When I was a kid, I couldn't see things unless they were threatening enough. My parents were always fighting. As I got older, I studied people's behavior so much that I was more and more able to relax. My mind still focuses on random phrases that might be about me from people in my surroundings though, sometimes causing me to miss social cues. For the most part, people can't tell that I am much different than them and I don't have much trouble getting the reactions I want from people. I used to be really stoic but I have gotten in the habit of showing emotion when people expect me to (but not negative emotions - not because I am suppressing them but because I understand everything about the situation and nothing is surprising)
I am a computational theorist (type of mathematician) and I understand a lot of high level reasoning that can be applied to many different disciplines. Thus I really have a lot of interesting things to say on a lot of different subjects. I also have spent a lot of time debating with others, and know how to word things to be persuasive.
I always felt with the knowledge level that I have, I should be a much better conversationalist especially in groups. One on one I am pretty good, but I miss social cues all the time especially when it comes to dating. It's like even though I understand so much I am still stuck observing every detail of my surroundings just to get that last .00001 percent of understanding.
Well enter alcohol and all the suddenly become a cult leader or something. I never miss any social cue, and the wide bank of persuasive techniques is put to full use. In dating, I think of a nonstop stream of clever quips. In group situations I entertain and amaze with profound ideas and imagery.
But alcohol is dangerous, and because of these effects it has become rather addictive to me. What else can I do? Is there a safer drug that might work for someone in my condition?