difference between relationship anxiety/falling out of love?

Should I dump him?

No
4
50%
Yes
0
No votes
Definitely
0
No votes
You would be crazy to
4
50%
 
Total votes : 8

#15

Postby handheart » Fri Apr 29, 2016 10:12 am

Well maybe you are tired of hearing this but my advice its : POSITIVE dream about it its important before you sleep and imediatly when you wake up to think at beautyful things and the things your life want to be .It must be done then because subconstient its the most active on this period and if you influence it on the way you want ,you gain control over your life .Good luck to you
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#16

Postby AndroidGirl » Wed May 04, 2016 1:48 am

Hello there! Yes, I am. You know what, it suddenly struck me again. We are beginning to be okay but then shoot! It just struck my like lightning. And yeah, I am starting to worry now, AGAIN. But I am just praying, and thinking that we can do this. And I don't like to have these thoughts have control over me. :( It is difficult, yeah. But I am still hoping.. :( Thank you so much..
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#17

Postby Katemill63 » Mon May 23, 2016 3:26 am

Hello everyone I have created an account to let people know that relationship anxiety can be "cured" or at least managed because when I was obsessively googling I found almost no success stories and to me I think that is because once you have helped yourself you do not want to come back to these websites to be reminded of the pain of relationship anxiety.
Well I am here to tell you my story and you CAN come out of this stronger, better, and even more in love. Maybe not for everyone but for me. It takes work.
Okay so I fell hard for a beautiful man last year and the first few months were literally heaven on earth. I've never been with someone who treated me so well and understood me on such a deep level. Now I must stress, that if he hadn't been this amazing I wouldn't have worked so hard. If the guy is just not right or something deep is bugging you, you may need to listen and understand that you will find love again. But if he is great, then fight. Because see what happened to me I think is I hit my "peak" as my therapist suggested, sometimes when things are going amazingly we bring a deep issue out to deal with and kind of break down. I also had deep rooted insecurities and I think a part of me just couldn't accept a normal happy relationship and couldn't accept that I was worthy of him so panicked and felt he deserved better.
So after the first few months we planned a trip to Mexico, maybe a bit early in the relating ship. But it was heaven, however a few days in I started to see him differently. I was sunburnt, had just turned 25 and kind of started panicky about the fact he's only 22 but it didn't matter before, and I had just gone through a huge dose of antibiotics for an infection. I also usually need something to worry or obsess over and when my life seemed to be too perfect it's like I "needed" something to obsess over. I woke up one morning in Mexico and was like oh my god do I even love him? Oh my god am I even attracted to him? Is this the one holy sh** I'm gonna have to break up with him oh my god all our mutual friends are gonna be gone all that sweet bliss for nothing I'll be alone forever etc just straight panicked thoughts from nowhere. I began "testing" my feelings which is common in this disorder. The more I tested the more I got irritated, he got sick in Mexico and I panicked that in a relationship id have to take care of someone, I'm giving up my freedom, will I ever travel alone again, what if there's a better match for me, my head just spun. And I'm a person woo needs space so j made the mistake of not taking time to just have some alone time in Mexico without each other for a bit to recharge. He sensed my sudden change and was hurt but didn't push me, the plane ride there I wanted to marry him right on that plane and the one back I practically ran off to get back to my solitude.
Being the sweet amazing beautiful man he is he didn't push me the next few weeks as I told him I was confused, this confusion over whether or not I needed to leave him had NO ANSWER. See here's what it was. It was not my truth it was the anxiety. I obsessively googled, which made it worse. Saw a therapist once but couldn't afford although she helped. But I researched the sh** out of CBT. I spun around for weeks over what the right answer was. And there was none. You don't know if a person is the one. You don't know if it's the right choice to be with them. You simple take your chance and live in the moment. See when I was with him I'd feel the anxiety at first but eventually feel happy, it was when we were apart that I started spinning down a black hole. I began to get depressed. I thought of suicide. I was desperate to go back to the way we were and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Unfortunately those few weeks turned into two months.,that I'll never get back and although we had happy times i took a lot out on him, crying a lot, trying to get him to "solve" this, telling him I wanted to die, being irritable with him. He was so patient. The irritability was my least favourite part. But he did nothing different or wrong it was ALL ME. I needed to learn this. I taught myself how to get out of relationship anxiety. When we were apart I'd feel normal at first but slowly start obsessing, couldn't control the thoughts felt like a demon. It wasn't me. My truth deep down was that I wanted to be with him and was terrified of this demon "making me break up with him" therefore my truth is that I loved him! But anxiety made me feel like I didn't, it tried to make me think I was faking, it tried everything to sabotage, because deep down I didn't feel worthy perhaps. It tried hard. And it made a gap. The worst part is the lack of connection and feelings I felt and put him through. Truth is feelings are just temporary. Love is a choice my mom said. And her words ring every day to me. You won't feel happy bliss as in the beginning. It will become deeper as you keep choosing to love. So I hung on.
What did I do? Okay with CBT I began telling each thought that it wasn't real it wasn't me it was just anxiety and I don't believe it. Find your own Mantra to say don't fight it let the thoughts come but don't believe them. The stomach pain was the worst. I didn't want anxiety meds. So I tried L-theanine which naturally calms you, yoga, exercise, time with family and friends, distractions, hobbies, funny shows, thinking and obsessing over positive things and fantasizing about future fun plans etc, self care you must eat well! Water. Being outside, a therapist, your mom or someone else to talk to she helped so much, kept saying that I obviously loved him if I was fighting so hard. I know that's reassurance seeking Whig is bad in relationship OCD but it helped. I needed to positive Internet research because it seemed like a lot of ppl terrified that they "fell out of love" we're about to give up and most peope encouraged them to walk away if they felt nothing and that depressed me and I don't know if positive stories like mine make it to the Internet. Another website that really helped was Sheryl a psychologist "Conscious Transitions" it was so positive and tries to get rid of the Hollywood idea that love is a constant feeling that should just be happening to you for it to be right. I almost signed up for her course and still believe it would have been amazingly helpful and would just straight up encourage everyone to take it. See the Hollywood idea is messed up and it was a trigger for me, omg I don't feel like that couple on tv therefore my relationship is wrong. I obsessed over whether or not he was attractive etc and his age. I had to consciously reconcile this all. Decide that his age didn't matter. Decide I loved his insides so much that his outsides were secondary and thus they became more beautiful. After all this research self care and cognitive behaviour therapy on myself (a therapist does this too) the gap between us started closing, the stomach pain started going away. The worst moments were derealization or feeling disconnected from the world, for this I tried "mindfulness" research it, yoga and meditation apps on my phone. It was terrifying. But now that the gap is closing and I've spent lots of time with him lately I've realized I'm not scared anymore of whether or not he's the one. Maybe he is maybe he isn't but I'm enjoying now obviously and I may not live to see next week even! What terrifies me is the THOUGHTS THENSELVES! I was terrified of spiralling, terrified of seeing him and feeling nothing. Thus the anxiety was worse before I saw him and sometimes took a hold of our time together. All you have to do is control it several times an then your mind starts to realize there's nothing to be afraid of. It all fear and stress hormones the fight and flight reaction causes the stomach pain. I'm still terrified that the thoughts will poke in again because once they do it seems like you're over taken. It's so scary because it isn't you. Your feelings will follow these thoughts and your body will follow those feelings! Control the thoughts first. Yes easier said than done I am still so scared but it's been two weeks with almost no anxiety I choose to see all the good in him and appreciate how he stuck with me and the gap is closing with us I feel even more in love, deeper more comfortable than the initial butterflies. I know how I treated him and I'm trying to make it up now and it's the best feeling knowing I can give him what I deserve and I am a worthy human deserving of a relationship and a man like this. And knowing I beat this without medication is great too my feelings and libido are becoming stronger agin now that the "fog" is clearing and I see that my true feelings are that I love him or else I wouldn't have fought so hard. But if you need medication do not be ashamed one of the worst parts was thinking that I was messed up or mentally ill you're not! You can't help this, you're not alone and you can beat this. Please believe me. There is q light at the end of the tunnel do not stop fighting. I am happy and in love again. I do not know if it will last yes I will always obsess and worry about whether he's too young or were both too young to last forever or whether eventually he'll want a younger girl etc etc. But I allow a minute to obsess over it and then I move on to distract myself with good things the mind follows this it begins to make new better thought patterns and your feelings this return. If they don't well then you'll have a different clear answer, either way in anxiety you are not equipped to make the right decision to leave someone or not so don't! I can honestly say I would have deeply regretted and been miserable dumping him and the words were literally on the top of my toungue at least 4 times. Anyways I'm off to go enjoy my relationship however long it may be and however the One he is or not, I choose to love him and he loves me deeply and I've decided that all is good and all is enough. Bye everyone, you're not alone and way stronger than you could ever imagine and fully deserving of a loving partner beyond your wildest dreams. And remember real love feels deep it does not feel like those initial butterflies. I've never had this before and I think may have just been taken for shock. Also 25 is a quarter life crisis LOL I wasn't sure what to do with my life pack up and move to Thailand or hope that he wants to marry me in a few years. But now who knows, who cares?! This man is amazing and said if I wanted to travel a bit solo he'd support that I never have to feel trapped. Lucky much when you have someone like that who also makes you feel loved and appreciated you have the best of both worlds I can honestly say it's rare and it's worth fighting for. Xoxo
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#18

Postby Tabbycat132 » Sat Jul 15, 2017 6:11 am

I needed this im young and my bf a year younger than me and we been together for 8months and for a while i been thinking the same things... And i have told him and its hurting him but he understands it isnt me its my anxiety ... But idk how to get rid of the thought at all it is very hard but i thought i was losing feelings and in so glad its just anxiety because he treats me great id fight to the end for him...
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#19

Postby Sofiasolarip » Mon Jul 17, 2017 12:05 am

Please i Need help, i feel that way and i cant take it anymore. I cant be happy i havent been happy for a while its a nighmare. I need someone to talk to
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