Please help...can't keep a job

Postby Blue102 » Mon Apr 25, 2005 2:45 pm

Hi, I'm a 25 year old college graduate who can't keep a job. I have two college degrees and I'm working on a third. I've been through about 7 menial jobs in the last year. I have had depression and anxiety in the past, along with some other weird symptoms in high school that were almost schizotypal. (I went on antidepressants and those symptoms have since gone away.) I'm fine now, taking Zoloft...I'm married, I think I have great social skills (in fact I am nicer than most other people out there), and all I want to do is have a job where I can use my skills and get along with people. I dress nice and am, in fact, quite pretty. I just don't understand why people don't seem to like me.

Am I going crazy? Here's the thing..I get along fine with guys...but women are terrible to me. Every time I get a job, things go great at first, then the ladies start talking about me behind my back and making snide comments. Many times they are absolutely rude to my face. I can't deal with it. I'm terribly sensitive. Am I being paranoid?

I could give many examples...but I don't want this to be too long. Well right now I have an 'internship.' Basically I'm volunteering at a local organization, for free. I've been there three months, and things were fine. But recently the people in the office (women) have been making little jokes about me. I just got a phone call telling me not to bother coming in.

I am intelligent, nice, and I do a good job. Why am I having such horrible luck? I am getting so frustrated and depressed. Please, please, anyone, offer some insight. :cry:

Edit: I want to add too that I dress very conservatively and work-appropriate. I am not a slut and I am totally flat chested...so it's not boob jealousy!
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#1

Postby Lyndsay Swinton » Tue Apr 26, 2005 2:21 pm

Hi Blue102,

Thanks for your post. Unfortunately, from the information you give, I can't think of any obvious reasons why you are experiencing the behaviour from your current internship. other than there seem to be some pretty poor management practices going on. I would suggest that you find out more about why your free services are no longer required, as if there have been any gaps in your skills or behaviour, it is useful to know this. Saying that, it's highly likely that you've not done anything wrong, or need to take the behaviour personally!

Finding the right job is mostly about knowing what you want to do. I would suggest you read "What Color Is Your Parachute" in it's latest addition, as there are some valuable insights into how to narrow down what you want to do, workwise. At this point, I would not look "inside" for possible reasons why you've gone through 7 jobs, but instead focus your energy on figuring out what "good" job you want to do, and pursuing that.

It may be useful to find out more about depression and anxiety, so you can maybe make some changes in your life to improve your mental health. Follow this link to find out more...

Keep posting and let us know how you progress.

Warm Regards
Lyndsay
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#2

Postby flipper » Thu Apr 28, 2005 10:51 pm

Hi Blue

I have seen the type of behaviour exhibited by your female colleagues on numerous occasions in the workplace. The snide comments and talking behind your back are likely to be considerably less serious than you perceive. In my experience, women have a greater tendancy to a: chat, and b: become jealous quickly, than men. The fact is that they probably talk about everyone to a certain extent, and will bitch and catcall behind everyone's back. You may not notice this due to a certain preoccupation with what you feel is directed at you. From my perspective, I tend to get on better with women at work than I do with men, so I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with gravitating towards the opposite sex.

I suspect that your female colleages view your good education and physical attractiveness as something of a threat and respond to this by taking shelter in the solidarity they seem to have already established.
My advice would be to try to find ONE ally. A works night out is a good way to start the ball rolling. If you can get along and have a laugh after a drink or two this camaraderie can carry on into the workplace.

You can keep a job, by the way, its just a case of finding the right one.
I myself drifted from job to job for 4 years after graduating until I found the right one. my girlfriend has still not settled down yet at the age of 26.

Can you also perhaps give us an idea of the kind of comments/jokes that are being made about you? Often you will find that these are fundamentally based on the insecurities of the person making them.
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#3

Postby aaxilrod » Tue May 17, 2005 4:41 pm

Hello,
It's nice to know someone esle has the same problem. I am 32 years old and every job I have ever had has tried to fire me simply because 'they don't like me'. I am confused because I am always nice, polite, smile, say hello, and do a good job. Alot of times better than others doing the same job. But, I've been passed over on promotions and fired just because they don't like me. It is usually the girls, but I have problems with men too. For example, my previous job the Vice President office was directly accross from my cubicle. I heard him asking the owners if there was anyway they could fire me just because he didn't like me! He actually said 'She's productive, but I just don't like her!' The owner said if I was productive employee they can't fire me. I ended up leaving on my own because I found a higher paying job. The VP said 'Thank God now we don't have to do it. I never liked her.' I don't understand. I was always reliable, rarely called out, did a wonderful job and I found out I even knew more than others in my group! I always said hello and I was always nice.
But, I was called stupid and one senior member - a woman - thought I ratted her out for taking a long lunch and said she was trying to get me fired! She said I was sneaky because I am quiet. I NEVER ratted anyone out and I wouldn't do that because I just want to be liked and I try to get along with everyone. I showed team work once by helping another employee on a project. Another manager noticed and told my manager. My manager replied that it was I who didn't know what I was doing! NOT TRUE - I was helping someone else! I also heard that they wanted to fire me so bad but couldn't because 'I know my stuff'.
Well, then I started my new job. It was a consulting position. There is no traditional manager. We worked in groups and everyone you worked with evaluates you. Well, my first day there a girl introduced herself to me. Soon after she was going around telling everyone - 'ewe she's stupid ....'. Then she ended up being my coach! A coach is like a manager and does your review. She told everyone that no one liked me so they were going to try to fire me. She did my review. I got a below average review because she pointed out flimsy things that weren't even my responsibility to do and they did fire me! I tried to defend myself and was told I was trying to kiss up - fire her! All I did was try to point out that the accusations weren't true and they weren't my job title! In fact, I performed duties ABOVE and beyond my job title and I did a good job!
Well, I am 32 years old and I have no savings because I can't keep a job. It is getting scarey. I don't know what to do. Each time I get a job now I start living in fear of when they will realize they don't like me and fire me or try to or at least want to fire me.
Is it because I am too nice, maybe because I am quiet?
HELP!
Last edited by aaxilrod on Mon Oct 03, 2005 6:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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#4

Postby mel81 » Tue Aug 02, 2005 10:01 am

I was inspired to write a message after I read blue's experiences. Infact she sounds alot like myself. I am 23 and I have lost count of the jobs I have had. I either get really depressed and bored so I leave or I get sacked. This has happened four times now. I have experienced what it is like to have people talk about you, and to have it done right when you are sitting next to them, the blatent whispering and dirty looks.
The thing is, is that I think i'm not that bad. I have a long term boyfriend so I am not a totally hatable person surely. I know that women dont like me very much though, this is something I dont understand, but I have learned to live with.

Thinking back to when I was at school I was friends with boys but girls bullied me. This has never really changed. Most of all though, I have never had a proper female friend, infact now I dont have any friends- except my boyfriend. I have been to Uni and I have made friends but these have just been superficial - if you know what I mean. I personally see myself as fun, lively and easy going, but I feel my personality is fading fast.

It is a little reassuring that there are other people out there like me, however I am an only child too and I didnt know if there was some kind of connection with my inability to be liked and being an only child. I'm sure I will get some comment about being a spoilt brat now!! (lol) I think there maybe something lacking in social development or something.
All I know is that I have become depressed, nervous in social situations (i was outgoing) and very critical of myself especially since Ive been jobless. I would welcome anybodies comments, if they have any ideas whats wrong with me, or if anyone else feels the same.
p.s. Thanks for reading right to the end!!
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#5

Postby AJay » Thu Aug 25, 2005 1:23 am

Sorry to intrude - from a guy
I have/am suffering from exactly the same prob
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#6

Postby AJay » Thu Aug 25, 2005 1:37 am

I am suffering from exactly the same problem.
I haven't notice the blatant gossip, but i have suspected talk behind my back.
I changed my career from a printer to a web designer and all of the companies i have worked for as a web designer, i have experienced the exact same problems.
I am always keen, polite and helpful ( I do express my opinion, that’s my job). I have created some really good work that has benefited the company, but still i always lose the job.
I have also noticed that some of the most incompetent staff stay with the company for years.
My thoughts are that it is not what you know, but how others perceive you. Its all a game and we need to learn it, myself especially, I’m 38.
How do we learn this devious game?
Any answers?
Andy
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#7

Postby henza » Thu Aug 25, 2005 12:16 pm

i've been sacked from two jobs in a row and i'm feeling really down...

i've very relaxesd at work and i've never had a complaint and yet bosses don't seem to like me. i only want a part time job so i can have a steady income while i do freelance work but no managers seem to like me.

i've got a first class degree, and i'm enthusiatsic and i feel like sh*t at the moment...
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#8

Postby cool j » Thu Aug 25, 2005 1:09 pm

I am 31 and fed up, only just discovered this web site (seems like therapy to me!).

Anyway, I am a final year degree student who I would say is 'paranoid' I often feel as though - other people dislike me/or are talking about me. It obviously affects relationships both in and out of the workplace. The thing is, I am about to start a new job in 3 weeks - it sounds ideal and I want to stay. I have a small son and a mortgage to pay. I refuse to go to the doctors and take any sort of tabs - as I am scared of the side effects. The last job I had lasted 9 days (I left there a month ago!) - this is crazy.

Any tips for this desire to hand my notice in! :idea:
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#9

Postby henza » Thu Aug 25, 2005 1:13 pm

can we swap? i need and want a job...

argh and to add insult to injury i just cbought a ticket to leeds festival. my boyrifend says he won't speak to me if i go (very long story and i don't blame him really. and it's all to do with money) but if i don't go i'll waste the money and now i have no regular source of income to support myself...

should i tell my boyfriend i've lost a second job in as many months? he ain't gonna speak to me...
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#10

Postby cool j » Thu Aug 25, 2005 2:54 pm

henza

Nice to hear from you so soon. I think you should go to the Leeds Festival - you wouldnt be on this site if you didnt need your spirits lifted :) It's probably best not to tell your boyfriend about the other job you lost - if he's upset anyway.

You sound like a bright girl - what is your degree in? Sorry I am interested in all this stuff as I doing research on degrees for my dissertation.

I am 31, not sure how old you are. Anyway looking back over my career/s I think the best sort of work for us 'job hoppers' or 'face doesnt fitters' to go into is sales jobs ie working in a shop - as to be honest it's pretty fail proof. It's very sysmatic and you have a laugh (funny customers - shop banter) - Ok you dont need a degree but it builds confidence. I would go back to it tomorrow - but the hours don't suit my son.

There is a job out there with your name on it :D Part-time jobs can be tricky to find - if you get really stuck you could always work full-time then reduce your hours after a couple of months - just get your foot through the door.
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#11

Postby Fatimah Musa » Sun Aug 28, 2005 1:49 pm

Hi all,

Allow me to offer my opinion.

I found that women tend to gossip more than guys. When someone new comes in especially a woman, they start to look for any weakness and something to talk about. And the "seniors" will definitely find one or two issues. Whether she looks awesome or otherwise, does not matter.

If this new person happens to have something more than them and get more attention from the guys or the boss, they have more reason to dislike her and talk behind her back.

If she can endure the first three months going through the "ordeal" or unpleasant feelings, she will be able to move through her working life more smoothly.

If each time you start a new job, you will feel uncomfortable becuase you are in a new enviornment and with new people. And if each time you walk out of it before you really get to know each other and learn to enjoy what you are doing, you will tend to repeat this habit at any job.

There are people who have no choice but to stick to their jobs to put food on the table. These people will go through whatever "hell" and they will be able to face the challenges.

I suggest that you test your mental strenght by going through it. Learn to manage your emotions too. Don't let them overwhelm you and make you feel defeated.

Give yourself time to adjust and adapt, be reasonable about it, You can't stop people from talking or disliking you. But you can do something like improving your communication and relationship skills, to influence their thougths and perceptions.

In the end, whether they like you or otherwise, is not your loss.

Regards
Fatimah Musa
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#12

Postby cool j » Sun Aug 28, 2005 11:15 pm

What your saying is valid and would my thoughts entirely but when you are in the situation it is often easier to quit - and be the new girl again. Its just breaking the cycle that's the problem. :?
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#13

Postby spiritmessenger » Thu Sep 01, 2005 9:21 pm

Hello,

I just wanted to say that I wish I could look back at 25 and say I've had 7 jobs. I'm 22 and had about 15 or so not including the various temporary assignments. I do consider myself damn luck that I am with the NHS now because it is quite easy to move around if one job doesn't work out. Indeed, since joining in Nov 2003 I have had 3 different roles. Quite frightening when I put it like that. But nah I am not worried.

I think that people can get really jealous of people that are either more confident than them or better at doing things. I like to go around using my skills to make things work better at my place, but this makes people talk about me. I think it is because they are scared that I am going to show them up. I do find it strange that it is the women that do all the whispering, back-stabbing and bitching... the men just moan or take the mickey to my face which I can handle.

So in a way I kinda get your situation, but I have mainly dealt with it by moving on to the next job, which is great when you have this and other issues to deal with as it kills them all, but does no favours in the long-term.

In my present role I am finding that having the right people on my side and being honest with me helps, such as the heads of services, directors, etc. They are the people that matter and to hell with the rest of them... for now.
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#14

Postby Persephone » Sat Sep 03, 2005 2:29 pm

Nice reply Fatimah Musa :)
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