Im wondering how many of us here have had issues with eating. It seems like it might be a common problem among OCDers. When I was in high school I went through a phase of limiting my calories, I lost 40lbs, which was a good thing, but I was walking the line a bit with having an eating disorder. The good thing was that Im a very cautious person, so when I started to feel weak, I thought this is just crazy LOL.. I went back to a more normal diet and started to exercise a more.
For me it was sort of a control issue, things were crazy around our house, my brother kept getting into trouble and there were tons of arguements between my parents and him. Every morning I woke up to my mom yelling at my brother to get out of bed. He hated going to school, so the morning horrible in our house My high school years were terrible, because of his problems, plus I never felt like I could fit in. I went to a very large high school, and felt lost and alone. I had a hard time making friends, I didnt know how to be a high school student, I just didnt get the all the goofy teens stuff. My aunt said she viewed me as a 40 year old person when I was younger Also, my roomate in college told me that I acted a lot older LOL.. Well, now Im that 40 year old person Hum...Maybe, I should act like Im 18 again Anyway, I was very responsible teenager, I had a checking account when I was 16. I worked and made car payments, on time every month. Plus, I took care of washing my clothes and other things around the house. I could have helped my mom more, but I think I did more than most teenagers. LOL.. Gee After writing that I think I should get an award for being a good daughter. Well, I think I failed my mon in the end, so I dont deserve the award.... I should have reached out to her and hugged her when she needed it. She was so depressed and I think it she needed that from me. But, my fear of being close to anyone stopped me.
Over the years I have had the hug fear and saying I love you fear. I used to get anxious in situations when I knew a hug from someone was coming At times Ive ducked out quick before they can get me or I turn away to send the message that I dont want to be hugged. I have gotten better over the years, but I still feel like I have to feel things in my heart before I can hug anyone. It has to feel right LOL.. Hum.. That screams OCD