifestyle.

Life is all about creating and re-creating the type of person you choose to be. When people live in a normal frame of mind, their choices are always the same...what they "normally" would do. When people live naturally, they go with their feelings...they tend to make different choices based on similar circumstances in hopes that they will discover something new about themselves and / or the world around them.

Life without love is extremely un-natural. Personally, I have been in a spot in my life for about four years where romantic / passionate love has been absent...but there are a great deal of "love types" out there.

The one LOVE that I am looking for (unconditional acceptance) has always eluded me. I may never discover that - but I am going to continue searching for that until the day I "choose" to stop.

So...the short answer - Life without love is so hard because it is not natural.



Well all throughout my education life I followed my heart and was following the natural path Id say, but adult life does not lend it self so easily to the natural path. Why is society become this way?
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#7

Postby Zuriel » Mon Dec 27, 2010 10:36 pm

As adults, we tend to anticipate...we try to control the "results" of our actions...for instance, telling another that you love them...typically, you anticipate they will say the same thing back...you expect them to...but we, as individual beings, need to stop requiring specific results and just go with whatever happens.

Again, this leads right back to unconditional acceptance of those around us. Freedom, I can't even begin to express how lonely I truly am in this life...it is extremely hard as an adult.

As a child, we never really think about acceptance and love...it is just assumed...
As a youth, we resist acceptance and love...we fight to prove that we can "go it alone"
As adults, we realize life is much easier when we have others helping us keep going.

I do not know any of the answers but I have plenty of questions to keep things rolling!
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#8

Postby Zuriel » Tue Dec 28, 2010 7:02 pm

I assume everyone has heard the term "think tank". Well, "love tank" is sorta the same concept...you draw love from the tank. You never really imagine the tank going dry...but what if it does...what if you "run out of love"? Is that even possible? I can not imagine the tank ever going dry for society as a whole because there are just too many people with full tanks...but what if it goes dry for one individual? Does that person just become bitter...and once it goes dry, can you get it back...ever???
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#9

Postby freedom80 » Tue Dec 28, 2010 10:22 pm

Zuriel wrote:I assume everyone has heard the term "think tank". Well, "love tank" is sorta the same concept...you draw love from the tank. You never really imagine the tank going dry...but what if it does...what if you "run out of love"? Is that even possible? I can not imagine the tank ever going dry for society as a whole because there are just too many people with full tanks...but what if it goes dry for one individual? Does that person just become bitter...and once it goes dry, can you get it back...ever???


Hmm I think I know what you mean. Do you mean do you have that energy, that capacity to love another as you once did, maybe your first love after it has gone. I do hope so. I think it may take awhile though, I feel like I am unable to love at the mo but once I get myself in a happy place again and do not feel I want someone so much I think someone special can come along again and are energy be re-newed.

I'm not sure if that's the lines your on about.
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#10

Postby Mindcontrolago » Fri Dec 31, 2010 3:02 am

depends on what you love clearly you had extreme love at some point and now you cant live with out it once you have experienced it.

so if im up the right ally you need to find something to equal the brains drug experience of what is love but in a different area of your life or just start dating a lot more and exploring different friendships and possibilities.

if i am right of coarce but what do you mean with love what are you looking for ??
an open friend ship
the sex part
the emotional part


what are you looking for when your looking for love??? voids are hard to fill with out tools
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#11

Postby Zuriel » Sun Jan 02, 2011 6:43 pm

freedom...I have a friend that is going through a divorce right now and I am trying to be a sounding board for many of the emotions he is experiencing...I keep hearing from him that it is her "fault" and that "he" can't believe what "she" is doing to him...

First thought about that...No single person in my entire existence is respponsible for the way I react to their actions. It is up to me to choose my own reactions and ultimately my own acceptance of their actions.

Second thought about that...you shoulld ONLY enter a relationship with expectations of what you are willing to GIVE - NOT GET.

The more expectations you have about what you are going to get from the relationship, the more difficult it is going to be when you do not get exactly what you prepared yourself for! Also, if you think of expectations as boundaries or fences, when you do reach those limits, you may find yourself getting bored. Why start out any relationship by putting limits on the emotional possibilities...

The following is an excerpt of an e-mail I sent him when he was really getting down on himself...

The problem, as I see it, is that you think there is supposed to be some magical "calling". Life, in my opinion is not about the destination (or "calling") - it is about the journey. The experiences are the purpose. The purpose of life is to have as many unique experiences as you possibly can. Yes, there may be that "perfect" experience - lets say "Love" - but once you experience that, would you not then want something else? Life is very boring if you do not leave the comfort zone and seek out new experiences. It is perfectly fine to re-experience the things you enjoy, but don't stop seeking new things!

Stop focusing on what you DO NOT have and focus on what you DO have. It IS important to do what you want to do & like to do - not just because you HAVE to. But once you find what you like, are you going to stop having new experiences...you may as well hang yourself from the giant oak tree out back...if that is the case - pick a strong branch.

The following may sound selfish - but believe me, it is so NOT!

Each of us has a responsibility to mankind. But that responsibility is not to change the world and leave "our own mark" on the world. (That, in reality, is super selfish and conceded - to think that we as individuals are so great that we deserve to be remembered)

Our responsibility is to ourselves, to make decisions and choices about who we want to be. What kind of experience we would like to have...and then adapt that choice to the world around us. Do not allow ircumstances to control your choice - instead make your choices control the circumstances.

Do not confuse Love for Companionship. You can give and receive a ton of love to friends, family, strangers, even your enemies...especially your enemies. But this is not the type of love that will refill your love tank. The love tank you are referring to can only be filled "at the companionship pump" :D

Don't be afraid to put yourself out there over and over again. Choose to be happy...choose to love....choose to live with a "full tank"!
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#12

Postby crystalr0w3 » Tue Mar 15, 2011 1:24 pm

freedom80 wrote:Why is life without love so hard?
It seems I fought it for so long, trying be be a better person, but I'm beginning to think the answer is love with a special someone and that will help you conqueur all...providing you want it enough. Adult life is a lonely place if you have no one.


Well in some ways, I can agree to this, but it's all a matter of seeing things in a different perspective.

Romantic love is not the end-all and be-all of one's existence. Though having a partner keeps you inspired, it's not everything.

You can't force to have someone just for the sake of having one and especially if you are not compatible or you don't love that person. It's worth waiting for that special someone and stop pining for what you don't have.

Though it can get lonely sometimes, just divert your attention to some things which make you happy.

Being partnered is a matter of personal choice and should not be everyone's destiny. There are some singles and celibates who chose their calling and stood up for their decisions and if that's what make them happy, who are we to say otherwise?
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#13

Postby freedom80 » Sun Mar 20, 2011 2:25 am

In reply to crystalr0w3

"You can't force to have someone just for the sake of having one and especially if you are not compatible or you don't love that person. It's worth waiting for that special someone and stop pining for what you don't have"

I'm not saying I'm so lonley I want to just have anyone, I am waiting for that right person who is compatible its just that in the mean time I am finding it really hard truely being happy. I just don't feel it.

"Though it can get lonely sometimes, just divert your attention to some things which make you happy"

I do divert my attention but it never seems to feel enough. I know full well that relationships appear when you least expect I just can seem to distract myself enough to be caught off guard.

"Being partnered is a matter of personal choice and should not be everyone's destiny. There are some singles and celibates who chose their calling and stood up for their decisions and if that's what make them happy, who are we to say otherwise?"


I have no problem with people who choose to remain single/celebate, I'm just saying its not for me.
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#14

Postby freedom80 » Sun Mar 20, 2011 2:31 am

jimbow2708 wrote:Hi freedom80,

Love tends to come out of the blue when you are least expecting it.

Jim


Also when you say "Love tends to come out of the blue when you are least expecting it. " is this while your in a relationship or when your not? I mean if you were in one then you would possibly expect to some degree or atleast it be on your mind, or are you suggesting you fall in love a with a friend who you did not see romantically?
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