I am feeling pretty hopeless. I could really use some advice, I am completely lost. I really feel like I have NO reason to keep going on. Life has become a mater of passing time before sleep, and this is no way to live but I am not seeing how things can ever get better. I have ONE friend. She lives far away from me and is completing a PhD, working, married....she barely has time for me and frankly, I don't want to burden her and have her dread being around me. I've never had friends. I just don't know how to make friends. I've been alone since I was 10 years old and first realized I don't have friends. I've tried everything. I tried joining teams, clubs, volunteering, but I am always the odd man out and feel even worse. Its weird because people do seem like me, they usually don't have bad things to say, they just don't WANT to be around me. Sometimes I do make friends but they always go away. Sometimes they aren't friends at all, and are just using me for money or whatever, but at least its company. Right now though, one friend. I am reasonably attractive, or at least was until I gained like 50lbs in past year and a half, so I've dated men to find company. I did have a great 10 yera relationship but he left me. The next guy I dated was abusive, controlling and a freeloader. I had to move in the middle of the night to ditch him. The next guy I dated same thing. He doesn't hit me but he calls me names all the time over the littlest things. He spit in my face yesterday and trashed my house. I called the police and he in in jail now. and I am alone. Nice guys dont want to be with me. I have tried. Between the first abusive guya nd the second I did try to date guys I knew, or thought were nice guys..my one friend actually was surprised at the guys I chose because she considered them geeky or fat or unattrative but I wanted someone with a good heart and they all played me. Thats why I stayed with new guy, he may be mean sometimes, too often and very very mean but most times he isn't and I am not alone. And that's not even it. Last year I started my master's degree and i couldn't do it, i was too depressed....i was broke and sad and always fighting with my boyfriend so I got kicked out...trying to find a job for 2 month and i can't. I loko everyday, everyday for 6-8 hours I keep doing and nothing. I'm starving, im getting evicted im gonna lose cable anyday, and thats one of few things ihave to take mind off things....my family is broke and i am not close wtihg anyone but my mother who demads so much...she's short on rent, needs this and that and i am starving all the time and having to worry about her and she calls all day long and complains and complains and i can't take it.....even if get work, what's the point if i am completely incapable of having a social life....I've been trying at it for 20 years.....i know i am going to be alone forever...i just feel hopeless....oh annd i have the wosrt credit, constant crediot phone calls....i am either going to file bankruptcy or do consumer proposal.