Help, I'm verbally abusive

Postby Lilaclily » Tue Jul 17, 2012 7:45 pm

So here's the deal. My bf doesn't always call or pay attention to me. When this happens I tend to get very verbally abusive. I say the things that really get under his skin.

If we don't talk for a day, it doesn't bother me, but if it's day 2 or 3 then I start to get really angry. It wasn't always like this. I used to feel safe and secure in the relationship and now I don't. This pattern happens in all my relationships. He says that it doesn't have to do with me that he just needs time for himself and "space", but a nagging feeling keeps telling me that it's my fault he doesn't want to spend time with me or call.

In either case, the verbal abuse on my end is getting ridiculous. I don't feel good about myself afterwards. I keep making empty threats like "It's over" and "I'm never going to talk to you again." The next day I talk to him and apologize for all the hurtful things I've said. I think I do it to get him mad and hope that he calls back even if he's angry.

I don't want to leave him. He's the only person I've got. I live in a neighborhood and area where I don't really connect with people or have friends. We're doing the long-distance thing and I'm so lonely in my new place.

I would really appreciate some advice on how I can control myself and tongue better.

Thanks. :)
Lilaclily
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2012 7:34 pm
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby ewankoba888 » Thu Jul 19, 2012 9:51 am

Hi! I am so sad about your story. i feel for my self too. i see myself to you. me too experiencing that and i think its not good. my boyfriend too suffers for my being abusive verbally sometimes. just that sometimes if he doesn't call i am thinking I am not getting the attention i deserve in our relationship. I understand you.
ewankoba888
Junior Member
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2012 7:55 am
Likes Received: 0

#2

Postby Old Rose » Sat Jul 21, 2012 9:06 am

Lilaclily wrote:So here's the deal. My bf doesn't always call or pay attention to me. When this happens I tend to get very verbally abusive. I say the things that really get under his skin.

If we don't talk for a day, it doesn't bother me, but if it's day 2 or 3 then I start to get really angry. It wasn't always like this. I used to feel safe and secure in the relationship and now I don't. This pattern happens in all my relationships. He says that it doesn't have to do with me that he just needs time for himself and "space", but a nagging feeling keeps telling me that it's my fault he doesn't want to spend time with me or call.

In either case, the verbal abuse on my end is getting ridiculous. I don't feel good about myself afterwards. I keep making empty threats like "It's over" and "I'm never going to talk to you again." The next day I talk to him and apologize for all the hurtful things I've said. I think I do it to get him mad and hope that he calls back even if he's angry.

I don't want to leave him. He's the only person I've got. I live in a neighborhood and area where I don't really connect with people or have friends. We're doing the long-distance thing and I'm so lonely in my new place.

I would really appreciate some advice on how I can control myself and tongue better.

Thanks. :)



Hi. Sorry to hear about your problems. There are quite a few issues in there.

Firstly you mention that you are becoming verbally abusive and that you are quite isolated. The two things could be connected. Maybe as you feel so isolated you are looking to your boyfriend to fulfil all your needs and make you happy. This is a bit unfair on him and could be a bit stifling. Being isolated, you need to find useful things to do with your time. Perhaps you could spend it by looking for help with the verbal abuse. You could speak to your doctor, find self help groups or forums or read as much information as you can about the subject and see what you can do to help yourself. By the way, you have taken a massive step in recognising that you are being abusive. Many people never take that first step and it is this that is that catalyst for major change in these situations.

Also, it would be a good idea to talk (calmly) to your boyfriend about just how isolated and alone you feel and maybe you could agree how often you will speak. Perhaps on the days you are not going to speak you could agree to send a couple of texts just to say something nice to each other or just say how your day is going rather than becoming so insecure that you threaten to dump him.

Also, you say you don't really connect with people in your neighbourhood. If this is the case, maybe you could still spend some time out and about say going to shops, cafes, the library etc where you will be surrounded by people for some of the time. Sometimes that is all that is needed and you can speak to people if you feel up to it, or not if you don't. Sometimes a few smiles from strangers make all the difference.

Hope this helps in some way.

Rose
Old Rose
Junior Member
 
Posts: 57
Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2012 10:04 am
Likes Received: 0



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Relationships