32 year old quitting weed after 17 years (Day 2)

Postby Perilous3D » Thu Aug 16, 2012 4:34 pm

Hello all,

I have been smoking weed since the age of 15 years old and have had a love/hate relationship with it since the beginning. It's always been there for me but has also hindered me in many ways. Now, 17 years later, I look at the time I have lost and the shock of my ageing body in the mirror really makes me realize that I am ready to quit. I just don't know how to cope with life without it. I've never really had to before. I've been using it mostly to calm my nerves and suppress my anger but now that I'm letting go of it, it's clear that I don't have the skills that I need to deal with life the way a typical non-smoker would have learned to do on their own over the years.

I have 2 small children (1.5 and 3 years old) who sadly have to watch their father go through hell and back every day while trying to deal with this. I'm partly quitting for them but mostly for me. There's a lot of guilt associated with the use of weed regarding my children. I don't remember when they were born. I wasn't all there mentally and though I wasn't stoned at the time, that burned out feeling prevented me from really absorbing the experience. It didn't permeate my being like so many other people say in their newborn stories. I look back at videos and pictures of when they were born and you could just tell by looking at me that there was nothing going on behind those dead eyes. Just a vacant, zombie-like expression. If it wasn't me, I'd feel bad for that guy. Thank goodness I took those pictures and videos though or I might not be able to remember the experience at all.

I am lucky in the sense that I have a very supportive partner who also smokes weed but she's only been doing it chronically since we got together. (more reason to feel guilty). She's also willing to quit if it will help me and our relationship together. It's not a big deal for her to quit because she knows it won't be as hard for her to do. She's more worried about me. She's great though, she's my rock. Lately she's been offering me blowjobs and sex to change my frame of mind when I get down even though sometimes that's the last thing I want to do. When I get down and depressed, I don't want to be touched or even looked at let alone partake in sex. But I must admit it does help sometimes. It's a somewhat healthy alternative I suppose.

The big challenge for me has been in two parts:

A) Handling emotions I've never had to deal with before (depression, very bad anger, confusion). When the kids stress me out to the point of yelling or losing my cool, I would normally go smoke a bowl and calm down. Change my frame of mind and thought process. It works but the consequences make it not worthwhile and I know I'm not learning how to deal with it properly. My kids can sense when something is bothering me and I'm having a bad day (like now) and they just get worse themselves. And scream. And freakout. Ugh... :cry:

B) Association: I can't do anything without it reminding me of weed. I can't drink alcohol or coffee or even smoke a cigarette or play video games without wanting to smoke weed along with them. Forget social gatherings. I find myself just not doing these things at all anymore. I've read a lot of posts on this forum about treating yourself to something you've always wanted but never had the time or money to do because of the addiction. I don't see how that's possible. I've lost interest in almost everything I've enjoyed since I've begun to quit. It's like I don't even enjoy life anymore without it. I suppose this is normal but it doesn't make it any easier.

Anyway, I told myself I wasn't going to write a huge novel but here I am doing exactly that. I'm hoping that others might be experiencing something similar to this particular end of the addiction spectrum that I'm experiencing and might offer some advice or direction. I must admit right now I feel helpless and that I would totally go out and smoke right now if I could.

Here's a link to a video on my youtube which quotes George Carlin saying something truly insightful about weed. He nailed it right on because this is exactly how I feel about it at this point in my life.

[I had posted a link here but the forum wants me to write 30 posts and wait 7 days first. Just go to youtube and search Perilous3D. In my videos you will see one called "George Carlin on Cannabis"]

Thank you for this forum! Just writing and rereading this has already helped me in a few ways and allowed me to self-reflect.

Perilous
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#1

Postby Typo808 » Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:06 pm

Perilous,
Hi there. How are you doing? You've seen better days? Yeah, me too. I understand. I'm 33yrs of chronic use, since the age of 13. I used it for all the same reasons you did. Escape, deal with stress, etc.

Man, don't beat yourself up over this. It is what it is. We cannot change the past no matter how bad we feel about it. It's done. Take what you feel and focus on making your future better.

Right now, it wouldn't be a good thing to deal with anger without having an outlet. Channel those negative feelings for a positive gain. Hit a bag, go for a walk/run uphill, try to get a good muscle "burn"-all out physical exertion. That will help to release endorphins to naturally calm you down. Have a project to work on that interest you, even if you are only interested in it for a bit. If that be the case, have many different hobbies or projects to work on in case some of them don't interest you at the moment. In other words, get busy! The less you have to occupy your mind the more time you will think about how you feel.

This is the perfect opportunity to re-invent yourself. "make your weakness your strength"

Some people have recommended Theanine to help balance your emotions. Might help, might not. I DO believe the support you have can help carry you through this. Take your eyes off yourself and put it on others.

Man, you got a great family and what a supportive wife. I quit totally on my own with no friends and no partner. Just this forum. And I quit 22 yrs of tobacco use at the same time. You CAN do this.

Post, read, post, read. It works, Perilous.

BTW, if my add my .00002, that name is just wrong, You are not perilous.

Post, read, post, read. You CAN do this. We are here to support you.

Write back. The more you vent here the better.
Typo808
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#2

Postby Perilous3D » Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:29 pm

Hi Typo,

Thanks for the quick response. I wasn't expecting to write back so soon but you've definitely inspired me to do so.

You're absolutely right about channelling it forward and trying not to stay so focused on myself. It seems like over the years, we get used to living in our own heads and forget the fact that there's a whole world out there outside of ourselves. I have a hard time talking about this stuff in person with anyone so this forum has really been a beacon of hope for me. I will try to take your advice about venting more. It definitely does help.

I have a question about the punching bag. Funny you mentioned that because the last week or so that's what I've been looking for on classified ads. My concern, and I've heard this so many times before, is that you start to depend on the bag to take out your frustrations. And when you're frustrated or angry and the bag is not there, you don't have that outlet. Some people say that it just makes you more violent than before. Do you find this to be the case? What's your take on this?

I will look into this Theanine stuff later and get back to you on this. I have to prepare for a full day of going out and expending energy I don't have. Boohoo right? :P

As for the name, it's actually not to do with me really. It's kind of a quote from an Incubus song and somewhat relevant at the same time:

Not two days ago,
I was having a look
in a book
and I saw a picture of a guy
fried up above his knee.
I said, "I can relate,"
cause lately I've been thinking of combustication
as a welcome vacation from
the burdens of
the planet Earth.
like gravity, hypocrisy,
and the perils of being in 3D
but thinking so much differently.

Thinking so much differently, indeed. To me it represents the difficulties and struggles we face in life that all living things go through. It's the challenge of just being alive in 3 dimensions. :wink:

Thank you again for your response and your support. I respect your accomplishments so much. I can only hope to get halfway to where you are now. And I will do exactly what you say and post, read, post, read. What an amazing resource we have here.

Cheers,

Perilous

Edit: Btw, the song is "Pardon Me" by Incubus in case anyone is curious.
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#3

Postby 2 Old 2 B Buzzed Daily » Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:56 pm

Perilous3D wrote:Here's a link to a video on my youtube which quotes George Carlin saying something truly insightful about weed. He nailed it right on because this is exactly how I feel about it at this point in my life.

Perilous


George Carlin on Cannabis

Carlin shares a valuable insight on the use of cannabis and briefly explains how it went from being a life-changing drug to a hindrance.

:arrow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpe_b3UllqU

Thanks for the post and good luck on the journey.

:D


You might find these links a helpful read...

"A guide to quitting Marijuana and Hashish"
:arrow: http://www.droginfo.com/pdf/guideuk.pdf


"Getting Out of It: How to Cut Down or Quit Cannabis" (Australian)
:arrow: http://o.b5z.net/i/u/6136340/i/Getting_out_of_it.pdf
2 Old 2 B Buzzed Daily
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#4

Postby Typo808 » Thu Aug 16, 2012 6:55 pm

Perilous3D wrote:Hi Typo,

I have a question about the punching bag. Funny you mentioned that because the last week or so that's what I've been looking for on classified ads. My concern, and I've heard this so many times before, is that you start to depend on the bag to take out your frustrations. And when you're frustrated or angry and the bag is not there, you don't have that outlet. Some people say that it just makes you more violent than before. Do you find this to be the case? What's your take on this?


I guess it could if one chooses to become violent. Never experienced this as I've had a bag aorund me since I can rememebr. I have been into martial arts since the age of 5. Several disciplines. I use it to maintain my techniques and not to vent. Sure, it feels good to hit the bag when I'm pissed off but I use the bag to focus on something else rather than what is making me angry. It is the process.

I also ride both bicycles and motorcycles. Does this make me worried that I'll run someone over because I use both to expel my energy? It is all a choice on why we do what we do. Sure, one could get good at hitting a bag and become confident in their punching skills. Does this mean that person is more likely to get into a fight? I don't think so. People who fight will fight regardless and those that don't, won't.

I might be well off the mark with my answers here. My sensei's have always taught me "Because you can fight well, does not mean you fight. What it means to be a good fighter is to become even better at not fighting."

Its all a choice. We choose to let people piss us off, we choose not to let people piss us off. I have never looked at the bag as a way to vent. Maybe that's why I have walked away from many morons that "deserved" to get their bell rung. Use it to perfect your jab, your combo, hit it until your arms feel like rubber.

But if you learn to use it as a vent, the next person who you let piss you off will become the bag and you will vent on them. Not good.

Hope that helps.
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#5

Postby Perilous3D » Thu Aug 16, 2012 11:54 pm

Thanks for posting my link for me, 2 Old and for the useful PDFs. I've only just started reading them but so far there is some very valuable information in them and a lot of stuff I was not aware of. I'll post something about this when I'm done reading (I'm a slooooow reader :oops:)
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#6

Postby Perilous3D » Fri Aug 17, 2012 12:06 am

Typo808 wrote:Its all a choice. We choose to let people piss us off, we choose not to let people piss us off. I have never looked at the bag as a way to vent. Maybe that's why I have walked away from many morons that "deserved" to get their bell rung. Use it to perfect your jab, your combo, hit it until your arms feel like rubber.


Well said, sir. There's a lot of wisdom in that statement. Given your background, I can see how it would come naturally for you to release that energy as you train rather than using the bag specifically to vent. That's exactly what I needed to know, thank you and it's what I figured. When the bag is not there, you're going to punch something else like drywall :?

Martial arts have definitely crossed my mind as a way to occupy my brain and body while I go through the withdrawals. Just out of curiosity, what particular martial arts are you trained in? I've done a little bit of Karate, Aikido and Jeet Kune Do but nothing long term. Do you find it helps with your overall day-to-day mental and emotional state as well? I imagine there must be a huge element of self-discipline which would compliment the metamorphosis.
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#7

Postby Perilous3D » Fri Aug 17, 2012 12:20 am

A thought occurred to me today:

Those of us who spent the majority of our lives intoxicated might find that being sober becomes the trip. Does that make sense? It's like just being my un-high self is an adventure. It's weird. Can't properly explain what I mean at the moment.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking, and I know I'm only at the end of Day 2, but I surprisingly found myself laughing more today, smiling more, less stressed than I would be if I was relying on weed to relieve my anxiety. I was still thinking about smoking every 5 minutes and craving it pretty badly but there seemed to be something stirring in me that has not surfaced in a very, VERY long time... I was seeing things I never noticed while driving home. Unusual African-looking trees that just stood out against the landscape. Colors! Smells! It's like an acid trip lol only instead it's just real life. I'm also already noticing an improvement in my lung capacity. I can breathe a little better.

The downside? Headaches, exhaustion, loss of appetite... but so far it's been worth the sacrifice for even a tiny bit of noticeable improvement. I'll take what I can get.

Ok I've written enough for today. Back to reading...
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#8

Postby Typo808 » Fri Aug 17, 2012 9:18 am

Hey Perilous,
Good to hear your positive attitude towards this. It will go a looong way to helping you focus on what you need to do to succeed and not what is holding you back. It was the same for me: colours are more vivid, nature is more beautiful, everything just seemed "brighter". I can relate to being able to "see" things, simple things, that I have not noticed in a long time.

Write more, Perilous! There are lurkers who are reading what you post. It is slowly giving them the strength to join in, make the statement of " I will quit weed" and then the fortitude to follow through.

Hey, lurkers! Come join the party of life that is just beginning! We want to hear YOUR story!


Typo808
Perilous, sent you a PM.
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#9

Postby CaptainReg » Fri Aug 17, 2012 4:17 pm

I'm lurking! :)
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#10

Postby Spacer » Fri Aug 17, 2012 8:37 pm

I have smoked weed for about 35 years, and cookies for about last 5 years, and I also smoked tobacco until about 5-6 years ago, and quit smoking both at same time because of chest pain.
I quit the cookies about a week ago.
I feel terrible right now, sore muscles, back ache, head ache, nausea, frequent diarea, a bit stressed.
None of the symptoms started until yesterday, so I was able to go to the office for most of the week.
They depend on me at work, so if I still feel terrible in a few days I am going to have to eat a little cookie.
Most of the things I've noticed regarding weed use have been said in this forum, but here is what I noticed, for the record.
THC makes me feel good, takes the edge off and makes me more creative.
I've never had a car accident while high, in fact there are many times when I felt more aware of my surroundings.
With a little bit of cookie a can be quite sociable, with more I tend to prefer to be alone, to get into a book or enjoy nature or to contemplate reality.
Those are the good things.
The bad things are,
You can get busted (I have a few times), which can cost money and limit your travel options.
You may be creative, but not as intelligent, not sure about everyone, but certainly applies to me.
Your short term memory suffers, and that can be frustrating and embarrassing.
So if your job requires few brain cells it probably doesn't matter much.
It's hard on the lungs, especially if you put tobacco in your joints, that nasty habit will catch up to you sooner or later.
Cookies are a better choice, but they are so easy to eat that you may find yourself high most of the time, not to mention fatter - they create more munchies IMO.
The reason I've stopped the cookies is that I'm tired of my intellect being less sharp, plus I'm tired of not remembering my dreams, plus there are times when I feel less sociable than I would like to be.
In the last week I've been having vivid dreams, and I feel guilty not having that recall because I feel dreams help you understand yourself.
I'm pretty sure I am going to be successful at quitting for good now, because I really want to throw in the towel, I'd like to spend my remaining years clean.
I don't even have to worry about being in company of users because they are used to me not smoking and I never carry around cookies, there was never a need to since the high lasted for hours.
I wish all you guys all the best in your decisions and hope that my experience might be of some worth.
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#11

Postby Perilous3D » Fri Aug 17, 2012 9:47 pm

Today has definitely been a more challenging day. I can't say that the cravings or withdrawals are worse, they're about the same as yesterday. The headaches got worse though starting last night and have not went away since. I normally don't take any pharmaceuticals (I'm the same way, 808) if I don't have to but last night I was desperate to get some sleep and took 2 tylenols. I felt I had no choice or I wouldn't have slept at all. I have a lot of tension in my jaw for some reason which is probably causing or worsening the headaches and I'm grinding my teeth a lot. I'm also feeling pretty nauseous today which normally I would immediately go smoke some herb to cure but now I don't have that option anymore. So I'm just trying to ride it out. My brain feels like it's completely fried and though my cognitive functions are improving, as are my verbal skills, it's a very slow-going process. I'm definitely having trouble staying positive today but I'm not even close to giving up. I'm too stubborn for that. :P

Last night before bed I printed out the two PDF documents that 2 Old recommended in his previous post. They really helped me, A LOT! There was tons of stuff in there that I needed to know but wasn't aware of, namely the physiological effects that the drug has on my brain and body. I tend to be pretty cerebral so this slightly more technical stuff helped me to understand the nature of my addiction even though I had to re-read some stuff a few times before it got properly absorbed. I found the Swedish translation amusing and the Australian expressions like "heaps" and "stuffed up" made me laugh. They gave it an air of lightness at a time where I was trying to be a little too serious. :) I'm a big believer in humor as a medicine so laughing at the little things goes a long way for me. The workshop style of the bigger document was nice in the sense that it gave me a concrete way to channel my efforts. I'm sure I'll be reading them again and again in order to review my progress and stay on track.

I've been taking St. John's Wort in tablet form since I quit and I'd like to say it's helping but I don't really "feel" the effects just yet. It might be taking the edge off but I have no real basis for comparison. Some stuff I read about it online suggests that it takes a while to kick in the same as a more traditional anti-depressant drug would. I also did a bit of research on this Thiamine stuff that 808 recommended for balancing my moods. It seems to be one of the active ingredients in Green Teas which, lucky for me, we have tons of in the house. I'd rather consume it in a more natural form if possible. My wife is a bit of an apothecary and a big believer in natural medicines so we have a good supply of it on hand. I will be incorporating that into my daily routine soon. Apparently, Thiamine also synergizes very well with caffeine which is a good thing since I'm not even close to being ready to give up my coffee.

Work has been hard to do today. I'm having trouble staying motivated and I'm confronted by that feeling of just giving up. But I won't... I know I have a long road ahead of me but I'm still encouraged about it deep down despite having a rough day. I need to stay focused because I know that the hard part is still ahead during weeks 2 and 3, as per the PDFs.

HANG IN THERE!
(saying this to myself and everyone else that's reading)
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#12

Postby Perilous3D » Fri Aug 17, 2012 10:22 pm

Typo808 wrote:Write more, Perilous! There are lurkers who are reading what you post. It is slowly giving them the strength to join in, make the statement of " I will quit weed" and then the fortitude to follow through.

No pressure! lol, it's ok. Anything I can do to pay it forward, I will do so. I am already in debt to you all and to the Forum creators for this invaluable resource.

CaptainReg wrote: I'm lurking! :)

So that was YOU watching me from the bushes last night while I showered?! :P

Spacer wrote:I have smoked weed for about 35 years, and cookies for about last 5 years, and I also smoked tobacco until about 5-6 years ago, and quit smoking both at same time because of chest pain.
I quit the cookies about a week ago.
I feel terrible right now, sore muscles, back ache, head ache, nausea, frequent diarea, a bit stressed.
None of the symptoms started until yesterday, so I was able to go to the office for most of the week.
They depend on me at work, so if I still feel terrible in a few days I am going to have to eat a little cookie.
Most of the things I've noticed regarding weed use have been said in this forum, but here is what I noticed, for the record.
THC makes me feel good, takes the edge off and makes me more creative.
I've never had a car accident while high, in fact there are many times when I felt more aware of my surroundings.
With a little bit of cookie a can be quite sociable, with more I tend to prefer to be alone, to get into a book or enjoy nature or to contemplate reality.
Those are the good things.
The bad things are,
You can get busted (I have a few times), which can cost money and limit your travel options.
You may be creative, but not as intelligent, not sure about everyone, but certainly applies to me.
Your short term memory suffers, and that can be frustrating and embarrassing.
So if your job requires few brain cells it probably doesn't matter much.
It's hard on the lungs, especially if you put tobacco in your joints, that nasty habit will catch up to you sooner or later.
Cookies are a better choice, but they are so easy to eat that you may find yourself high most of the time, not to mention fatter - they create more munchies IMO.
The reason I've stopped the cookies is that I'm tired of my intellect being less sharp, plus I'm tired of not remembering my dreams, plus there are times when I feel less sociable than I would like to be.
In the last week I've been having vivid dreams, and I feel guilty not having that recall because I feel dreams help you understand yourself.
I'm pretty sure I am going to be successful at quitting for good now, because I really want to throw in the towel, I'd like to spend my remaining years clean.
I don't even have to worry about being in company of users because they are used to me not smoking and I never carry around cookies, there was never a need to since the high lasted for hours.
I wish all you guys all the best in your decisions and hope that my experience might be of some worth.

Thanks for sharing your story, Spacer. It helps a lot to know other people are going through a similar experience. I have never tried cookies only made brownies a couple times but I would imagine it is relatively the same idea. In fact, before I made the decision to quit, I was going to go down the route of vaporizers and all that but I decided instead to just take the plunge and quit cold turkey. I would suggest to do what works best for you as an individual. Everyone is different... some might benefit more from cutting down gradually others need to just man-up and do what they say they're going to do, like me. I opted for the latter because I've been disappointing myself for years now saying that I'm going to give it up and never did. I'm tired of letting myself and those around me down. It's time to be proud of myself for a hard-earned accomplishment for once.

Your story strikes a chord in me. I've read somewhat similar stories before and I don't know how you guys do it. I haven't been able to function on weed for a long time now. I couldn't imagine being high ever day at work, even with cookies. Sometimes when I got stressed out at work I would smoke a doob to take the edge off but it almost always made the job harder to do, not to mention the whole marble-mouth thing. Maybe that was just me.

The negative repercussions of smoking you mentioned could not be closer to the truth! I personally experienced almost all of them and if you end up reading those documents that 2 Old posted, you'll see how us chronic users experience many of the same effects, like 95% will be checked off.

"The reason I've stopped the cookies is that I'm tired of my intellect being less sharp, plus I'm tired of not remembering my dreams, plus there are times when I feel less sociable than I would like to be." Those are very good reasons to quit and I'm positive they are shared by a lot of us.

I hope to hear from you again, Spacer. Keep us updated! Use 808's advice and READ, POST, READ, POST, he knows what he's talking about. Use this forum to vent and express yourself. It helps a lot! Good luck!
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#13

Postby Perilous3D » Sat Aug 18, 2012 7:03 pm

Holy guacamole! I actually slept last night. And slept good at that! I slept in until almost 2pm, which is a rare treat, and I could have kept sleeping but I told myself I needed to get up and enjoy at least a portion of my day. My son is off visiting his grandparents for the weekend and my wife was watching our daughter while she worked (we work from home) and put her for an early nap so I could get some rest. Wow! What a difference in my overall outlook. I almost feel good.

The dreams are getting more intense but I'm getting used to them now so it's not that big a deal anymore. Damn, they are so weird though. I used to dream on weed from time to time but never like this.

My first night off weed I dreamed of an old friend who came over to an apartment I had not lived in for over 10 years. He insisted on getting as drunk as possible, which is something he would do. He then started getting sick and puked all over my carpet. Naturally, I got pissed off and gave him hell which only made him drink more and get violent to the point where my entire apartment was covered in raspberry vomit. I woke up asking myself: "WTF?" but I think a few of those elements represent what I'm going through and my fear of slipping and becoming violent/enraged myself.

Last night I had a lot of dreams but can only remember one specifically. I was back in grade school, surrounded by my old classmates. I was still the grown person I am now but they had become toddlers again. It was freakin weird to see all these people, the same faces but on tiny little bodies. I was charged with the task of taking care of them for some reason. There's probably more symbolism there but I can't focus long enough to figure it out.

My mother-in-law has come over to stay for the weekend and, I know what you're thinking, but she's not your typical mother-in-law. She used to hook us up with weed and we would get drunk and stoned together usually when she'd come over. So the challenge is not being stressed out by her but rather to avoid falling into the same habits we used to do together for fun. She's not even close to ready to give up pot so today is going to be my first day around another addict. I'm confident that I won't crack because I've come too far and as I said in my last post, I'm too stubborn to give up now.

For me so far, Day 4 has been easier than Day 3 but harder than Day 2. The headaches continue as I expected but I'm not gonna let them get me down. The wife and I are going out tonight for the first time in forever, even if just to practice her driving (she just got her license) and it feels good to plan something that doesn't revolve around getting high first for a change.

Cheers all and thank you again. STAY ON TARGET!

Mathieu aka Perilous3D
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#14

Postby Perilous3D » Sun Aug 19, 2012 11:26 pm

I went to my niece's birthday party today. It was a very large family gathering. Lots of noise. Lots of people I didn't particularly want to see right now because of their judgemental nature.

Everyone was surprisingly pleasant except of course my a**hole uncle who has always given me a hard time since my teens. He's always felt that I was a bad influence on his son (my cousin who's a few years younger) and that I started him down the road of weed addiction. It's not like kids will be kids or anything, no it's gotta be entirely my fault. He's never let me live it down.

Dark clouds came over us and it started to pour so we had to take the party indoors. I have a very expensive SLR camera so my first priority was not napkins or wooden chairs, it was to get my camera inside asap so it doesn't get ruined. He had to make snippy comment as I went in the house: "Don't bother bringing anything inside with you, Matt" in a sarcastic voice. This INFURIATED me where I would normally just brush it off. The rest of the day was pretty much ruined, in my mind. I've been in a bitch ever since. I have never wanted to smoke so bad since I started the quitting process.

We left early and on the way home everyone on the road was pissing me off. Going too slow. Tailing me. Then the kids started to scream and cry. I felt like I was going to lose my sh**. We got home and I went to smoke a cigarette. I don't feel any better. I still want to smoke weed really bad right now to de-stress and quickly get over this emotion. But I can't. I don't know what to do. I want to get drunk or something. Anything to drown out this feeling.

This is by far the hardest day yet and all because of a stupid comment some unconscientious idiot relative made. I could have wrung his f***ing neck! It was close. I'm having a really hard time right now. Send some strength my way guys... I need it.

Mathieu
Perilous3D
Full Member
 
Posts: 126
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 4:01 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada
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