WORKPLACE (serial) BULLY...I've had enough!

Postby littlebigman » Wed Jul 06, 2005 2:12 am

Well before I quit or get fired I would like to know what you think will happen when I hand my boss a paper and say"read it because it's you" ...sorry it's very long and I'm the latest target. Thanks in advance

Workplace Bullying Information

How to Identify a Workplace Bully

Bullying is an obsessive compulsive disorder, the serial bully and his/her henchmen must have someone to bully and appear to be unable to survive without a current victim. Despite the facade such people put up, a bully has low self-confidence and poor self-esteem. Because these people feel inadequate and unable to fulfil the duties and obligations of their job, they fear being revealed. This fear of exposure borders on paranoia, and serial bullies are in reality sociopaths.

In the workplace, serial bullies aspire and are often promoted to the managerial level. Bullies become bosses not the other way around. In a workplace where upper management is removed or currupt, where employees are degraded, there is little job security, disparent treatment abounds, and job expectations are unclear, bullies thrive and workers suffer. Little real work ever gets accomplished.

In the US, there are laws to prevent certain types of harassment as it is directed toward groups. Many people who are actully victims of a bully are able to claim protected group status under the law and win redress. Harassment of protected groups is covered under the law, but still very hard to prove. If you are being truly bullied however, there are no laws to protect you. Compare harassment and bullying and see where your situation fits.

* Harassment has a strong physical component, eg contact and touch in all its forms, intrusion into personal space and possessions, damage to possessions including a person's work. * Bullying is primarily psychological (eg criticism), may become physical later, especially with male bullies, but almost never with female bullies. Then it becomes assault pure and simple. If this happens to you or in front of you, go the authorities and file a complaint, even if it's just your word against the bully's. No job is worth that.

* Harassment tends to focus on the individual because of what they are (eg female, black, disabled, etc) * With bullying, anyone will do, especially if they are competent, popular and vulnerable.

* Harassment is usually linked to sex, race, prejudice, discrimination, etc. * To the bully, sex, race, gender play little or no part; it's usually discrimination on the basis of competence.

* Harassment may consist of a single incident or a few incidents or many incidents. * Bullying is rarely a single incident and tends to be an accumulation of many small incidents.

* The person who is being harassed knows almost straight away they are being harassed * The person being bullied may not realise they are being bullied for weeks or months - until there's a moment of enlightenment.

* Everyone can recognise harassment, especially if there's an assault, indecent assault or sexual assault. * Few people recognise bullying. This is why it is much more difficult to gain support from your family, co-workers, potential attorneys, even union reps.

* Harassment often reveals itself through use of recognised offensive vocabulary. ("bitch", "coon", etc). * Workplace bullying tends to fixate on trivial criticisms and false allegations of underperformance, or trouble-making; offensive words rarely appear, although swear words may be used in private.

* There's often an element of possession, eg as in stalking. * Phase 1 of bullying is control and subjugation; when this fails, phase 2 is elimination of the victim.

* The harassment almost always has a strong clear focus (eg sex or race). * With bullying, the focus is on competence (envy) and popularity (jealousy).

* Often the harassment is for peer approval, bravado, macho image etc. * Bullying tends to be secret behind closed doors with no witnesses.

* Harassment takes place both in and out of work. * Bullying takes place largely at work.

* The harasser often perceives their victim as easy, albeit sometimes a challenge. * To the bully, the victim is seen as a threat who must first be controlled and subjugated, and if that doesn't work, eliminated!

* Harassment is often domination for superiority. * Bullying is for control of threat (of exposure of inadequacy).

* The harasser often lacks self-discipline. * The bully is driven by envy (of abilities) and jealousy (of relationships).

* The harasser often has specific inadequacies (eg sexual). * The bully is inadequate in the area of interpersonal skills/Anti-social personality disorder.

JEALOUSY (of relationships or perceived exclusion therefrom) and ENVY (of abilities) are strong motivators of bullying.!!!


***A favorite tactic of bullies is to falsely accuse his/her victim of something so outrageous that the victim is stunned with humiliation. The decent or religious worker is accused of viewing pornography at work, the dignified moral worker is accused of sexual misdoings, the liberatian is charged with being a racist, the most honest worker is branded a thief. It doesn't really matter that the bully often can't make the charges stick, the harm is already done. There's that element of guilt by association placed in the minds of others. Bullies do this to assure the victim's Subjugation, Elimination, or even better to the bully, Ruination! Bullies are masters of projection so they never run out of terrible things, from their own lives, to accuse others of. Real Sick Isn't It?
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Postby Lyndsay Swinton » Fri Jul 08, 2005 1:15 pm

Hi Littlebigman,

Thanks for your post and welcome to the forum.

We've had a few people concerned about bullying at work - take some time to read through the posts in this forum and you will find some excellent advice on how to deal with bullying at work, and learn about other's experience of being bullied.

To comment on your question.... your plan to show your boss the report on how to recognise bullying is not going to change their behaviour or make your relationship with your boss any easier. However appealing your plan is, there are more subtle and effective ways of dealing with bullying. If you've never spoken to your boss about their behaviour before, you are going to provoke a strong defensive/aggressive reaction, as calling someone a bully is a strong accusation to make. Although you're unlikely to get fired, I'd suggest you're better off taking another approach (which I guess you know anyway.....)

Take some time to read through the other posts on bullying and let us know how you get on, and what you plan to do.

Warm Regards
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Postby linda » Sat Jul 30, 2005 10:03 am

Hi Littlebigman,

I'm new to the forum and joined as I am having so much trouble at work.

I work with three guys, all of them are bullies!!!! Recently, we hired another girl and they treat her very bad too. They not only do not train her but gets very annoyed when she asks questions and make fun of her. I thought maybe it was me before, now I recognise they are bullies! My boss is incompetent and complains all the time and calls everyone stupid. There are double standards and the girls are treated like nothing, nobody. We do all the work yet get no credit for. Now my boss is leaving as he is not capable at his job and does not even manage the department. However, he is very skilled at politics and networking and acts all nice and wonderful so nobody knows what's happening in our department, especially when we get all the work done! He has his favourite pet who comes to work at 9:30 and surfs the net and reads magazines while we are flat out. That pet even called the CEO stupid. The three guys all think they are wonderful and us girls stupid.

Anyway, the point to the story is that I'm now looking for another job. When you are being bullied and not respected and passed promotions, there is no future in that department. It was a very hard decision to come to as I like what I do, but the choice is either to stay and be miserable or leave. I thought of complaining to upper management or HR but they don't care and as bullies are very good at networking with important people to hide their lack of skills, it will not have the effect I want.

I think just recognising they are bullies is a good step. Once I realised that, I realised that it has nothing to do with me or my performance, they'll find something wrong no matter what. The only way for me to get out of the abusive situation is to get out, you can't change these people for who they are and no one else cares about the bullies if it does not affect them. It's sad, but upper management only cares if what's happening affects their performance or evaluation. Also, for future reference, if you meet another bully, stand up for yourself and question them, why they say what they say, what evidence they have, and make them think about the way they are behaving. You are not responsible for other's behaviour, but you are responsible for how you react and what actions you take, 'cause you have the choice.

I'm young and only been in the workforce for less than two years. It took me that long to figure things out, so I hope this will help other people so they don't have to live in misery for so long to finally get out. I'm not out yet, I've only started looking for another job last week. I decided enough is enough.

In the end, I realised there are difficult people and situations everywhere, it's all about how you perceive the situation and handle yourself. Once you have accepted the reality of your situation, then you can start to find a solution. You need to do what's best for you and for me, my mental health is more important, and my solution is to leave.

I know this is very long, but I hope this has brought some insight to your situation. I hope everything works out for you. In the long run, nothing really matters, and the sun always shines the next day.
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Postby Lyndsay Swinton » Thu Aug 11, 2005 3:52 pm

Hi Linda,

Thanks for your post - big respect for what you've done and plan to do, and I wish you the best of luck with finding a new, more healthy work place. I hope your post is an inspiration to anyone experiencing bullying at work.

In case anyone is interested, here's an article I wrote on workplace bullying

Warm Regards
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Postby leica » Sat Apr 18, 2009 8:28 am

I found this thread very interesting.

I struggle from the same issue. Because I am recovering from a depressive illness the company seems to be spinning the bullying as my being paranoid and ultimately unfit for work.

I felt like I was very much in recovery until a superior started repeatedly flagging what he saw as utter incompetence. I know I am not incompetent; I know I am intelligent and bring to my job a wealth of experience and expertise in my field.

I plan to resign in a couple of weeks; the Organisational Development department (our version of HR) appear to me to want to limit liability in case they can be found of exacerbating the depression rather than providing the supportive environment the company policy states they must.

The only person who is any kind of advocate is the health worker who works with OD. It's good to have one person to understand that constantly and publicly pointing out my supposed incompetence is in fact bullying.

I feel bad about not having the strength to fight this properly, but taking on a large corporation when you're recovering from depression is just too much for me, sadly.

Thanks for the thread, I don't feel nearly so alone hearing other peoples' stories, though I do feel bad it's obviously more common than most people realise.

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Postby desperate788 » Sat Apr 18, 2009 11:52 am

possible bullying at work is something I'm afraid of..
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Postby Blue_Eyes » Tue Apr 21, 2009 10:08 pm

I was on the receiving end of workplace bullying for 3 years, because of my sexuality and because I went to public school in the UK, and as a result had to give up my job and also experienced a psychotic episode. My problem was I had no where to tern and that whenever I attempted to fight back, with free legal advice from my dad, I just was faced with the higher of the company pulling together and excluding me even more to the point that I felt I had no where to tern.

Anyway I have left my job, which annoy me because it was an interesting position, and I am now feeling a lot better, though I think it will be years until my self esteem is annoyware back to what it was, and it was not much before by the way.

P.S Hello to you all :cry:
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