First let me introduce myself with some background info, as it may help.
I'm a 30 years old male, and I broke up 6 months ago with the woman I thought would be the love of my life, and since that, I'm in a mild depression. I resigned from my job, and I'm currently unemployed, even though I have a master's degree...
So the lack of sexual relations for 6 months got me through questioning my sexuality, ruminating about past sexual acts I did when I was a teenager etc.
And because of ruminating, and the loss of all my self confidence, I ended up analyzing my sexual fantasies.
And what bothers me, is that I had a lot of incestuous fantasies, but not in an abusing way, or molesting, nor pedophiliac. I never had a fantasy about abusing someone, molesting, raping or any kind of violence.
My fantasies would include my cousins, male and female, aunt by marriage, and one of my uncle, who is the brother of my mother.
I never had any fantasies regarding my sister or my mother though.
And now, I'm having huge guilt over these fantasies, because I say to myself they were not normal, immoral, etc. And I don't understand why this bothers me now, as if I totally lost the rational part of me who was thinking "They're just harmless fantasies".
Plus, theses fantasies were not exclusives, I always had a lot of different kind of fantasies without incestuous stuff in there.
I saw a sexologist and a psychologist, and they said to me there was nothing wrong with that, and that we all have weird fantasies, and that the notion of "normal" fantasies simply does not exist.
But even with this re-assurance, I'm still very anxious, feeling very guilty, and, for exemple, when my uncle from my fantasy comes to visit me, my anxiety reaches high level because I say to myself "What if he knew about this ?"
So if you have any kind of advice on how to handle this, I would appreciate this a lot.