freedom...I have a friend that is going through a divorce right now and I am trying to be a sounding board for many of the emotions he is experiencing...I keep hearing from him that it is her "fault" and that "he" can't believe what "she" is doing to him...
First thought about that...No single person in my entire existence is respponsible for the way I react to their actions. It is up to me to choose my own reactions and ultimately my own acceptance of their actions.
Second thought about that...you shoulld ONLY enter a relationship with expectations of what you are willing to GIVE - NOT GET.
The more expectations you have about what you are going to get from the relationship, the more difficult it is going to be when you do not get exactly what you prepared yourself for! Also, if you think of expectations as boundaries or fences, when you do reach those limits, you may find yourself getting bored. Why start out any relationship by putting limits on the emotional possibilities...
The following is an excerpt of an e-mail I sent him when he was really getting down on himself...
The problem, as I see it, is that you think there is supposed to be some magical "calling". Life, in my opinion is not about the destination (or "calling") - it is about the journey. The experiences are the purpose. The purpose of life is to have as many unique experiences as you possibly can. Yes, there may be that "perfect" experience - lets say "Love" - but once you experience that, would you not then want something else? Life is very boring if you do not leave the comfort zone and seek out new experiences. It is perfectly fine to re-experience the things you enjoy, but don't stop seeking new things!
Stop focusing on what you DO NOT have and focus on what you DO have. It IS important to do what you want to do & like to do - not just because you HAVE to. But once you find what you like, are you going to stop having new experiences...you may as well hang yourself from the giant oak tree out back...if that is the case - pick a strong branch.
The following may sound selfish - but believe me, it is so NOT!
Each of us has a responsibility to mankind. But that responsibility is not to change the world and leave "our own mark" on the world. (That, in reality, is super selfish and conceded - to think that we as individuals are so great that we deserve to be remembered)
Our responsibility is to ourselves, to make decisions and choices about who we want to be. What kind of experience we would like to have...and then adapt that choice to the world around us. Do not allow ircumstances to control your choice - instead make your choices control the circumstances.
Do not confuse Love for Companionship. You can give and receive a ton of love to friends, family, strangers, even your enemies...especially your enemies. But this is not the type of love that will refill your love tank. The love tank you are referring to can only be filled "at the companionship pump"
Don't be afraid to put yourself out there over and over again. Choose to be happy...choose to love....choose to live with a "full tank"!